Monday, July 31, 2006

Dear Ballys

Dear Ballys Gym,

You suck because you won't let me out of a three year contract just because there is a ballys within a 25 mile radius of my home. Your location in the District is in the basement of a building and is in my opinion, disgusting. The bathrooms are frequently dank and smell of bad things. The tv's are never set to anything worth watching, and the dim lighting makes me sad in my heart place.

Plus, the clientele, is.... for lack of a better term.... busted. While this is less true at your location in Pentagon City, I refuse to commute to Va. to fulfill this need seeing as how I will never live again within the confines of the dirty dirty vag. I don't go to the gym for the eye candy, most times I wear glasses and leave them in my locker (because the whole rec-specs look isn't fun on me), however I'd like to exercise next to people who don't look like they're two donuts away from a Maury Povich show.

So Ballys, you may have won (for now) the battle for my hard earned money, but I will not be gracing your halls anymore, for I have joined the WSC.

PS- does anyone know the busted/cruisey factors for the WSC's surrounding dupont?

What didn't happen this weekend??

This weekend was supposed to be relaxing and calm.

Apparently that wasn't in the cards.

After spending a relaxing friday night out in the country, I came back into the city to begin party version of my weekend. I went to get my haircut...... and the stylist was ummm *excited* the entire time he was cutting my hair. There arent' very many things more awkward than having your stylist's *excitement* poking you in the shoulder while he's cutting your hair. Although he did do a very good job, and was really hot.

I received not one.... but two marriage proposals this weekend. Both guys I used to date. Both of whom are currently involved with serious bf's. I sure as sh*t know how to pick em.....*rolls eyes*

I feel like it's going to be "one of those" weeks...... is it friday yet?

Friday, July 28, 2006

Friday Five..... no news is good news

1). George Michael has done it once again...... he's been caught falling asleep at the wheel with a trunkfull of dildo's.... caught soliciting for sex in toilets...... and now he's been caught hooking up with a busted guy in a public park. Ummmm Hi George, I'm [Dale], now I'm sure if you wanted to, you could afford for a professional escort that didn't look homeless to come to you or to a pre-determined location, just a thought. Plus, if I were your bf, I wouldn't dump you, but you'd be setting up some major trusts in my name plus there would be gifts of real-estate, diamonds, and mink..... so I could be sad in comfort.

2). After reading this article, it became abundantly clear what is happening.... child star feeling the end of his tenure is nigh has decided to bolster his career with a "artistic performance" in which he will be naked. Look out kids, in the next ten years I think we'll be seeing him palling around with corey feldman on the surreal life.

3). When I'm 104 and have become a multi-bazillionaire through well placed marriages, I will never ever let this happen. I will make sure that not only will I be shuttled between my different properties on a regular basis..... but that any staffing changes in my personal staff not be left to a single person.... especially if that person has anything to gain from my obscene wealth.

4). If you are dumb enough to think this is a good idea then you deserve whatever comes your way.... whatever happened to the basics of alcohol and ciggarettes?

5). This is a serious article I'm sure.... but I still can't get past the title..... First thought in my head? "I'm sure it does, about three meals a day"..... it's ok for me to say something like that.... I'm asian.

*PS I'm still sick from last weekend..... if someone wants to make me soup in bed and rent me some movies that'd be great..... thanks*

Thursday, July 27, 2006

I want to linger oooooooooo a little longer oooooo I want to linger here with you

Summer.... beach..... lifeguards...... Delaware..... Summer Camp.

from the time I was 9 till I was about 13, myself and one of my friends and I would go to the same summer camp on the Delaware shore, Camp Arrowhead. Yes, my parents sent me to a church camp for WASPY children while they vaca'd across the bay in Rehomo.... get over it. After camp every year I'd join them and all the other families would gasp at my bug bitten body as I scarfed Grotto Pizza and Thrashers Fries like there was no tomorrow on the beach.

However, while I was learning about the Baby Jesus by making God's Eyes with popsicle sticks and being filled with Christ's love through song, I learned valuable life lessons that still hold true today which include:

1). Peeing on dead pine needles make them black.

