Monday, October 09, 2006

Tips.... from me to you.....

This Weekend has all been about the tips..... and I'd like to share some... just from me... to you.

If you go to Vidalia for friday night dinner, don't order the rabbit pot pie, it is legitimately in a pie dish. I ate about half of it and then gave my dad who was across the table from me the "eyes are bigger than my stomach but I still want to eat some of your desert" face. Also, apparently my parents don't understand the terms "no" and "alcohol" in the same sentence. After declining the pre dinner martini and telling my parents I was going to cool it down for a hot minute, my mom said "that's ok, you'll just have wine with dinner"...... these people both have doctorate degrees, you'd think this would be easier to understand.

If you do an AIDS walk on a saturday morning when it's gross outside here are a couple tips.... 1). Dunkin Donuts is always a good choice 2). If, like me, you wore track pants, a hoodie, and a poncho all from your alma mater and you get wet, you will look like a wet fruit of whatever color you're wearing, in my case, cranberry. 3). I feel it's inappropriate to have a DJ from what I could only assume was cobalt at the rally beforehand 4). I'm pretty sure Eleanor Holmes-Norton was drunk when she was giving her ra ra sis boom bah speech. 5). I walked from AdMo to Freedom Plaza, the three mile loop and all the way back.... I walked over 8 miles.... I obviously rule hardcore.

Spending an icky saturday afternoon watching TV, baking pies/fantastic dinner, and hanging out with friends is a great pick me up and a great way to recharge for the night ahead.

Tip for the straight guys out there.... just because I'm gay does NOT mean I want to meet your gay friend whom I would obviously be PERFECT for just because we both like to S*ck D*ck. I'm just going to put it out there but to assume makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Karma is a b*tch, if you go to a party wherein several marines show up that have the combined IQ of a grapefruit and one of whom refers to you as the F*g, just hold tight and wait, especially if they're hornier than a prisoner at the Ms. America pagaeant. Said offender after I heard him referring to me as said F*g, fell down a flight of stairs, got rebuffed by every person with a vagina in the room, and trying to be a cool guy with his tobacco chew, spit a nice long line of ick juice down his right sleeve of his white shirt..... what a winner.

If you're playing drinking games with said Marines (and you're drinking naught but coca cola and they can't hold whatever vile substance they're passing around) and you're playing "Kings" and Questions comes up... it is perfectly fine to stare these uber heterosexual giants in the face and ask things like "so what's up with don't ask don't tell?" or "so do you guys take turns effing each other or is it more of a flipping coin thing?"

I'm at work on columbus day.... my commute was dreamy but the fact that I'm not a federal employee with the day off is anything but.

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