Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Happy National Coming Out Day

I will not bore everyone with stories of teenage angst, back seats, and the captain of the football team as was my coming out experience. Rather I will leave you with the top ten reasons I'm glad I'm one of the baby jesus's "Chosen People"

10. The ability to watch shows such as Golden Girls, Designing Women, and Roseanne with nary a bit of shame in the world.

9. The wonders of saying inappropriate things in mixed (read: straight people) company and watching them mull over in their heads "was that uncalled for or am I ignorant for not being more sensitive to his gay needs" ...... while I'm talking about how weird it was that my housekeeper found my d*ldo and how we all had a big laugh..... (that was JUST an example, didn't necessarily happen)

8). Rupert Everett

7). The ability to make everyday culinary items into a masterpiece using my vo-gay-bulary. For example, I didn't make shake and bake last night, I made butterflied pork cutlets basted in a bedcrumb and seasoning mixture served baked with assorted blanched greens (frozen green beans), before which I had a wonderful pickled vegetable delicacy (olives out of the jar)

6). Drag Queens, it is my firm belief that every gay person should do drag at least once..... There is nothing in this world that makes you more able to laugh at yourself and be more comfortable in one's skin than doing some drag, even if you do look like a carnie while doing it.

5). Anderson Cooper: Good looking, he's a Vanderbilt for crying out loud!!! Although from what I hear, that lady's a bit too freaky even for me!

4). The ability to be able to have a cocktail at 9 am on a sunday without fear of judgement, and the only question asked is..... what type of vodka would you like?

3). The fantastic ability to be able to relate to people from my lady friends to their jock/meathead boyfriends, I will say that being gay does make you abundantly versatile in the ability to talk to all types of people!!

2). The fear one instills when at a party from the single straight men who are more than aware that two sentences from you and they will not be getting laid by any of the attractive women in the room, most of whom were your friends before the party and all of whom are your friends during.

1). And the best thing I like being gay is......................sex with men..................(Probably expecting something more profound huh?)

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

...single straight men who are more than aware that two sentences from you and they will not be getting laid by any of the attractive women...

SO TRUE. such an underrated skill we have!!! oh, gayity!

Alexandra said...

The ability to be able to have a cocktail at 9 am on a sunday without fear of judgement, and the only question asked is..... what type of vodka would you like?

Oh man, I grew up in DC -no joke- and just moved away a few months ago, but MAN do I miss the Sunday brunch drunk-a-thons! Check out Asylum (in Adams Morgan), they have a vegan Sunday brunch with all you can drink Bloody Marys for $10.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to agree with you about the single man straight comment. Growing up I had a friend who came out in high school. It was tough for him and I still don't know how he did it growing up in a small town in the South. We remained friends and I returned from college my junior year and ran into him, not hard to do since his parents lived right down the street. We went out for beers and he pulled more chicks for me than I could ever imagine. I tell my son that having a wing man that is gay is gold for hooking up.

Dale said...

Anon #1: Yes yes, we must use our powers for good.... either that or free drinks whichever presents itself first.

Alexandra: Thanks for the tip, Since moving to AdMo I've been a large supporter of many local establishments which I enjoy thoroughly.

Anon #2: Thankfully the pearls of gay knoweledge are being passed down through the generations, and the gay man's power of wing man is only paralleled by the cute dog wingman.

Anonymous said...

"2). The fear one instills when at a party from the single straight men who are more than aware that two sentences from you and they will not be getting laid by any of the attractive women in the room, most of whom were your friends before the party and all of whom are your friends during."

This is some sort of delusional gay-power fantasy. Truth is, women want to get laid. And they're not going to with gay guys (by definition). So, two sentences or not, your best girlfriend's going home with me.

Dale said...

Anon #3: She sure won't if we say we overheard you talking to [instert name here] how easy you thought she'd be to bang.... or that you thought she "wasn't so hot but it was getting late and you were just looking for something to bang".... the power of the gay isn't a power trip, it's a fact.

Anonymous said...

Your proffered "advantage" characterizes life in general far better than it does any specifically gay experience. Do you think that rumours and influence peddling are unique to gay culture? That's certainly what you imply.

No offense, but any chick worth contemplating past a "bang" (taking in to account your suggested "already frinds relationship" has enough sense to make up her own mind without regard to your imagined idea that you're the center of her world.

copperred said...

One of my co-workers invited me to a "toy" party. Toys aren't my game, but I'm still happy for the invite. Isn't that sweet?

Sex with men is great, if a bit of a rollercoaster of quality and availability.