2). If your mom sends you baggies of delectable chocolate chip cookies, supply and demand automatically applies and you can get at least 5$ for a sandwich bag filled with 4 or 5 cookies... ps mutiply that by two care packages and I made like 60-70 bucks. I rule.

3). Horseshoe crabs while harmless look like aliens that will suck out your brain, however a fun game can be the "how far can you toss the horseshoe crab" game.

4). If you catch your counselor having sex, you can blackmail them into doing all your "chores" for you for the remainder of your stay.... that'll teach that bastard to put me in charge of cleaning the dishes.

5). Necessity will teach you real quick how to, build a toilet, start a fire, start a fire the next morning with no matches, build a table, and prime a water pump.... all things that I still know how to do. I'm a hatchet and a flannel away from being a lumberjack, except for the whole not thing.

6). If someone in your cabin finds a tick on his no no spot and everyone finds out, it is your duty to laugh at that person until you're crying while he's telling you the story of how the female nurse had to go at his wing wang with a pair of pointy forceps to get the whole bug out.

7). Having a "girlfriend" at summer camp meant sitting next to them at the group campfire and maybe during the fireworks..... thank god there was no kissing involved. PS who had a blonde hair blue eyed gf at summercamp that was already starting to "develop"? you guessed it.... I'm a pimp.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Unclean...... UNCLEAN!!!!!!!

So ok..... last night.... around 3:30 in the morning, I was disturbed from my oh so enjoyable slumber by a small noise and a little tickle on my shoulder. I calmly looked over and then proceeded to freak out and scream at decibels that I'm sure only canines can hear.

A big fat roach was crawling on my shoulder.

Now, I live on the top floor of my building. I keep my kitchen, and apartment very very clean on a regular basis. I don't leave food lying around and I don't live in a state of filth. I did however proceed to go through every nook and cranny of my apartment until 4:45 to make sure that the roach did not bring any of his friends, and I also stuffed an old sweater underneath the front door, where I'm pretty sure the roach came from. The entire time in my head the monologue of "unclean, unclean" was playing over and over and over and over.

I have a problem with bugs.... leave me alone. They make my skin crawl. and not all types of bugs, just the ones that crawl.... flies don't bother me, hell at summer camp I used to let mosquitos bite me and wait until they stick their probocis in and then flex your muscle and watch them explode as well as have contests with my friends to see how many horseflies we could kill in a set amount of time (ps those things hurt like whoah)...... yeah I was a sick kid.

I have a serious problem with spiders and roaches. I think roaches just say to me dirty and gross, plus animals that swarm really REALLY make me uncomfortable.

Ok but I have a real reason for being afraid of spiders. I wouldn't read this if you're planning on eating anytime soon.... or maybe use this as the new diet?? the "disgust yourself out of eating" diet.

Anyways.... picture it.... Montgomery County 1993.... I'm 11 and having a slumber party and the junk food is abounding. My parents inadvertently let me rent This Movie and relegate me and my friends to the basement so that they can sleep and not hear us scream like little girls.

The movie is scary.... yes.... but nothing too out of the ordinairy that 4 - 11 year old boys can't handle.

Apparently I fall asleep sometime later with a blow pop in my mouth.

Apparently that attracts ants.

I wake up a couple hours later with a steady stream of ants crawling in my mouth and out my nose and vice versa.

I become so scared that I can't scream, I'm just clawing at my face to get them out of me as I feel them falling down my throat and crawling in my nasal passages.

I then reclaim my ability to scream and I scream so loud I wake the neighbors on both sides of our house that think someone is getting killed. My parents run downstairs and start making me gargle with mouthwash and everytime I spit out more ants come out.....

I hate spiders... I hate things that crawl.... funnily enough ants don't bother me that much... although I still get really uncomfortable when I see a swarm of them.

