Hello my lovelies, I know it's been a while since I posted but things have just been cuhraaaazy in momma's life!!! There's been housewives to watch, weight to lose, and boyfriends to steal and in all that whirlwind of gayness and glitter I've had nary a moment to sit down and tip tap away my manicured nails to fill you in on the inner workings of my coiffed existence!!!
But for realsies.... let me tell you about my lovely vacation to Rehomo, where good taste goes to die.
Now for starters, if you have yet to go to Rehomo and are from DC, don't be fooled. This is not the riviera, nor is it the hamptons, or even South beach. Expect a couple of things to happen, fat white people, sunburned fat white people, gay men from Pennsylvania or New Jersey who think that wearing purple bloomers and frosted tips is "in" and the smell of Tropicana suntan oil mixed with the faint hint of ciggarettes and shame.
Anyways, I've obviously been making yearly pilgrimages since I was 5. I'm also pretty convinced that my sister was conceived there but that's another psychiatric session inducing story.
So I went this past year and let me tell you some of the gems of wisdom that I picked up.....
1-Rides are not the same when you're in your 20's as they are when you are 6. The gravitron for instance, a machine that spins you around like a salad spinner making you stick to the wall for the duration of said ride..... I believe my comment to my fellow 20 something when we were both on the ride was, "I think this is what hell feels like"
however the boat ship thing that swings side to side is in fact the same and still just as awesome.
2-You in fact CAN eat too much grotto pizza.... ow my stomach.... ow my pride.
3-Speedos are a privilege, not a right. I in fact do don the teeny weeny mankini in the summer but as someone with the weight of an adolescent girl and the fact that I am in fact A SWIMMER, I think I'm ok in wearing one. However I would like to point out that when your friends tell you it's time for you to stop.... it's time.
4-sometimes you wake up in the morning, roll over, and take a big sip of what you think is water next to your bed.... and sometimes it's straight up vodka.
5-All Political correctness goes right out the door at the beach..... as was evident by a lady asking my sister if she was asian because she had "chinky eyes"..... awesome.