Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Damn the Man
Effing damn the DC DMV and their speed traps, which take two weeks to alert you to the fact that you've been caught by one, allowing you to accrue, in my case, currently, 150 bucks of speed trap tickets. Sweet DC, Effing sweet.
I thought we were friends, I haven't once thrown a discarded jumbo slice plate onto your streets, nor sullied them with empty cans of (beer/sparks/pop). Public urination and I surely don't occur in your district.... to the best of my knowledge (some nights you're just going to have to give me the benefit of the doubt that I didn't know exactly where I was).
I would just like to say that this may or may not be determined as domestic violence because I live within your diamond-esque borders. I'm saddened that you need to bleed me dry with your talk of "speed limits" which, as we all know are in my case, suggestions. I drive a Buick Lesabre named Bertha for crying out loud, give a brother a break.
Things that I would have done with that 150 dollars that would have improved DC would have included
New outfit + Mani-Pedi (no nail polish, just a trim/buff job): This would have made DC more attractive, as now I will sit in jumanji watching HBO to the tune of Princess Diaries 2, and The Notebook on a continuous loop.
Support local business: Sushi Taro followed by (insert name of alcohol dispensing establishment here). Now I will be forced to eat Ramen and watch HBO to the tune of Not without my daughter (One womans struggle), and 15 and pregnant on the lifetime network.
So right now DC, we are not on good terms.... I will be expecting gifts in the form of prime parking, you subconciously directing all the attractive men to me at times when I look hot (all times except saturday and sunday mornings before 2).
And please no more tickets.... I'm a corporate peon, with a mortgage.