I'm calling the building people today.... they will be getting rid of this problem or I will be getting a replacement door with a rubber barrier at the bottom to keep anything from getting in.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Damn the Man

Effing damn the DC DMV and their speed traps, which take two weeks to alert you to the fact that you've been caught by one, allowing you to accrue, in my case, currently, 150 bucks of speed trap tickets. Sweet DC, Effing sweet.

I thought we were friends, I haven't once thrown a discarded jumbo slice plate onto your streets, nor sullied them with empty cans of (beer/sparks/pop). Public urination and I surely don't occur in your district.... to the best of my knowledge (some nights you're just going to have to give me the benefit of the doubt that I didn't know exactly where I was).

I would just like to say that this may or may not be determined as domestic violence because I live within your diamond-esque borders. I'm saddened that you need to bleed me dry with your talk of "speed limits" which, as we all know are in my case, suggestions. I drive a Buick Lesabre named Bertha for crying out loud, give a brother a break.

Things that I would have done with that 150 dollars that would have improved DC would have included

New outfit + Mani-Pedi (no nail polish, just a trim/buff job): This would have made DC more attractive, as now I will sit in jumanji watching HBO to the tune of Princess Diaries 2, and The Notebook on a continuous loop.

Support local business: Sushi Taro followed by (insert name of alcohol dispensing establishment here). Now I will be forced to eat Ramen and watch HBO to the tune of Not without my daughter (One womans struggle), and 15 and pregnant on the lifetime network.

So right now DC, we are not on good terms.... I will be expecting gifts in the form of prime parking, you subconciously directing all the attractive men to me at times when I look hot (all times except saturday and sunday mornings before 2).

And please no more tickets.... I'm a corporate peon, with a mortgage.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Beach trip 2k6 v1.0

So myself and 7 of my friends went to the beach this weekend (and we were all sad that Chip is still overseas and unable to join) and here's a little taste-er-rooof the events that unfolded

I and my car-mate may have stopped for dinner at a Mom&Pop in the town above, and waited FOREVER for sub-par subs, that'll teach me to support local business.

I may or may not have gone out with my friends to the bars of Dewey. I may or may not have done a shot called a mexican airforce shot which apparently is a shot of tequilla followed by a kamikaze shot followed by several drinks in plastic cups. This may or may not have been followed by me and two of my friends who are hot chicks thinking it was a great idea to go swimming in the ocean in our underwear and finding out we were all wearing matching black underwear, and then having a group shower, ps we totally looked like the Chris Isaac Wicked Game Video. This was classified as the "Real World Dewey" moment of the evening.

I may or may not have shared one bedroom with 7 other people. I may or may not have been one of 2 people to actually sleep on a bed with a mattress.... duh it's me. I have classified the situation as the 'Meth Lab' moment of the evening.

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, if you want food do not eat at the Purple Parrot. Well ok, if you just want to sit around and watch really hot wait staff then you're golden but if you want any type of service then go somewhere else. I obvy ordered two bloody mary's instead of one just in case the hot waiter got "confused" while walking around.

I may or may not have happened upon a lifeguard only game of ultimate frisbee. I may or may not have almost wet myself at the sight of 40 hot, shirtless, tanned lifeguards tackling each other in pursuit of a frisbee.....

My parents and godparent rented a house that sleeps 20 people. At most at all times maybe 12 people will be in the house, they just like the space, so I rolled 8 deep, it's what I do. Anyways I found out that this is how my dad and godfather talk to the renting person to find them a house

Renting person: What type of house are you gentlemen looking for.
Dad+Goddad: We would like the biggest, newest house that is closest to the beach as possible, but not near the main strip, we don't want the beach to be crowded.

Did I mention I love my daddy and god-daddy kins.

I may or may not have gone from gin and tonics to martinis to beer and to wine. This may or may not have produced me being blackout and very annoying to my friends. I thank the baby jesus that they are all still talking to me after I poured wine on my cousin on purpose and throwing sand up one of my friends dress.

