Friday, April 28, 2006

Friday..... make it all just stoooooop

Sh*ttiest week ever in life.... Don't want to get into it as I've already chewed on this problem till all the flavor has gone out of it. Suffice it to say there will be a professional shift within the next couple of months, hopefully I'll be able to change jobs before I kill someone... or at least move to a country that won't extradite me back to the U.S... (ps I hear Tel Aviv is very nice this time of year).

Anyways on this glorious Friday of Fridays I would like to do a little Fiver on things that make me happy in the area where my heart should be but apparently is an empty hole that is filled periodically by martini's and Jumbo Slice.

1). The color that I chose for my Jumanji (new place) is called Aegean blue and I painted my first wall yesterday.... and then got bored and took a nap. Bright blue makes me happy.

2). In the battle of Dale v. DC I totally pulled a Tony Danza on the DMV yesterday. Who was in and out faster than Ryan Seacrest on yes people that's right. Dale. Who also chatted up the strong black woman behind the counter whose nails were so long she could only use one finger to do all the typing ( I honestly think she had the entire last supper painting on her thumb)? right again.

3). Apparently on the floor that my apartment is on there are at least 3 hot guys that I will now have secret crushes on till they profess their undying love for me and try to ply me with gifts of flowers and booze.

4). Having friends that live within walking distance of my new place, momma needed to vent last night and vented I did to one of my great friends while she did laundry. There is definitely something to be said for A) the therapeutic properties of laundry and B) having someone sit there and listen to you while you need to unload. PS embarassing fact about Dale number 123777676: The fresh laundry smell on a gentleman caller is my favorite smell ever and totally melts my butter.

5). The conversation I had with the gentleman at the liquor store that is maybe 2 blocks from my apt.

Man at Liquor Store (MLS): Why don't you take one of our cards, we can deliver to your house!

Dale: Ummm well I only live two blocks away so honestly if I need delivery for liquor I'm gonna go ahead and say there are bigger problems at hand.

MLS: Aren't you ever relaxing on the couch and say "I'd really like a gin and tonic, but I don't feel like getting up or changing from your sweats?"

Dale: Yes, actually I do. hmmmm let me hold onto that card actually.

*The card is now on a magnet on my fridge*

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


Weekend was good.... I laughed, I cried, I dispensed fashion advice and retail goodness all weekend long in the form of free gifts as SRL just opened. Highlight of the weekend, walking from the metro to Jumanji in the pouring rain wearing a polo and jeans (no coat or umbrella) with a bottle of vodka for my freezer and a bottle of wine for my friends whom I was going over to.... I bit it on 18th St. hardcore, bags go flying, I manage to save the bottle of wine and the shopping bag full of clothes for me from SRL but the vodka was sacrificed.... sad times.

In the competition of DC versus Dale, DC is now up to two, Dale is at zero as not only did I bite it hardcore on saturday but yesterday whilst getting my car inspected for the ultimate sign of DC citizenship, license/plates, I was informed that I needed my brakes changed.... thankfully we have car people in the family, so hopefully I'll be DC through and through by the weekend. We will see how badly the DC DMV effs me over, or more importantly, how bad my drivers license pics turn out to be.... *little known fact* (In all official ID pictures I never smile cuz I think I look goofy, so I end up looking like Osama bin Dale.... who got questioned for half an hour in Brussels?? oh yeah that'd be me).

I'm officially that guy, as I was in home depot and I picked out paint for my new place.... and I picked it on the basis that it was from the Ralph Lauren Polo collection... if anyone ever hears me use antique as a verb I implore you to beat me about the head and face with a bejewelled handbag.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Friday..... let the weekend begin!


1). I've been taken out to dinner twice in the past week, and to like actual restaurants, as a result of my post at Snotty Retail Location (SRL). If this trend continues my fridge will contain nothing but mixers, olives, and limes...... oh wait.....

