Monday, May 22, 2006

Ummm I'm sorry what?

Friday night was the night of "Ummmm I'm sorry what?"

Sitting outside of my friends house enjoying the evening air when a homeless man walks past, stops, turns and the following conversation ensues:

Homeless Man (HM): Excuse me, are you Asiatique?
Dale: Ummm I'm half Japanese half German, is that the same?
HM: I was stationed in Japan once, I was in the Marines
Dale: Ummm that's nice
HM: By the way.... are you gay?
Dale: Ummm yes?
HM: You look like a nice person
Dale: Thank you
HM: I was wondering..... would you like to S*ck my D*ck?
Dale: Ummm I'm sorry what?
HM: You just seem like a nice person
Dale: I'm sorry were done here, I have to go inside.
HM: Oh ok, hey, before you go do you know where I can meet any Asiatique or Puerto Rican guys?
Dale: *turns and goes inside, slamming door*

Fast forward 4 hours, Chip has done a shot that makes his face look like something unholy and against jesus, I get proposed to at Remmingtons, and we do the shimmy shimmy shake over to Cobalt, the scene is busted and I'm walking/stumbling home to Jumanji..... Who do I see??? Homeless Man.... who asks me yet again if I would like to felate him.

What I should've said: I'm sorry, I've been at Remmingtons and Cobalt all night where I was in the company of PLENTY of men that didn't smell like garbage who probably would be more than happy if I were to "socialize" with them in the manner that you so eloquently outlined earlier in the evening. Not only do I not want to be physical with you, your blatant racial profiling and odiferous odor are detractors to your overall package, not to mention the whole "derelicte" look is SO 1998.

What I actually said: EWWWWWWW and ran to Amsterdam falafel where I drowned my problems in chickpea related goodness......

The rest of the weekend is a blur of retail fabulousness, Birthday celebrations, and random craziness.....

PS, mother nature, stop being an icy b*tch and warm the eff up. I'm delicate like an orchid and cold as all get out.

1 comment:

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

Asiatique? That would be a fierce ass drag name.