Chip and I, being productive members of our specific companies, were obviously chatting at length on IM this morning about my current gentleman caller and how I've reached that point ( 5 or 6 dates *don't know if the first one was a date per se) that I "just am not into him very much." Now on paper my 'friend' look great, good looking, good jobs, nice hair, nice teeth, no noticeable scars, anomalies, previous police records etc (Courtesy of Zabasearch, Friendster, and Google Thank you very much). Unfortunately mine IS from Va. which is a big no no being from the Montgomery County Suburbs of DC, but I overlooked that issue. Now we were also debating on how to let my gentleman know that I no longer would require his attendance in my general vicinity and we came up with a couple ways that gay men know that "We're just not that into you"
1). Make excuses on hanging out and pushing dates back.... yeah it's been a good week and half since I've seen (lets call him Bob), and everytime we talk I make a very general "oh we should totally get together soon" speech. I figure if that doesn't work and he's still calling by friday I'll have to have the talk with him. This excuse allows him to save face and not look like an ass that got dumped...when in reality... oh well.
2) If you do go out with him, bring a couple people along, people who are single so it doesn't seem like you're on a double date, this nullifies the situation and allows him to think that you might like his personality but you won't be seeing him in the alltogether anymore. Also kind of allows him to save face unless he realizes what's going on in the middle and then can't confront you because you're in a group. If he DOES confront you watch out.... awkward city...
3). Saying... I only (fill in the blank but usually a sexual act and a tame one at that) after 6 months of dating, this will send most gay men running for the hills especially if it ends in the word "job" because if you aren't going to do those for half a year, you won't be doing anything else and he'll have to be playing a little five on one in the meantime, and knowing most gay men who have the attention spans of a fruit fly on crack.... you'll be rid of him in no time.
4). The post-date talk. Now fortunately I believe that my gentleman knows this dance so I don't believe this is going to be necessary. Unfortunately some of my friends aren't so lucky. You have to bolster yourself and not say any cliche's like "it's not you it's me" or "I just need some me time". If you need to have this step you must be frank, a simple "I don't think this is going to work out" is perfectly sufficient and allows you to make your point without lying or being rude.
I am not a supporter of those who let their 'friends' know that they will no longer be socializing with them by letting their 'friends' see them making out with some guy on the dancefloor at cobalt/badlands/Nation *although making out with ANYONE at Nation can be seen as a faux pas in and of itself* Either that or breaking up over Email/IM/even cell phone unless he gets clingy and you know he'll cry in public if you break it off, then phone is ok but only if you stay on the line while he's crying.
Thankfully Chip and I have decided that I'll be doing this now, as the beach season is in full effect, DC is a buzz with eligible single men.... and now it's abuzz with one more :)