2). Today marks the 80th birthday of Queen Elizabeth II. I've always been a big fan of HRH, she totally called foul on Fergie, and trying to throne-block Camilla was the best play I've seen in ages. Plus that lady can rock a Sunday hat on Saturday like I don't know what. Plus according to valuable sources, her mother only employed homosexual butlers, and was quoted as saying

She also employed a personal staff with many gay persons and once said, after her gin and tonic was continuously delayed by backstairs bickering, "When one of you young queens has finished, can you bring this old Queen a drink?" According to an article in The Observer (10 November 2002), after being advised by a Tory Minister in the 1970s not to employ homosexuals, the Queen Mother observed that without them, "we'd have to go self-service."

anyone who doesn't respect that kind of upbringing should be smacked with a royal diamond encrusted hand. We would not be amused.

3). One of my co-workers at SRL is currently the topic of speculation because all the other mo's are wondering if he's gay or straight. My gaydar is seven flavors of messed up so I don't even try, however I will say that after work he invited me to get a drink with him at the restaurant next door, being the consumate gentleman I am I agreed, plus he's wicked fun. Anyways, apparently the restaurant next door is like his hangout which I'm over because ew, but we got drinks and obviously I got a dirty bombay martini up. What did Hetero Harry get?????? a pomegrante martini.... it was all I could do to say "Ummm lady, anything you wanna tell me?... like maybe you want a hot dog reallll bad?"

4). Around 10:30 last night when I was folding polos, setting up displays, and generally being the gayest gay gay ever in gay life, myself the manager, a couple of my co-workers, which consist of gays and those who admire them, decided to turn our store into a club. So off went the lights, on went beyonce and we turned it out... the store also has this ambient lighting kind of like Halo but better... and at one point I stopped, looked at the wall to wall clothing and I thought to myself "if you added alcohol, this, right now, would be gay heaven."

5). I woke up again this morning to the monkeys, you'd think that'd be wicked annoying but it's really not that bad. Also everytime I hear them I think of the wicked witch of the west, who, btw if anyone notices was much thinner than glinda (better keep off those sugarplums lady), PS I believe the take home message is "evil makes you thin"... but the monkeys in the morning make me think of images of my wielding my unholy army when and where the time is right for my global domination.... obviously.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I'm sorry... we can't fit you in this week.... perhaps in May.

Ok, so.... as I was standing at Juniors the other day I was thinking... mostly because the group of ladies I was with were all (for the most part) with their significant others holding hands, giving little kisses... you know, stuff that makes me want to take out my european carryall and beat them till they bleed type of behavior. I was looking around at the sad state of affairs that was the clientele at Juniors and thought to myself... "hmmm I guess being single aint so bad."

Now I know that some of y'all are either ga ga over your paramours or bemoaning the fact that you currently don't have someone who will fill an apparent void that you have... and if anyone makes a comment about my void being filled I will slap you till my lee press on's fall off. I am a lady.

Anyways I was thinking, you know what, not that I'm not interested in having a "someone special" or in the future maybe settle down, it was great when I had a boyfriend, but where would I find the time?? Between Job, theoretical further education which may or may not develop, job #1 and job #2, spending time with friends, not to mention the copious amounts of "Dale Time" which may or may not involve me sitting around in my pajama bottoms contemplating the merits of whatever situation Valerie Bertinelli or Judith Light have gotten themselves into on their moment of truth movies, I honestly don't have time.

I want (not need) a gentleman caller that will fit into my life, not make it more complicated, and until that happens momma aint gonna settle. Settling is for commoners.

*PS it's unclear if I come across bitter and jaded... hmmmmmm.

*PPS, this also doesn't mean I'm ho'ing it up and down 17th. Read above.... Dale is a lady.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Reverse Racial Profiling...... a study in terror.

