Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Unclean...... UNCLEAN!!!!!!!

So ok..... last night.... around 3:30 in the morning, I was disturbed from my oh so enjoyable slumber by a small noise and a little tickle on my shoulder. I calmly looked over and then proceeded to freak out and scream at decibels that I'm sure only canines can hear.

A big fat roach was crawling on my shoulder.

Now, I live on the top floor of my building. I keep my kitchen, and apartment very very clean on a regular basis. I don't leave food lying around and I don't live in a state of filth. I did however proceed to go through every nook and cranny of my apartment until 4:45 to make sure that the roach did not bring any of his friends, and I also stuffed an old sweater underneath the front door, where I'm pretty sure the roach came from. The entire time in my head the monologue of "unclean, unclean" was playing over and over and over and over.

I have a problem with bugs.... leave me alone. They make my skin crawl. and not all types of bugs, just the ones that crawl.... flies don't bother me, hell at summer camp I used to let mosquitos bite me and wait until they stick their probocis in and then flex your muscle and watch them explode as well as have contests with my friends to see how many horseflies we could kill in a set amount of time (ps those things hurt like whoah)...... yeah I was a sick kid.

I have a serious problem with spiders and roaches. I think roaches just say to me dirty and gross, plus animals that swarm really REALLY make me uncomfortable.

Ok but I have a real reason for being afraid of spiders. I wouldn't read this if you're planning on eating anytime soon.... or maybe use this as the new diet?? the "disgust yourself out of eating" diet.

Anyways.... picture it.... Montgomery County 1993.... I'm 11 and having a slumber party and the junk food is abounding. My parents inadvertently let me rent This Movie and relegate me and my friends to the basement so that they can sleep and not hear us scream like little girls.

The movie is scary.... yes.... but nothing too out of the ordinairy that 4 - 11 year old boys can't handle.

Apparently I fall asleep sometime later with a blow pop in my mouth.

Apparently that attracts ants.

I wake up a couple hours later with a steady stream of ants crawling in my mouth and out my nose and vice versa.

I become so scared that I can't scream, I'm just clawing at my face to get them out of me as I feel them falling down my throat and crawling in my nasal passages.

I then reclaim my ability to scream and I scream so loud I wake the neighbors on both sides of our house that think someone is getting killed. My parents run downstairs and start making me gargle with mouthwash and everytime I spit out more ants come out.....

I hate spiders... I hate things that crawl.... funnily enough ants don't bother me that much... although I still get really uncomfortable when I see a swarm of them.

I'm calling the building people today.... they will be getting rid of this problem or I will be getting a replacement door with a rubber barrier at the bottom to keep anything from getting in.


sparkles anonymous! said...

Oh my God... I just lost my appetite completely. WOW, is that gross!

Anonymous said...

I don't ever comment but that visual just killed me. I may never eat another blow pop, ever!

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

Well that'll teach you to not fall asleep with things in your mouth. ;)

Dale said...

sparkles: no kidding, I couldn't go outside for a month!!!

Anon: it's ok, blowpops are bad for you anyway.

CB: no kidding, I've never repeated falling asleep with anything in my mouth since then :).

Pook said...

Another thing we share amongst us, Asian Princesses. I hate spiders so much I am paralyzed everytime I see one. It will take me anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour to kill one, and that's with a vacuumm cleaner attachment. If I don't have someone or a device to help me kill it, I just leave the room and don't go back until someone kills it. Jumping Spiders ARE THE WORSE. Nice story about the ants...

TOS said...

I am probably going to lose about... 5 maybe 6 pounds after that one!

I saw Arachnophobia (stupidly) in the theatre when it came out. I don't think I ate popcorn for a couple months after seeing the scene where the spider was in the bowl...

YUCK - now I'm all creeped out LOL

A-Ron said...

Great. First thing I read after waking up. *laugh*

I was checking the calendar to see if it's April 1.


Pretty in Pink said...

I was sitting in my cube this morning and felt something on my foot. I freaked out and shook my foot thinking it was a spider. Looked down, ahh, nothing, must have been hair. Oh wait. What's that? YEAH A BIG FAT COCKROACH! Ewwwww. Thankfully a coworker came and killed it. Sadly, he didn't have his shoes on (?!) and stomped on it in only a sock foot. I thought I worked in an upscale office building...apparently not so much.