Fashion 101, do's and don'ts

D.C. is a wonderful city, it is a beautiful city, full of smart, well-read, witty people. D.C. will never and should never be a fashion nexus, however D.C. shouldn't be the object of ridicule for its fashions. In an effort to curb some of the more heinous trends that I and other Mo's (Dudley and Chip) have witnessed, let me give a couple of pointers.....

1)Visors: Visors are only okay if you are a little old asian woman. Otherwise please refrain. If you need the protection from the sun that a visor would provide, invest in a full-on cap. PS, I've always found guys in baseball caps to be cuter than guys without, unless the cap were covering up baldness...

2)Denim Shorts: HEINOUS!!!!!! Jean shorts aren't cute, they weren't cute when you first started wearing them in the 3rd grade and they aren't cute now. Denim is meant to be a pant, maybe a jacket, but never a short (and in tandem constitutes a Canadian tuxedo and is the object of ridicule). They end up making you look like something that's stepped out of a trailer park.... and ladies, this applies to you too as denim shorts tend to make anyone's ass that isn't Jessica Simpson's look big. Please please PLEASE Washingtonians I implore you.... wear a nice khaki short, they're lightweight, flattering on more body types, and give you that preppy zing that I know you polo wearing, lily pulitzer having selves want.

3) Teva's/any sandle that incorporates velcro: Now I think that the Teva or any other sandle that incorporates a system of velcro or buckles is just way too ridiculous for words. It's the summer, you're wearing a sandle, what are the chances that a gust of wind is going to come up and blow your J.Crew flip flops ($5 by the way, I have like 8 pairs) off of your feet, in which case you believe that velcro would be necessary to strap sandles to your feet. And as to the argument that people like to wear them while hiking, if you are hiking you should be wearing shoes, something that will protect your feet from rocks and such and so forth. If that doesn't convince you three little words....AWKWARD TAN LINES!!! I support flip flops and maybe a nice slide a la adidas fame.. and having worn them as part of my work outfit (lifeguard) for 5 summers in a row I feel like I have a little bit to say on that issue.

4) Sleeveless T-shirts: Now let me just say this, I like sleeveless t-shirts, they're great to lounge around in, I won't workout in anything else, and on a comfort level I'm all over them like a fat kid on cake. HOWEVER, sleeveless T-shirts should not be worn out to any social or public function, nobody needs to see that much of your bare arm nor have any exposure to your armpit. Please if you are opting for a more casual look whilst going out, go for the t-shirt with the funny saying... my current favorites in my collection are "I would do me" and "Somebody in the Pentagon Loves Me" because Sleeveless T's were over 5 years ago.... jump on the bandwagon people!!!!!!

5) Popped Collar'd Polo's: Now I pop my color, this comment is not meant to discourage ALL people from doing this but some. I happen to have a long giraffe-like neck which, when worn with a popped collar does not obscure any part of my face. If you have a short neck and popping your collar obscures any part of your chin then please refrain...you end up looking like a tool.

So Washingtonians/ anyone else that may come across this blog, please, take heed, or the next time you see some mo's staring at you.... it won't be because they want to get with you....... and if you are currently wearing denim shorts, a visor, tevas AND a sleeveless t-shirt, please fall into the nearest GAP, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts there will be a helpful little mo there to advise you (after he stops laughing directly at you for a hot minute).