Ok So. I don't really consider myself that ethnic, I don't think that I look very asian or exotic or diverge much from your average looking person. I mean honestly, I was raised episcopalian, my cousins have blonde hair and blue eyes, I never played an instrument (the mandatory recorder lessons in the third grade doesn't count). Anyways it never dawns on me that a guy would come up to me because he thought he could live out his fantasy of experiencing a taste of the orient.... the thought alone makes me want to have a Mary Kate Moment and barf everything I've ever eaten up.

Anyways, last night, I got co-erced into joining some ladies at the local watering hole. PS not only didn't I get drunk, I was home and in bed by 10:30. However while at said watering hole a gentleman came over that had taken me out on several dates in the past couple of weeks, someone whom I wasn't really THAT interested in, but wouldn't necessarily mind being friends with. I went over to see him, and he was surrounded by the type of gaysians that make me want to bleach my hair, have reconstructive surgery on my eyes and change my name to Biff. The kind that travels in packs, speak in what appears to be broken english and you know that b*tch got a 750 on the verbal part of the SAT, and wears clothes that have A/X all over them.... blah. I was introduced to the new bf I guess of the gentleman in question.... funnily enough, I had been making fun of this guy ALL night for his horrible choice of day-glo polo striped shirt and ill-fitting jeans, who btw was classy enough to stroke the crotch of the guy that had taken me out while I was standing there facing them and conversing with them. Being the classy lady that I am I said "honey I don't think that's his knee" to which I got a geisha giggle and the gaysian covered his mouth with his hand.... did he NOT realize where his hand had just been? that's just not right.

Anyways apparently it was divulged that they had been dating when the gentleman had taken me out.... something that I am not ok with as I like to think of myself as a lady with a clean reputation. When that piece of news was divulged I gave the two of them my best french smile and said... "It's time for me to go over there now" and left the two of them. Unfortunately that put a damper on the rest of my evening and I excused myself and left forthwith.

I still kinda want to wash myself with all the soap in the world and a steel brush..... ewwwww.

P.S. I met this lady at JR's and let me just say that she is the best that VA has to offer and so much more! ;)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

LOTR, reflection on society or just plain good movie?

Ok, So after I got home last night, put in some shake and bake (PS I'm so addicted to shake and bake original flavor it's not even funny) and got changed into my sweats and sat down with a load of clean laundry and was folding it I decided to watch LOTR..... and then it struck me.... maybe it was the 4 hours of sleep I'd gotten the night before, maybe it was the fact that I was busier than a one armed paper hanger on Monday, or maybe it was because it's happened and momma has finally snapped. who's to know.

ANYWAYS so it dawned on me how Lord of the Rings is a good reflection on the gay world at least from this mo's perspective....... let's review shall we?

Now this one is a no brainer.... hairless, manicured eyebrows, a waist that rivals a pre-pubescent girl and the ability to stay wrinkle free for their entire lives. Plus they're oh so delicate. This would be a charecterization of the most communicated stereotype of the gay male, cuz you know when it's just them around they think they're strong black women.

Lesbians, now not all lesbians but what struck me was the quote "you can't tell the women dwarves from the men due to their long beards" you ever been to a WNBA game? I'm just saying is all.

Men: These would be your Abersnobby and B*tch types, the "I'm 35 and still in a frat, and only wear sleeveless t-shirts because I spend all my free time at the gym" type of guys. They are most likely to use the term "straight acting" and have issues about the "size of their sword."

Hobbits: Twinks, tiny, bright eyed, and all about climbing into bed together. Plus they always look like they've got something to prove.

Yeah I know, I need a new hobby, I didn't get very much sleep because apparently my neighborhood got turned into the vietnam war last night complete with helicopters and search lights.... effing sweet.

Monday, April 17, 2006

He has risen..... indeed.

