Thursday, May 18, 2006

Ahhh those were the days.

As Pride comes round once more, plans are being made, parties organized, outfits being bought (if you b*tches think I don't have two new and unseen outfits courtesy of the snotty retail location then you've done one too many body shots).

However Pride is also the anniversary of two other milestones.

1).My parents 30th anniversary, shocking that they were married on Gay pride AND after their wedding/reception unknowingly went to a gay bar in DC in 1976
(FOR THEIR ANNIVERSARY btw I organized a sit down brunch for 25-30 at a DC establishment complete with 4 course meal, wine selection, flowers and a wedding cake that I designed.... that's right... stand back in awe.)

2). My first venture to a gay club... and not just any gay club... THE gay club.

After I came out in the early spring of Junior year of HS (1999), I was a wide eyed 17 year old that couldn't wait to explore all the fabulousness that the gay world had to offer. So I enlisted a lady friend to join me in going to this club that I had heard about in the sketchiest part of DC.

I spent hours upon HOURS getting ready and picking out an ensemble. What did I decide to wear?? Oh that's right Black pleather pants and a black AX sleeveless t-shirt, boy am I Klassy. Upon retrospect I must've looked like the biggest re-re in life.

So after getting lost in SE, and having to ask not one, but two police officers the location of the club, and using my fake ID I bought in Gtown, we got out and went inside and my eyes got HUGE, men everywhere, dancing together, kissing.... something I'd only seen on the internet up until that point.

Now as I've said before, if you look doe eyed and bewildered the vultures will descend upon you like lions at a kill and I was no exception. Within 5 minutes of being there I had one very icky gentleman blow kisses at me and another try to grab me in my no no area. I being the demure and circumflecting soul that I am I do the only obvious choice.

I got up on the platform outside and started dancing.

After about 15 minutes of that I was feeling great, and then the most muscle bound man at the club who was shirtless (shocking) and wearing army fatigue pants (double shocking) got up on the platform with me. Methinks he had a touch of the yellow fever. Anyways so were dancing and he's telling me how he likes my eyes blah blah blah, and then he steps back. I think he's going to get off the platform......

I was wrong.

The man then drops to his knees, lifts up the heinous sleeveless T-shirt and starts doing things to my navel that I can only assume straight men and lesbians do to women in their no no spots. Not turned on AT ALL I just stopped dancing. So there I am in the middle of the outdoor patio, with a wannabe army guy making out with my belly button. Sweet.

He eventually stopped, and bought me a drink (I chose water because I was 17 and goody goody) he asked me to go back to his hotel room as he was just in town on business.... aren't they all ladies... I informed him that I was with my friend and she had no other way to get home and this probably would not be an amenable situation. What did the man say.......

"well she can watch if she wants"

OH NO MAAM, I at that moment turned into Ms. Julia Sugarbaker and my lips got tight, I stood up in all my regal glory, turned on my leatherbound heel and got my friend and left.

After all I am a lady...

Although he was really hot. I mean really really hot.

It's really ok... I was hooking up with the captain of the football team.


Cornelius said...

Nation's is like the driving test every good little mo must endure before they get theit full blown (no pun intended) Homo license. My fav memory of that satanic Wal-Mart is dancing in the foam party with this guy and having his friend come up to us to tell us he just stepped on a syringe. That's HOT!!!

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

It may be true that someone we know gave head in a dark corner of Nation after she first moved here a VERY VERY long time ago.

God I can't even remember all the dirty things that I experienced in that dump before Cobalt opened and I became a lady of respect and dignity. When they tear that down, I shall forget those things and pretend that that place never existed.

Dale said...

Cornelius: I have shameful memories of nation when I was counted among at least one of the dj's and one of the bartenders "coterie of teenage skin-flesh"

Carrie: oh my! I would be afraid to do anything with anyone at that place, mucho sketch-o-rama. Plus I was too busy hitting up the one pedophilic bartender for free drinks.

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

Well my understanding from this person, who clearly is not me as I would never do such things, is that they knew the individual prior to Nation. Maybe the club was just so dirty that this person felt the need to be dirty as well. I mean, I'm just saying. I wouldn't know.

Polt said...

Dale, your posts make dismal tedious days from hell at work bearable.

...channeling Julia Sugarbaker, hehe..I usually channel Suzanne... or Charlene....or even Rose from the Golden Girls from time to time....

Scott said...

ungh, the last time I went to that place, some tragic queen asked me if he could bounce a quarter off my ass. Cookie Buffet lost her wig, and some little thing kept offering "candy." Um no.