Ok... maybe I just got off the short bus or maybe I operate under some arcane rules of conduct or whatever but I always thought that there were infallible rules for bathroom protocol. Apparently I was mistaken. I would like to announce my campaign to put a sign in each and every bathroom that is facilitated by men, so in the case of cobalt, sadlands, and nation the girls room too.
Anyways, rules include:
1). If there are three bathroom stalls open, do not choose the middle one. Nobody wants to sit next to you while you drop the kids off at the pool. I need a buffer zone of at least one stall, kthx.
2). Do not make noises of relief or of frustruation, I don't need a running commentary on your experience de bano.
3). DO NOT try and converse with me at the urinal or in the stall, that is a time when I need to be all zen with myself... a time for quiet reflection if you will. Speaking while washing hands is perfectly acceptable but ONLY at the sink.
4). If you are klassy enough to hook up in a bathroom, do not choose the middle stall, again refer to number one but honestly.... go somewhere else.
5). If you have eaten mexican, indian, or any food that would make your experience in the bathroom extremely unpleasant for anyone else using it, please go to a bathroom on a floor where you don't know anyone, I have given more than one dirty look to a gentleman in the hallways when I knew he was responsible for making me want to vomit from walking into the bathroom.
6). Always wash your hands, I don't care if you were "just peeing" or whatever. Your hands were on your naughty area and need to be cleaned. deal with it.
I think these signs would help everyone.... or at least make my life a little more pleasant.