Remember the time I stayed in on Friday night? yeah me either. Friday night caught me with one of my friends whom I played baseball with in elementary school.... yes b*tches that's right, I played baseball. My parents thought it'd be a good idea to be part of a "team." I only caught one ball the entire season and that was with my eyes closed a la sandlot fame, ps I still have the ball, pps if anyone makes any comments about my being able to catch I will cut you.

ANYWAYS we went to a bar in georgetown for one of our mutual friends birthdays.... now I hate bars in georgetown on the weekend, frat trash and sorostitutes galore, crowded, noisy, basically a bunch of people patting themselves on the back for being cool in georgetown.... woo....hoo, give me a dive bar and the ability to wear my hat indoors any day. We saw some kids that we'd gone to HS with, who have jobs like golf instructor, or works for a siding company..... I hate the "what do you do" game because it always ends up in my doing awkward robot dance ESPECIALLY when it's followed by the "where do you live now" game.... DOUBLE ESPECIALLY when the person I'm talking to says things like "Germantown" or "Alexandria"..... suburbs....ewwwwwwwwwww.

Saturday I spent the morning and early afternoon at the georgetown location of Snobby Retail Location. Are the guys I'm working with hot? yes, yes they are. Do I get a fantastic discount? yes, yes I do. The one part about this gig that I think is HILARIOUS is that I will be keeping a "clientele" book and when I am supposed to develop a client base that will come into the store on a regular basis so that I can outfit them in the appropriate accoutrement. The manager may or may not have expressed the idea to send birthday presents to our clients as well.... this is pretty crazy.

Saturday night after walking from Georgetown to my new pad and cooking a digiorno pizza and making myself a little drinky poo, I may or may not have fallen asleep ON the half eaten digiorno pizza while watching Steel Magnolias on the floor since I have no furniture besides my bed at the moment..... that was a totally better idea than going out and perhaps meeting a new gentleman caller..... totally better.

I celebrated the resurrection of our lord with several ladies and have not eaten such good quiche in years... the theme of the little gathering was "there is no judgement on easter"...because I shared the digiorno story...

Went to my parents house in the afternoon, who were more than half in the bag when I got there, mom in her requisite pearls and sun hat on the deck drinking a bloody mary, dad in his khakis drinking I think a rusty nail or something. Gorged on more food, drank more wine... went to bed at 10pm....

I think I'm taking a mental health day this week. I'm so over my job

Friday, April 14, 2006

Friday..... hungover at work....what a shocker.

So ok, now that I'm living in Jumanji instead of eastern Czechoslovakia I can walk the runway (17th st.) all the live long day if I so choose.... this may not have been the best decision as now I can also frequent all the bars without worrying about cabs and such and so on and so forth.... Anyways... things that I may or may not have learned last night include:

1). Ok so I'm so Bob Villa and I'm redoing parts of Jumanji, mostly just changing the showerhead but whatever. Apparently putting the wrench thingy next to the showerhead you want to change and walking away to pour yourself a glass of wine and eat dinner doesn't get the job done... what the hell is the point of tools if they don't do stuff themselves?? PS, I'm so butch right now.

2). Totally introduced myself by saying "oh I'm Dale of DC Gays of our lives" to this fellow whom apparently I've been introduced to several times before and may or may not have conversed with on several occasions. I am horrible with names and remembering people but I still hate playing the "you met me but I don't remember meeting you" game. *Insert Awkward Robot Dance Here*

PS- It always suprises me when people remember me by face and/or name, in a good way like finding a dollar in your shoe, not like a "hmmm I wonder what that bump on my (gentialia) is?" kind of way

3). Getting McDonalds and supersizing it on the way home after a night out at the bars..... not a good idea.... I am not in a good place right now. I really need to stick to Amsterdam Falafel.

