Wednesday, July 12, 2006

B*tch please

So apparently spurred on by a series of muggings on the mall plus a nice british fellow getting shanked in Georgetown, the DC chief of police has fit to call for a state of emergency for residents of the District of Columbia.

No Effing Kidding. Ummm didn't the police chief realize this when his own car was stolen less than a year ago? Yeah did I live on the same street at the time? I sure did. Did I make friends with peaches, the prostitute that worked in front of the apartment building across the street from the townhouse I lived in??? you betcha!!

I'm sorry, groups of tourists? deserve to get mugged. There. I said it. I'm going to burn straight in the eternal fires of hell but anyone wearing a lime green visor and a fanny pack deserves to have someone stick them up. just sayin.

In the wake of all of this did my parents call me to ask if I was going to be getting some pepper spray to put on my keychain? oh yes they did. What was the first thought that entered my head?? "I don't think it'll fit in my going out jeans when I go to JR's". I think my mom at some point made some references to karate classes I'd taken when I was in elementary school.......riiiiiight

Although I will say this. The man that comes between me and my jack spade bag, louis vuitton wallet, ipod, or cell phone better be prepared... because in the great words of sheneneh, a strong black woman to whom I am very close to, "I don't know karate, but I sure as hell know CUHRAAAAZY"

I may not look tough, but I'll tear a b*tch a new one.

P.S. I just finished watching Como Agua Para Chocolate, and the main character apparently from what I understand, kills the man she loves by having sex with him.... does that mean she's really good at it or really bad at it?


Alan said...

There are times I feel like mugging some of the tourists, myself.

Don't put your $500 camera down to pull out your roll of bills to see if you can buy little Billy a pair of lime green sunglasses to match his visor when you're walking up 14th from Thomas Circle, you stupid tourist morons.

And I don't know if it means good sex or bad sex, except that if I'm going to be murdered, I would accept sex as the weapon.

Just saying.

Cornelius said...

I do my part by killing a tourist each day on the my head at least.

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

I think it depends on the guy really.

Dale said...

S&C: No kidding, common sense 101... I don't know if I'd accept sex as a weapon, there are other ways I would like to be taken to a morgue than post-coital bliss.... plus my hair always gets mussed.

Cornelius: We all do our little parts dear.

Carrie: Still, I'd rather not kill anyone by sleeping with them, be it either good or bad.