Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Scarlet.....burqa?

Jimbo, postulated that my theory that those gay men that do things that make me die a little on the inside should wear a burqa and be color coded in accordance to the nature of the offense. As this is obviously a genius idea I've come up with a bit of a color coded scheme that will let all of us. let my sharia speak for itself.

Fluorescent Pink: This burqa's shall be worn for crimes against swimwear. This shall be worn for inappropriate wearing of a speedo, wearing of squarecut swimwear (crime against the baby jesus), and god forbid....a thong. And if you have the audacity to combine glitter or sequins to any part of your swimwear your burqua will also be hawaiian print on top of flourescent. The extent of time one would be subjected to the burqa will be for one week after each offense, and be forced to go out to at least one gay bar in that week avec burqa.

Red stars on a white background: This burqa shall be worn for crimes against the District of Columbia, mostly subjected to tourists. This will include standing on the left side of the escalator, block the entrances to and from metro cars, talking on your cell phone while in a metro car and/or station, and walking three or four people side by side on the sidewalk thereby creating a traffic jam and not allowing me to walk diva on the runway.

Champagne Colored: This burqa shall be worn for alcohol related crimes. These include being a general douche-bag at the bar, breaking one of the many rules that our mistresses of mixology have put down, ordering a michelob ultra because you want a "low carb" beer, or wearing sunglasses in a dark bar.

Paisley Colored: Crimes against fashion. Jean short cutoffs, visors, sleeveless t's, teva's, wearing silk shirts, short sleeve button downs..... you get the idea. oh and anything that involves mesh and not only will you be faced to wear a burqa.... I will personally b*tch slap you..... and let me tell you that a diamond encrusted manicured hand leaves a mark.

The list goes on and on and on, but citizen arrests are welcome as long as final judgement obviously goes to a tribunal much like the Hague and war crimes.... these judgements will take place at fox and hound and only after all the homo blogerati aka judges have had 2 libations a piece.

ps today is the one year anniversary of DC Gays of Our Lives, while we didn't start this blog for anyone else we appreciate all the love and humor you've sent our way!! It's been great so far meeting and reading the opinions and thoughts that keep DC and the world at large just a little bit sassier!!!


Kathryn Is So Over said...

Congrats. You deserve some kind of fabulous burqa to commemorate the occasion - perhaps a gorgeous silver lame?

Polt said...

Congrats on your first year! Cause God knows, if there's one thign DC needs MORE of, it's SASSINESS!

jimbo said...

An excellent start. You could use the leather hanky code as a guide perhaps?