4). Yeah I had to have This Lady's boyfriend pretend to be MY boyfriend last night when I got cornered by a member of the icky club.... picture it, acne scars, mid to late 30's, greased back ponytail..... obviously pure klass. Anyways I know that guy because we graduated from the same institution (albeit when he graduated people still used slide rules and I graduated in 04) and at the accepted students reception at the National Press Club a year ago, (PS I went because the school asked me to because I'm the most ethnic person in life) Anyways el sketcho wanted to "talk about the school," however, thanks due to the fake bf, I said I had to go and I think I even pulled the.... "My (fake) bf is SO bossy, he wants to go to the other side of the bar?? Oh well, k talk to you soon, oh sorry can't get my phone out to get your number... kthxbi!!"

5). I'm starting my weekend position as a retail freak tomorrow morning..... to take a quote from the best episode of Saved by the Bell , as affirmed by this lady (closely followed by the episode where slater does ballet to impress jesse and the beginning of my love affair with Mario Lopez) and the reasoning behind the naming of the best kickball team in DC... "I'm so excited, so scared" (Ok not so much on the scared part but the chance of there being hot guys I'll be working with will be high right??)

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I think were alone now...... there doesn't seem to be anyone around

I've never lived alone before and the prospect has me giddier than Marion Barry in Bogota. I realized this last night as I was sitting on the floor amid piles of clothes I've rescued from Czechoslovakia and brought to Jumanji eating leftover Kung Pao and watching a Harry Potter movie....... and don't sit there judging me like your ghetto A$$es never did that before.... oh and a bottle of yellowtail... I heart yellowtail.

In elementary school I was horrible at sharing, if something was mine and you took it you were gonna get it.... one time a kid that lived on my street "borrowed" one of my toys.... what did I do? oh that's right, got the neighborhood kids to start a "we don't like (person) club" and then I got some of the bigger kids to hang him by his shirt from a tree in someone's yard. I totally got time out for that one. Funny thing is we ended up being friends in HS cuz we were both captains of the swim team.

College I wasn't BAD at sharing necessarily, the head of my straight bf harem and I shared a bedroom in London that was maybe 8 x 10. and if you take out the area for the bunk bed there was barely room to move but I had no problems with it, mostly because he was the coolest guy ever, he'd be my escort to the gay club but only under the proviso that he get to wear acid washed tapered jeans with high top keds and a ripped tshirt that said "I'm with stupid" just to embarass me... I LOVED IT..... picture it, 6' +, rugby team, pre-med.... not a bad sell!!!

After college my first living situation with the two harpies of death, with whom the only thing I shared was death stares... and apparently 57 missed calls the night that I deadbolted the door and couldn't hear them trying to get in at 3:30 in the morning.... they LOVED me after that one....

The two guys I most currently lived with are, for use of a better term, dirty. They are the stereotypical straight guy, leave dishes in the sink for 4 days at a stretch, leave things in the fridge till they are undiscernible as food type guys. Not bad guys, but I realized as I stared at my new and remodeled kitchen that I immaculately scrubbed and put everything away the way I feel that it should be, otherwise known as the right way.

..... If I sound like a selfish b*tch I apologize, but the prospect of having everything just the way I like it without having to compromise is UHMAZING!!!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Is it friday yet?

I can tell that this week is already going to be one of "those" weeks, the ones that make you want to hang yourself by your toenails over a vat of HCl (Hydrochloric Acid) because of bureaucratic BS.

However..... I'm excited because the mass exodus from East Czechoslovakia to my new digs has begun!! between last weekend and yesterday I've had the opportunity to move some of my clothes and my kitchen stuff to the new place. Oh I've come up with a name too, in light of the fact that my new and favorite neighbor is butterstick and the fact that I was awoken this morning by the monkeys in the zoo welcoming me to the neighborhood, my new place is called JUMANJI!!!

PS.. city lights delivers to Jumanji, I may never cook again.

PPS.. Bedknobs and broomsticks and Kung pao chicken is a great way to spend an evening.

PPPS.. Also had my first noise complaint last night... first night first noise complaint? this bodes well.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Blasts from the past

This weekend has been ALL about blasts from the past some of whom I wish would stay in the past, some of whom I'm glad are still blasting away.