I may or may not have done the following things on sunday:
  • Taken a picture at the above location on the way back for obvious reasons
  • Stopped at a local farmers market (it's obvy delish)
  • had a dance party with the same girls that I went skivvy dipping on friday night over the bay bridge to Aqua's Barby Girl and Shania's that don't impress me much

I may or may not be in de-tox for the forseeable future.... my body is not in a good place.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Friday Five..... FOOOOOD!!!

1). At some point this week, after being at a bar with a group of friends, I left and was escorted home by a gentleman as the mean streets of 18th and Columbia are no place for a 24 year old.... hold your horses a sec..... anyways this gentleman is tall, dark, and handsome, and it was obvious that he would have been amenable to being given a grand tour of my private chambers. However apparently somewhere between the bar and my apt. I became fixated on Peanut Butter toast (Jif obvy) and promptly dismissed the handsome gentleman in lieu of 7 pieces of Peanut Butter Toast... apparently my love for PBT outweighs my wanting to entertain a gentleman....hmmmm.... maybe alcohol had something to do with that decision??

2). When I was 9 my family took me and my sister to DisneyWorld, land of dreams. I may or may not have had a stuffed version of Wicket, and may or may not own both Battle for Endor and Caravan of Courage... don't judge me. ANYWAYS my parents took me to a buffet which had *gasp* SEAFOOD. Now I'm a seafood junkie, I love steamed shrimp with old bay, steamed crabs with old bay, steamed mussels and clams drowning in butter, raw oysters... the list goes on. In any event they had steamed shrimp at this buffet. We were there for 3 hours and in that time my nine year old body ate upwards of 3.5 pounds of shrimp. A waiter actually came over to my parents and said that there was a pool going to see when I'd puke. I didn't puke. I'm awesome. Stupid boy.......

3). I am not a picky eater. I will try and usually inhale anything once. That being said I hate hotdogs, and shut up you b*tchy queens, I can hear you from here. Anyways one night the cook made these icky cylindrical monstrosities for me and my sister for dinner and I put on my "I don't want to and you can't make me" attitude which I've honed to this day, mostly when buying generic. My mom was called and she said I could do anything that I wanted to it but I had to eat it.... starving kids in ethiopia or something..... so what did I do??? that's right, I figured, I like chocolate but I hate hotdogs, so I poured hershey's syrup all over it and ate the entire thing. Needless to say after watching me do that we didn't have hotdogs anymore.

4). In my wee college days I was exposed to the trustafarians and the hippies.... who..... petitioned and won their request to have a vegan bar at the dining hall. I, who enjoy eating the charred flesh of many land mammals, did not find this amusing as the funds that were used for this endeavor were taking much needed money from the purchasing of grade A meat. I then thought up an ingenious way to protest in a delicious manner. Many of these hippies were in my ecology class (it was a pre-req for my major, get off me) so three times a week, I'd saunter in, with a bowl full of bacon and offer it to anyone around me, and then eat it. Take THAT hippies.

5). I'm pretty sure I ate my weight last night in fried jalapeno cheesy things. My body is not in a good place. the outlook for the rest of the weekend aint looking up either as I'll be stuffing it full of pizza, fries, and all the nastiness that the delaware shore has to offer!!

Ligers lions and tigers mixed..... bred for their skills in magic

As I was commuting from work the other day, I saw myself, sitting by the metro station.... the MOST AWKWARD teenager in life sweating like a priest in a playground, with the ill-fitting baggy t-shirt, haircut that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy having self

And all of a sudden I felt myself in a time warp.....

Picture it, 1995, and I'm 13. My parents decide that the public schools in my area were much too dangerous and run down for me to attend so we begin the hunt for private schools.... we did the run through the all boys schools, which, in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have written off so quickly, we did all the schools that kids with names like Quentin Warrington IV go to..... right.

We, and by we I mean my parents got wicked tired of me belly-aching that I didn't want to be "that guy" in our neighborhood that got picked up by the short bus to go to school.... but did they listen? of course not.

