Monday, July 25, 2005

How many adolescents does it take to start a fire on the mall??

Ok....so.....

Unbeknownst to me (I was informed late sunday) that this weekend was some sort of national convention for the Boy Scouts, and boy did they descend upon DC... I don't think I've yelled "STAND TO THE RIGHT PLEASE" while utilizing the metro system more times in a 48 hour period. Now the Boy Scouts, as most of the general public know, consists of predominately white boys between the ages of 10-17. Now for an organization that unilaterally doesn't approve of homosexuality I've noticed some very interesting parallels.......

1) Lets start out superficially...... the shorts? the little red scarf? Now if some Queen back in the day didn't say to himself (now those short little khaki shorts are cute, but what could I do to jazz it up a little.... I KNOW A NECKSCARF!!!!)

2) No girls allowed to participate in any of their campouts, trips, or secret meetings..... now I may just be crazy here but that sounds like most of my gay friends social lives.... barring of course the need for the straight girl/ flame dame/ firely fly/ the crude term *hag*

3) They know how to MacGyver the crap out of some wood, twine and a shovel.... all of a sudden you have a working transistor radio (or something else equally as outdoorsy and weird)..... Now I know at some desperate point in every young gay mans life one of his friends have shown him how to mask bottom shelf vodka into a suitable beverage before going out... and if that aint magic then purple isn't the new pink!

4) Part of the Scout oath is "To keep myself physically strong," and YOU KNOW that some queen was like "hmmm knowing how to make a fire with a rock and some leaves is all well and good but lets throw in a six pack abs for good measure.....

5) Part of the Scout law is to be " thrifty, brave, clean and cheerful" now if there are four words to describe what the gay male population is supposed to be thought of I don't know what is.... and thrifty obviously does not apply to good alcohol, shoes, home furnishings, or food.... because there are just some things that should not have a price put on it.

Therefore.... in conclusion.... the Boy Scouts, galvanizing America's youth against the low morals of the Homosexual, have in fact tried SO hard that they're goals consist of producing an adult male population that goes to the gym, is clean, knows the value of a sale , and very good at an arts and crafts fair........hmmm this is sounding more and more like my previous dates than I like

P.S.- boyscouts may be boyscouts but while in DC they are still tourists and therefore the most heinous creatures........

1 comment:

Oh, that girl. said...

I agree with the tourists. The worst ones as the couple with their 18 month old triplets in strollers. NEVER TAKE 18 MONTH OLDS ANYWHERE! They won't remember the damn monuments, but will make your trip miserable. But hey, at least there are now 5 fewer boy scout leaders....so sad. But what a Boy Scout way to go.