On friday about an hour before I left for the day read (mentally I checked out before I got in due to the events friday morning) I received an email from one of "the ex's" someone whom I only harbor wonderful and terrible memories of. He apparently wanted to see what I was up to, what I was doing, etc. etc. and so forth. Thankfully right after we broke up I moved to London so I had the opportunity to not only put distance, but boys with all types of cute accents in between me and him..... the last time I saw him he was blackout at Sadlands and he came up to me and professed his undying love for me, I don't forsee any extreme level of communication to be forthcoming. Closure party of one, I believe the table for closure party of one is now available.

Saturday for dinner I, along with my parents went out to dinner with a family friend whose children I grew up with and known since we were all in kindergarten, the famous spaghetti fight of '88 is still the talk of the Uppity Waspy Neighborhood. Unfortunately they are involved with a not too cute public scandal that's all over the news at the moment and is therefore very nervous, touchy etc. Dinner came to a halt when the family friend said in reference to the money she makes on the side, "I think that's tax evasion if I don't declare it, but that's ok, if I go to jail I can share a cell with (name of person involved in scandal)".... thank GOD my wine glass was full....all I'm sayin.

Saturday night after dinner, before I went out out, I went to a party that was the celebration of one of my fellow graduates from the best school in New England birthday. Saw a lot of fellow 'cats' and caught up with one of my straight boyfriends from college that is now engaged to a girl that we were both on the swimteam with. He is two years older than I and I always regarded him in the "wow he's so cool and older than me and I want to be JUST like him" type of relationships. He was one of my hosts when I was a swim team recruit and likes to think he's responsible for my ending one of the two nights I stayed spooning a trash can and singing the words to Backstreet Boys "I want it that way". Apparently the legend is that if you make the pre-frosh throw up on their recruiting trip they'll go to (Best school in New England).

.........I applied and got accepted early decision.........

Friday, April 07, 2006

Friday Five A Hot or Not sort of day

1). Hot: My parents are going to their first PFLAG meeting (if you met my parents you knew this is NOT the sort of thing that a WASPY [cept for daddykins, he's geisha] martini drinking, buick driving sweater set wearing family does....... we like to take trips to the corner of Denial and Booze.
Not: My mom wants to walk in the pride parade in a sunhat and pearls with a cocktail... after coming from her anniversary party that I'm planning., her wedding dress... who wants to bet she gets confused for a drag queen?

2). Hot: Rolling into a lawyers office this morning in big black sunglasses, jeans and an oversized hoody like I was a trophy wife on the way to a estate hearing and when the secretary man asked me if I wanted anything I said a latte.....and he went and got me starbucks.
Not: After about ten minutes of mulling over the "how do I know you" thing it dawned on me. I made out with him while dancing at Cobalt. Needless to say I kept the sunglasses on till I was seated with the lawyer.

3). Hot: the prospect of emigrating from East Uzbekistan to the new super-fun location, where... btw I am neighbors with butterstick... jealous? yeah I'd be too.
Not: The number it's going to do on my bank account when I can walk everywhere instead of cabbing it.

4). Hot: The prospect of warm weather and popped collars, flip flops and sunglasses for me
Not: The fact that Mother Nature is apparently on the rag and decided to be a B*tch and rain all over me when I was walking to my meeting a la trophy wife fame this morning.

5). Hot: I'm deeming this cocktail the new cocktail of Spring at least it's MY new cocktail of spring.
Not: The fact that it's honestly purely a joke and I won't drink it at all and I will be sticking to my two lovers.... Vodka and Gin in all their forms.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Here there I'm EVERYWHERE

1). I was reminded by several different people last night that I, Dale, am not a strong black woman, ps I totally heart Jimbo for his link to the article... tots classic. This was due to the fact that a Strong, Black Woman has joined our kickball team and is every bit as sassy as I could hope for!!! Thank you Santa for bringing me my present of a strong black woman early!!! However I'm still strong and ethnic a la JLC style, so get out of my way before I go hong kong fuey on your a$$.