I got sent to a Quaker School in the greater DC area, which was big on "feelings" and "communicating." Now y'all should be abundantly aware that in my family "feelings" consist of discerning levels of dirtiness in maritni's and "communicating" consists of pretending any and all problems can be solved with denial denial denial. Needless to say I wasn't exactly "cut out" for this experience.

So I show up.... first day of school. First of all my entire grade had 17 people in it, and they had all gone to school together since elementary school. I was doomed.

Not only was I the fresh meat ready to be preyed on, let me paint you a little picture, hair parted in the middle forming a butt on top of my head, glasses of rec specs fame, apparently I'd found Green Day/Nirvana and with it my angst which was chanelled through jeans and old flannel shirts that I'd steal from my dad because my parents thought that wearing baggy clothes was innapropriate for a young man. This all combined with my budding homosexuality didn't exactly make me at the top of anyone's A-list. PS who's the guy that was ALL ABOUT wearing the cat in the hat hats to class?? yup you guessed it.

Also, soccer and lax were the sports of choice for all the guys, and what did I do?? yes I had to be the one kid whom had to leave school every day and go to diving practice for four hours, so no chance of 'hanging out after school' even if I wanted to...

Thankfully I convinced my parents that public school was the way to go and gratefully returned to the world of sub-par cafeteria food and fights that would leave tracks of hair and individual extensions littering the halls..... ahhh public school.

So, Awkward teenager standing by the metro stop, I tip my hat off to you and thank the baby jesus that I'm no longer you.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Scarlet.....burqa?

Jimbo, postulated that my theory that those gay men that do things that make me die a little on the inside should wear a burqa and be color coded in accordance to the nature of the offense. As this is obviously a genius idea I've come up with a bit of a color coded scheme that will let all of us. let my sharia speak for itself.

Fluorescent Pink: This burqa's shall be worn for crimes against swimwear. This shall be worn for inappropriate wearing of a speedo, wearing of squarecut swimwear (crime against the baby jesus), and god forbid....a thong. And if you have the audacity to combine glitter or sequins to any part of your swimwear your burqua will also be hawaiian print on top of flourescent. The extent of time one would be subjected to the burqa will be for one week after each offense, and be forced to go out to at least one gay bar in that week avec burqa.

Red stars on a white background: This burqa shall be worn for crimes against the District of Columbia, mostly subjected to tourists. This will include standing on the left side of the escalator, block the entrances to and from metro cars, talking on your cell phone while in a metro car and/or station, and walking three or four people side by side on the sidewalk thereby creating a traffic jam and not allowing me to walk diva on the runway.

Champagne Colored: This burqa shall be worn for alcohol related crimes. These include being a general douche-bag at the bar, breaking one of the many rules that our mistresses of mixology have put down, ordering a michelob ultra because you want a "low carb" beer, or wearing sunglasses in a dark bar.

Paisley Colored: Crimes against fashion. Jean short cutoffs, visors, sleeveless t's, teva's, wearing silk shirts, short sleeve button downs..... you get the idea. oh and anything that involves mesh and not only will you be faced to wear a burqa.... I will personally b*tch slap you..... and let me tell you that a diamond encrusted manicured hand leaves a mark.

The list goes on and on and on, but citizen arrests are welcome as long as final judgement obviously goes to a tribunal much like the Hague and war crimes.... these judgements will take place at fox and hound and only after all the homo blogerati aka judges have had 2 libations a piece.

ps today is the one year anniversary of DC Gays of Our Lives, while we didn't start this blog for anyone else we appreciate all the love and humor you've sent our way!! It's been great so far meeting and reading the opinions and thoughts that keep DC and the world at large just a little bit sassier!!!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Natsu no Haiku (Summertime Haiku)

Heat makes me sweat much
Tanq and Tonics are so cold
Refreshing all day

Sleeveless T's are gross
Please burn like your platform shoes
Invest in polos

Rehomo is fun
Fluorescent Speedo's are not
Please wear burqua now

Grottos is like crack
I will eat till I throw up
Then return for more

Monday, July 17, 2006

No Cigar

I was directed to this Missed Connection by a friend with the message....

"Clearly this is talking about you."

