Thursday, October 19, 2006

Dear Sir..........

Dear Michael Kors,

You should be ashamed of yourself for picking Jeffrey over Uli. Not only do you look like a gay Oompa Loompa and you are forever talking with one hand under your chin, your mother looks like Karl Lagerfeld and you can't seem to wear anything but a black blazer. I want to say that the only saving graces of the show are Ms. Heidi (Auf Wiedersehen) Klum and Tim ("Where's Andrae??") Gunn. And don't even get me started on Nina Garcia, lady looks like someone stuffed a rotten grapefruit up her no no spot from how happy she always looks.

Dear two unnamed friends,

You two should be taken into an alley and shot from the pain I am now feeling which is a result of the class at the gym you "made" me take. However since I'm a glutton for punishment I will be going back god-dammit and hopefully this time I won't fall off the ball and make a scene when my bony butt hit's the floor. Although I will say I was doing better than the old lady wearing a thong. Also, I've finally figured out where all the attractive gay men in DC are hiding, and it's my gym for that class, I plan on leaving a stack of cards with my phone number and restaurant favorites for what I can only imagine will be a long line of suitors who will want to warm me up on what will hopefully in the near future be cold nights.

Dear High Heels,

We are not friends. I have hyper-extended most of my joints at various points in my life, walked en pointe without toe shoes, breaking most of my toes in the process in order to have a nicer toe point, broken both wrists (any limp wristed jokes and I'll cut you), had my flace slammed by a car door and knocked me out, fallen from the equivalent of a 3 story building into a pool of water flat on my back, and slid 15 feet on asphalt on my stomach after having a rollerblading accident. However, nothing is as painful as wearing effing high heels, or maybe I should just get a larger size. The High Heel race is next Tuesday and I'll be damned if I'm not going to put out a good showing..... ps just a little aside..... I don't run.... it's undignified.


Mungojerrie said...

Uli's collection was uber-fabulous. I was a bit surprised about Michael's line. I was expecting more. And by more, I didn't mean the over-the-top expression of flesh that was hanging out of his swimsuit collection. I am glad those gals waxed.

copperred said...

Michael makes models look even more like hookers. Not high class hookers, but trashy hookers with meth habits.

Uli should have won and I think Tim Gunn practically yelled it in his podcast. She surprised me too.