2). Amsterdam falafel after cheap beer and a shot of SoCo and Lime is always a good idea, especially when you smother the falafel in hummus and chickpeas and fresh tomatoes and tahini and.......*insert noise of salivation and drool a la Pavlov's dog* plus the addition of golden delicious fries and dutch mayonaise...superb.

3). Yet another reason why the Vag is poop

4). I was talking to one of my friends the other day about furniture shopping and wall colors and such for my new digs which I still need a name for... I refuse to live in a location without a fitting nickname, and all of a sudden I had a panic attack that I was turning into "that gay guy" the one that lives for antiqueing on the weekends and saying things like "I love this chintz in the burgundy, it really goes with my new and fabulous window treatments" I hope I'm never that guy, cuz that guy sucks. I then ate a fun size snickers and all was again right with the world.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


Do you ever have people in your life that spout out endless streams of non-interesting, annoying like a Herpes outbreak on a first date type of prattle?? I'm not talking about friends that you talk to on a regular basis, people with whom you're actually interested in knowing how they're doing and what's going on in their lives, I'm talking about people with whom you are forced to be in the same physical space with but if you saw on the street and it were possible, you would avoid them like a post prom trip to planned parenthood.

I'm talking about co-workers. These are people whom you are more than willing to be polite to, say things like "have a good weekend?" and "Oh I know, the day can't end soon enough!" but don't really have a vested interest in anything that's going on. Not to say that co-workers can't be friends but the chance

I've seen this phenomenon more with women than with men, be it gay straight or pat, Men seem to want to get in, do what they need to do and get out whereas women (at my place of business) seem to need to have an ongoing noise stream going.

And it's effing annoying.

Not only don't I care about how you treat your pets like people, I REALLY don't care when you start telling me about how you're taking off work to get them chemo for a skin cancer that you just had biopsied blah blah blah blah. I just want to respond with "you know, you should really shoot the poor thing, want me to do it? Hold on, let me get my gun from the car."

Not only don't I care about how you and your bf of three years who hasn't even given you a key to his place much less popped any sort of question other than TGI Fridays or Bennigans, are planning on saving your money to go on a vaca to Ocean City *don't even get me started on Ocean City btw, never been, pure trash* I really want to respond with, "TGI Fridays huh? I hear they call that the Le Cirque of Manassas, you live at the intersection of nowhere and white trash right? Is that what they do for fun out there?"

As much as I'd like to hear inane stories about things that I don't care about.... oddly enough, I have better things to do (like obviously friendster stalking, blogging, and chatting on IM all day with people that I'd actually LIKE to talk to) I would rather we keep our conversations to a "how are you doing today" "Fine thank you" type of relationship.

PS - Did someone misplace their b*tch pills because it seems that I have more than enough to go around

PPS - I'm actually not in a bad mood today

PPPS - I may or may not have woken up this morning with cake all over my face having fallen asleep with a piece in my mouth last night.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Sayonara SUCKAHS!!!!

I would like to offer my farewell...... to the quadrant that I have called the place where I sleep for the past 10 months, otherwise known as the G spot. When I moved to the G spot I was in a HORRIBLE roomate situation. Let me give you a little insight.