I wish I'd been at amsterdam falafel instead of recovering from going out the night before and once again waking up with an empty jumbo slice box next to my bed...... unfortunately this was not the case.

Friday, July 14, 2006

I can't be bothered

Just an observation..... I apparently can't be bothered to visit anyone that doesn't live within walking distance of jumanji which thankfully encompasses pretty much all my peeps.... this was evident last night as I was apparently unable to walk ALL THE WAY to foggy bottom... which I feel I'm ok with.

Friday Five.... let the randomness ensue

1). Apparently Lance Bass is gay..... gee.... sure didn't see that one coming. That's almost as suprising as Gay, I mean Clay Aiken being reported to participating in the love that dare not speak its name.

2). At JR's last night a fellow who I hope was inebriated thought it was appropriate to, without introducing himself OR buying me a drink, touch me in one of my no no spots. After I made it abundantly clear that if he continued in this manner he wouldn't be leaving the bar with the same number of appendages he entered it with I got to thinking that in a more casual atmosphere I would have said something to the effect of "please look with your eyes, not with your hands" like dealing with a four year old.

3). Velvet nation is closing its doors after this saturday nights bash. bye bye sketchy bartenders who were plying me with alcohol when I was still in High School. Bye Bye platforms which, unfortunately, after being plyed with alcohol while still in High School I've taken one or two tumbles from and then woke up the next morning with a "why the hell do I have a bruise on my head?" Bye bye sketchy guys giving each other (insert several words here)-jobs in the bathroom, corner, upstairs, and above all in the foam. Your sketchy disco ball will always shine in our memories..... at least till I erase them with vodka. PS... at least nobody was shanked at nation... that's right Chaos, I'm looking at you my little pinata.

4). This will be my last weekend in DC for about 6 weeks.... Rehomo here I come, land of Grotto Pizza, Obies by the Sea, Dolle's, and hundreds of gay men in swimwear that will make you cringe (squarecuts are the work of satan) but at the same time make you feel oh so cute in your AussiBum running shorts over a simple black speedo... PS I've come to a decision and I'm retiring my raggedy ass speedo from when I was a lifeguard... sad times. PPS, since I've been at Rehomo every summer since I was 2 I feel like if I don't go at least once a year something bad will happen.... is that weird?

5). Having the girl that your next door neighbor is boinking introduce herself to you in the elevator and then proceed to tell you that she'll be living with him for the summer when you know for a fact that he's been bringing other ladies over there and they haven't been leaving till the next morning is super awkward. The fact that as soon as you end said convo and put in your handy dandy iPod earphones and start your walk and "Promiscuous" comes on is the perfect topper.... I mayhaps did a little awkward robot dance at the corner of my block when that happened......doo doo dodooo dooo doo.... awkward robot dance yeah....

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

B*tch please

So apparently spurred on by a series of muggings on the mall plus a nice british fellow getting shanked in Georgetown, the DC chief of police has fit to call for a state of emergency for residents of the District of Columbia.

No Effing Kidding. Ummm didn't the police chief realize this when his own car was stolen less than a year ago? Yeah did I live on the same street at the time? I sure did. Did I make friends with peaches, the prostitute that worked in front of the apartment building across the street from the townhouse I lived in??? you betcha!!

I'm sorry, groups of tourists? deserve to get mugged. There. I said it. I'm going to burn straight in the eternal fires of hell but anyone wearing a lime green visor and a fanny pack deserves to have someone stick them up. just sayin.

In the wake of all of this did my parents call me to ask if I was going to be getting some pepper spray to put on my keychain? oh yes they did. What was the first thought that entered my head?? "I don't think it'll fit in my going out jeans when I go to JR's". I think my mom at some point made some references to karate classes I'd taken when I was in elementary school.......riiiiiight

Although I will say this. The man that comes between me and my jack spade bag, louis vuitton wallet, ipod, or cell phone better be prepared... because in the great words of sheneneh, a strong black woman to whom I am very close to, "I don't know karate, but I sure as hell know CUHRAAAAZY"

I may not look tough, but I'll tear a b*tch a new one.

