Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Damn the Man





Effing damn the DC DMV and their speed traps, which take two weeks to alert you to the fact that you've been caught by one, allowing you to accrue, in my case, currently, 150 bucks of speed trap tickets. Sweet DC, Effing sweet.

I thought we were friends, I haven't once thrown a discarded jumbo slice plate onto your streets, nor sullied them with empty cans of (beer/sparks/pop). Public urination and I surely don't occur in your district.... to the best of my knowledge (some nights you're just going to have to give me the benefit of the doubt that I didn't know exactly where I was).

I would just like to say that this may or may not be determined as domestic violence because I live within your diamond-esque borders. I'm saddened that you need to bleed me dry with your talk of "speed limits" which, as we all know are in my case, suggestions. I drive a Buick Lesabre named Bertha for crying out loud, give a brother a break.

Things that I would have done with that 150 dollars that would have improved DC would have included

New outfit + Mani-Pedi (no nail polish, just a trim/buff job): This would have made DC more attractive, as now I will sit in jumanji watching HBO to the tune of Princess Diaries 2, and The Notebook on a continuous loop.

Support local business: Sushi Taro followed by (insert name of alcohol dispensing establishment here). Now I will be forced to eat Ramen and watch HBO to the tune of Not without my daughter (One womans struggle), and 15 and pregnant on the lifetime network.

So right now DC, we are not on good terms.... I will be expecting gifts in the form of prime parking, you subconciously directing all the attractive men to me at times when I look hot (all times except saturday and sunday mornings before 2).

And please no more tickets.... I'm a corporate peon, with a mortgage.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

From one Asian Princess to another, I hear you. I got a letter from Infiniti Leasing company that I didn't pay a parking ticket in DC, so they paid it, because they have the car title. They subsequently are adding an "admin fee" for their troubles.
The thing is that I'm FIGHTING the ticket, because there was NO "No Parking" sign where I parked. I wrote a letter and everything. Evidently it was easier for them to go around me. So not only do I have to pay the fine or my car will get revoked, but I have to pay extra for a "admin fee".
God Bless DC DMV.

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

They didn't go around you...the ticket is automatically sent to the title holder, in this case Infiniti. If you were the title holder, the notice of the ticket being unpaid would have come to you. I had that happen all the time, but lucky (or not so), VW was too damned cheap to pay mine, they just forwarded them to me! ha!

Also, I think that unless DC wants you watching Tori Spelling in "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger", she better start being nice to you!

Dale said...

Anon: yeah that sucks.... although getting these DC gov't mailings aint so much fun

CB: Yes I'm ashamed to admit that I enjoy said movie in which tori, daughter of an innocent baker is beguiled into a life of prostitution and violence ending in gunshots..... I might've seen it once or twice.... don't judge me.

Taylor said...

let me guess ... 16th street southbound by the amphitheatre. i drive by there all the time, and every friggin' car slows down to like 15 mph. folks, 27 will do.

Polt said...

um...I thought this is why DC had a Metro.....or is that only for us out-of-towners who don't like circling blocks for hours looking for a parking spot?

TOS said...

The one in NE over by Catholic is even worse... they have the lines painted on the street and I think the limit is like 20 or something ridiculous like that.

I say we all invest in a can of that spray paint that is transparent but will blur out your tags on camera!