Friday, September 10, 2010

Friday Five - Five Gay Bumper Stickers and what they say about you

Hello my darling duckies, I've been noodling over what bumper sticker to put on momma's new car... and then I got to thinking.... well what does a bumper sticker say about the owner of said vehicle because as a shining paragon of glitter and style to the residents of DC I can't just slap my royal endorsement on just any organization!!!!!! So here are 5 bumper stickers that are prevalent in DC and what they say about their owners.....

1). HRC- I respect the mission of the HRC, I rahhhhly do, but let's face facts if you're putting this sticker on your car you're saying a couple of things A). I'm whiter than an albino child dipped in flour with some cash to burn B). I love going to a ball - HRC dinner HELLO! and C). I really like being able to tell my heterosexual friends, that's right, I'm politically active but still definitely straight acting *barf*

2. Anything with a rainbow - Now this says one thing and pretty much one thing only.... I came out within the last 6 months to a year and I need EVERYBODY and their mother to know I'm gay. I will be attending EVERY gay rally and will be wearing a mesh tank top and body glitter as much as humanly possible and will be giving people dirty looks left right and sideways should they stare at me with wonder and interest, even if I will walk around looking like I've just had a major neurological event...... or it means you're a lesbadina.

3). PFLAG - I'm going to go ahead and say if you have a PFLAG sticker on your car you are of the heterosexual persuasion (God bless your heart) and are supportive of my people and their striving for the god given rights of beautiful jewels and cocktails for all!!!!! However, if you have this sticker on your car let me just make a prediction, if you are ever blessed with the miracle (curse) known as children, this sticker means you will know more about gay bars then your gay child, and his/her ultimate source of embarassment will come from when you sit his/her friends down over dinner to explain the difference between a dildo and a dong. OH, and there is a difference if my experience talking to hookers is any indication.

4). Stickers that look like this - you. are. a. tool.

No, nobody thinks it's cool that you have an abbreviation that doesn't make any sense unless you're "in the know". No I don't care that you think you're in some sort of secret club with this sticker. Please remove, it hurts my good taste.

5). Free Tibet- Now if we were to have a conversation it would go something like this... "Nice sticker, which small liberal arts school in New England did you go to and at what candlelight vigil when you were decrying the US presence in (name conflict area) and listening to "spoken word art" did you get this sticker???? Now I would like to say that I would expect to see this car on the back of an SUV that a wannabee hippy has on his car to make sure that everyone knows that just because he accepted this car from his stockbroker father does NOT mean that he's stopped caring for the plight of oppressed nations.

So think my dear duckies.... what does your bumper sticker say about you? because everybody's watching :).

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