I was living in the dirty Vag... yes yes let the taunting begin. I lived on the Arlington/Alexandria border in a 3 bedroom apartment with two girls, one whom I'd known since elementary school, the other was her college roommate. (That was a bad choice). The roommate who will be called White Chocolate, thought that she was of the African American persuasion. She got Vibe and Ebony magazine, only had her tv to BET at all times, and wore oversized tupac shirts, skin tight jeans, and Timberlands to go to the grocery store.... oh and she would tell me on a regular basis that I dressed strange... Friend from elementary school decided she didn't need a job when we moved, and that her employment at a wannabe snotty retail location would be sufficient, she was wrong. So basically she was in a bad mood for the year that we were living there. Combined with the fact that I got the Master bedroom and my own bathroom and you have a recipe for disaster. So I wanted out, I wanted out BAD, I vowed never to deal with drama of the vagina-centric variety anymore and moved in with two straight friends from college.... we've had our ups and downs but it's definitely been preferrable to living with two sexually starved, racially confused, financially arid, (kinda busted) miserable girls whose idea of a rocking friday night was popping in "barbershop" and talking about homies while sipping on Bacardi Ice *Shudder*.

So I moved to SW, which in retrospect was probably not the best choice in life, not that my roomies are that bad or anything but THERE"S NOTHING THERE. Therefore, after a year... I will be bidding her adieu.

I will be saying goodbye to the hooker who lives in the apt. building across the street that I've shared a nicotine treat on more than one occasion with after I'd come home from the gayborhood and she'd just be starting her night (her name is peaches btw), we'd chat, we'd visit... and I'd gently remind her that white pumps before memorial day is a no no *sweet jesus I'll talk to just about anyone won't I?*

I will be saying goodbye to the gay couple in their 50's-60's who live next door and have a dog that looks like it was born shortly following the chernobyl disaster... it's a poodle with almost no hair and these weird devil eyes. I will be saying goodbye to their inexplicable precense on their front steps every time I come home from the gym.

I will be saying goodbye to stuffing 10 bucks in my back pocket before I go out every weekend so I'd have money for the cab home... I'll be hoofing it from now on b*tches!~!


I'm saying hello to being able to walk to the runway (17th st.), living not in BFE, and all the gloriousness that my new digs will entail... WATCH OUT NW!!!!!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Daylight savings time blows

Now that we are living in a non-agrarian centric society I think that the only goal that daylight savings time serves is to piss me off. The hour in question doesn't help me get anything done, nor does it make my use of the hours in which it is light more productive. It only confuses me and makes me apt to rip anyone within earshot of me a new one as well as put thoughts into my head like... "Ok so it's ok that I can't keep my eyes open in the shower, because while in the outside world it says 7 am on the clock, here in my circle of trust it's really 6 am... ok that makes sense"

.... PS remember the time that a team from Va made it to the final two in bball in 2k6? yeah me either.... GO LADY TERPS!! (just another tidbit why Md rules and Va....well drools because everyone's inbred)

Also as was brought to my attention this weekend, apparently I have bought a large amount of tickets that are non-stop one way to friendship town when I MEANT to buy at least a couple tickets to make out/ any town that's not bff town. Who was the cool kid that THOUGHT that the invitation to "get a couple drinks at my apt. on the rooftop deck and then go out dancing" was more than an invitation to hang out?? this guy (even though ok, not blaming the guy in question, really not his fault, plus he's wicked hot) Who stood around while said gentleman blatantly hit on somebody else and totally had the "this is a bad situation" light go on and had to excuse myself from el gay club?? This guy. Who ended the night by fat girl-ing it with two slices of Jumbo Slice and a partial viewing of Memoirs of a Geisha? this guy. Who may or may not have woken up in the middle of the night to take a drink of water, and took a huge gulp of the vodka tonic that I had apparently poured myself before passing out?? Yup you guessed it... this guy.

So, lets recap.... Daylight savings time... sucks. Being tooled on (however non-intentional)..... sucks. However picnic on the mall followed by fried chicken and beer drinking games followed by going out to AdMo with your friends?? does NOT suck. Week was a wash, lets pick up the pace people!

UPDATE: Ok so remember how I had my dream about the people I'd be working with at Snotty Retail Location (SRL)??? People I'm working with include a president of a local fraternity (shocking), two sorostitutes from AU (even more shocking) and another mo. I'm SO token right now......