Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Father Time... Stop Punching me in the Face!!!!!!

Hello my duckies.... so I've recently been thinking about time, and how quickly it seems to be passing. Now this is not some maudlin hand to forehead "where is the time going and woe is me" kind of post. It's more the.... "ummm what the hell happened and where did all the payphones go" kind of post. So just in case you, like me, are not a girl and not yet a woman you're wondering when the following things happened since you're in your mid-late twenties or early 30's and still wax sentimental for a simpler time, a more Jem she's so outrageous, Captain Planet and the Planeteers time......

Long ago I promised myself I would not turn into one of those comb over having, abercrombie wearing, hollister having, men in their 30's that was desperately trying to recapture the sad remnants of a youth that they spent basically on their backs with their heels to jesus or in the closet. I thought that like my life up till now I would transition into full on adult in a graceful and elegant fashion.... and then I thought, you know, I used to be what I would consider a pretty good diver.... why don't I try that out again, not to mention I haven't been off a diving board much less platform in over a decade. Let's just say a couple of things, 28 year old bodies are not meant to put up with the strain that 18 year old bodies are. After one practice even my eye lashes hurt. Now I would just like to say that I'm not giving up but I'll be damned if I will be doing said diving in any location other than one in which I am very certain I will not be seen by ANYONE I know.

I WILL say however I now own no Abercrombie, Hollister, or American Eagle ANYTHING. and if you're over 25 and you do.... well honey we need to have a come to jesus don't we?

I also thought that as I got older I wouldn't let the worries and trappings of the common folk enter into my royal and exalted head. I wouldn't be constantly worried about things like bills, or the future, or any grown up things that seem to have caused many a wrinkle in the foreheads of my parents or other "grownups." That my existence would pretty much be maintained at all times in the currency of lovely cocktails and fabulous events. Annnnd then I realized, not even this morning that the majority of the conversations I've had in the past 24 hours with my friends have centered around savings accounts, retirement plans, stock portfolios and mortgages. Just thinking about that made me want to recreate a time when I was living in England abroad and myself and one of my best friends would go to Harrods, and we'd walk into.... say.... the louis vuitton section, and I'd be holding something lovely and inspecting it and the following conversation would ensue....

Friend: "I bet you won't buy that"
Me: "Don't be ridiculous, I don't need another wallet, not to mention this bag"
Friend: "You totally just won't buy that, what a tool"
Me: "OMG stop being a dick, I could totally buy it if I wanted"
Friend: "Liar"
Me: "I'll show you, I'll buy the wallet and bag and have them monogrammed....jerk. now let's get a drink, shopping makes me parched for a martini."

This exchange would be quickly followed by an angry call from mumsy and daddykins on why I thought I needed to spend $2300.00 at Louis Vuitton in an hour, but once I explained that with the exchange rate it was much cheaper than buying in the states....well it didn't make them less mad but it bought me a little more time.

So I guess the lesson of the story my dear duckies is in the enjoyment of the things and abilities that we have available to us at the present time. Sure I won't be able to do the dives and gymnastic feats I once could, but having found yoga I am now able to bend in ways that would make having a significant other obsolete, and yes now I worry about my savings account, mortgage, and retirement funds but also I am happily no longer eating naught but velveeta shells and cheese 5 nights a week and drinking naught but two buck chuck and Diplomat Vodka. So I'll take age.... as long as it comes with the promise of the three C's.... Cocktails, Cocktail Rings, and Cashmere.

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