Thursday, May 11, 2006

Mothers Day..... on the real... plus Update

So with the upcoming event of Mothers Day I would like to share some little personal anecdotes about mine. First and foremost all y'all should know about my mother.... be afraid.... be very afraid.... I'm afraid, my dad's afraid, and my sister is afraid... she keeps syringes in her bedside table and it was not uncommon in my house growing up to having entire cabinets dedicated solely to the drug samples she would bring home. I mean the woman cut herself with a scalpel on purpose to test a new type of stitches she had just purchased as well as has had her hands on the genitals of most of my friends growing up.....and people wonder why I'm so crazy. (Ps she's a doctor so don't get any ideas)

Now she may be a crazy crazy woman often times pushing me to the point that I just want to sit her down and say... mummykins... you know you've got a screw loose right.... but she's also crazy loyal and I have to keep repeating to myself "mummykins means well, mummykins means well"

Examples may or may not include....

I had an ulcer in college. That ulcer got infected. I didn't know it. One day I woke up and all my abdominal muscles had seized and I couldn't get up or burp or anything and I was in blinding pain. Had to call the ambulance to take me 3 blocks to the nearest hospital. I'm laying in the ER and I totally sneaked the cellie in and called mummykins in tears because I had been there for an hour and nothing had been happening. What did mummykins do? she went into super turbo gear and called the health center at the school to have my medical records release, unfortunately I hadn't signed the release so the health center said no. My mom proceeded to yell at this woman until she was crying and released my records..... 10 minutes later I had a massive muscle relaxant in me and I was sitting pretty...mmmmmmmmm.

My mom was asked by NPR to be interviewed on child health last year. Sweet deal right? suuuuuuure. So they start asking her about children's health and common childhood maladies. Like lice. What does my mom do? Proceeds to tell the ENTIRE NATION, how, one year on Mothers Day at the Russian Tea room when I was 8 I put my head on her shoulder because I didn't feel well and my entire head was crawling in lice. Sweet mom, cuz I don't have enough trouble finding dates.

When my parents for the first time met one of my bf's, we all went to one of their favorite restaurants in DC, wine was poured, I thought everything was going well even though I was gripping onto my then bf's hand like whoah. He got up to go to the bathroom and my mom leaned over and said..... you know (ex bf) isn't too bright is he?? Turns out she was right ha ha ha.

I love my mom but b*tch is crazy.

UPDATE: I'm officially a D-list celebrity as I've been paparazzi'd in DC Style magazine. Go pick up a copy and be jealous that you don't look like a retarded chimp in a second rate dc rag.

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