P.S. I just finished watching Como Agua Para Chocolate, and the main character apparently from what I understand, kills the man she loves by having sex with him.... does that mean she's really good at it or really bad at it?

Monday, July 10, 2006

here.... there... everywhere

So ok....welcome to my life

This past weekend I spent time with the royal family also known as mumsy and daddykins.....

Mumsy: Well [dale] there's something I always wanted to know about the gays
*PS this is 3 bottles of wine and 2 rounds of martinis between 3 people*
Dale: Umm ok
Mumsy: Do all gay men shave their pubic hair off??
Dale: Is that your natural hair color mumsy?
Mumsy: God I hope your sister doesn't wear a mini-skirt tonight, she looks awfully cheap with it on.....

Yeah I don't follow either.

Sunday saw me actually spending time with la principessa [the sister] who saw fit to come down to Jumanji and we had wings and watched the final game of the world cup...... now let me say a couple things about the world cup.....


And This

And This

That's all I have to say about that.

Now let me just say if you've had any amount of alcohol in your system and you are with one of your best friends, you should not watch This Movie. You will cry, a lot.

Love isn't always roses and chocolate, it's not always candlelight and slowdancing. Sometimes it's about sitting in silence with one of your best friends who may as well be your family. Sometimes it's the little things that help out a lot more than anything else.

I have to be in Baltimore for a meeting tomorrow morning at 9am.... I am not pleased.... not at all.....

Thursday, July 06, 2006


Sorry Y'all I've been on hiatus due to holiday and new job..... momma's back.

I have a new job.... fun people... laid back atmosphere...and I have my own office... however the whole blogging thing during work might not work out so well as any and all communication is apparently "monitored." However I've met the IT guys that are apparently "monitoring" my computer at all times and has anyone seen Harold and Kumar go to white castle??? yeah add in about 4 dime bags of weed and you have these guys.

Monday was el dio de relaxacion, praise the baby jesus. I spent our nations birthday playing tennis with two of my best friends... and let me just say that we may or may not have stopped traffic more than once because we were so shiny with the sweat....or maybe because we kept hitting the ball over the fence into the middle of 18th st...... who knows???

The fourth.... after SOMEBODY decided to get boonesfarm (not me) and left it in my fridge, which is a crime against the baby jesus..... ps the fourth of july makes me want a hot dog REALLLLLLL BAD.... we watched the fireworks on my rooftop.

Who was hungover for day 1 of work???? mayhaps me..... blargh

Sunday, July 02, 2006

I think I've covered all the bases

I would post an update tomorrow but I am watching "the notebook" after having a VERY eventful weekend.... I won't be in any place to be anywhere but sleeping.

So I think once again I've learned many things this past weekend such as:

If you go to Remmingtons in order to meet up with this lady, this lady, this lady, this lady, and meet this lady, you should not do shots of Jameson. It will put you into a bad bad place. And if you do go to this bad place, it's probably not a good idea to go to JR's afterwards and then to McDonalds.

If your family wants to have brunch at a swanky restaurant the morning after being in a bad place, wear sunglasses, drink plenty of water, and don't get a bloody mary.

If your sister makes you sweatpants that say "people know me" across the butt, wearing them out everywhere is totally acceptable.... totally acceptable.

If your sister is visiting DC, take her to this locale for dinner.... it's tots deelish, even more so in matching clothes... cuz were that cool.

If your friends ask you to go white water tubing..... do it... trust me, there's nothing better than floating down a river on an inner-tube drinking some beer and hanging out with a great group of people *looks around* wait did I say that?? Am I turning into a big butch man??? ha ha ha ha not to worry.

Now something that makes tubing all that much better, is if you and one of your best friends break off from the group, and go tubing 3/4 of the way naked... were we perved on by some rando's tubing across the river??? yeah, but whatev's.... you only live once.

.25 cent chicken wings after tubing all day puts your stomach in a bad place, but well worth it.