Friday, September 08, 2006

Don't F*CK with me fellas!!!!!

Sorry for the late posting.... hiatus etc. etc. and so forth

However I'm gonna share five things on this fine friday that are sure to piss me off.... just so we're clear.

1). Don't F*ck with my friends..... I may or may not have been known to threaten people's lives that were messing with my friends. As some of y'all may or may not know, I'm not the most subdued person when it comes to such things but I have absolutely no qualms about going up to just about anyone and letting them in on the secret that were they to f*ck with one of my friends I will make every movement painful for them for a very long time. Oh and if you date one of my friends and you cheat, mistreat, or are a general douche bag watch out..... mayhaps everyone will find out about that nasty rash you had last year or that you used to crap yourself in elementary school...or maybe I'll pick your pocket, steal your car keys and throw them away.....

2). Don't call me any of the following: exotic, hispanic, filipino, asiatic, oriental..... I will not only educate you on why those terms are not only offensive but also ignorant I will then make sure that at whatever establishment you are at, you will not be getting laid there for a very long time.

3). Making references to "straight acting" or "masculine acting." The reason I have a problem with both of those terms is that A). There's no such thing as straight acting, the only straight act that I can think of involves a penis, a vagina, and insertion. B). Straight acting just points to one's own insecurity with how they are perceived, and I dont' know about y'all but while I enjoy clothes, sparkly things, wearing tight jeans and the golden girls I can also build a fire, build a toilet out of wood and twine, know how to shoot a gun, and go toe to toe with any card carrying breeder-man at a bar. C). Butch in the streets nelly in the sheets..... all I'm saying, it's always the "straight-acting" guys that end up wanting some nelly ass queen to dominate them.
D). Barring any personal sexual proclivities that I may have, at what point did being a bottom automatically make one a big sissy?

4). Don't wear short-sleeve button downs..... for the love of jesus please let the madness end!!

5). Putting Sweaters on Dogs..... they already have fur, please don't be that guy.

9 comments:

Robbie said...

Don't wear any short-sleeve button downs or just the ones you tuck in? I need clarity on this point.

Boo boo said...

hahahaha! This is the first time I've read the blog, and this rugby playing, no shower-taking spooner loves it. I'm with you on all but #4 (how am I supposed to work in an all female office if I can't wear short sleeves!!).

JP said...

Lord Child!
Shelby Drank her "F*ck You" Juice this morning, and I think we're all the better for it. Hope you have a fab weekend, sounds like you could do with the R&R.
(That would be "ritas" and something else that's just as fabulous and has an "r" in it. Have no idea what that is jet yet but I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Parker Livingston said...

i need clarity on the button down thing too. i have some that are hot because they fit me and i don't tuck them in. guidance please?

Dale said...

Robbie, Parker and my Boo Boo: darlings I'm sorry to say that short sleeve button downs are all very very not cute, although tucking them in makes them a whole nother level of icky. If you want short sleeves, roll the cuffs, it creates a very crisp look without the heinosity that is reminiscent of a postal worker's uniform.

JP: mmmhmmm momma's just not having it this week, I believe the other R would be Really big glass for the rita :). hope your new place is going just great!!

Robbie said...

Dale, have you seen what many guys pass as rolled cuffs these days? They can be equally heinous.

Dop said...

Funny. And kudos to number 3. I've gotten a few emails from guys who introduce themselves as straightacting, as if that's supposed to sweeten the pot. They clearly have not seen my list of ex-boyfriends.

Anonymous said...

I think your comment against short-sleeved button downs was uncalled for. I am offended....a lil bit

Asian Mistress said...

What about "asiarific"? Is that OK? :)