Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Fashion 101, do's and don'ts

D.C. is a wonderful city, it is a beautiful city, full of smart, well-read, witty people. D.C. will never and should never be a fashion nexus, however D.C. shouldn't be the object of ridicule for its fashions. In an effort to curb some of the more heinous trends that I and other Mo's (Dudley and Chip) have witnessed, let me give a couple of pointers.....

1)Visors: Visors are only okay if you are a little old asian woman. Otherwise please refrain. If you need the protection from the sun that a visor would provide, invest in a full-on cap. PS, I've always found guys in baseball caps to be cuter than guys without, unless the cap were covering up baldness...

2)Denim Shorts: HEINOUS!!!!!! Jean shorts aren't cute, they weren't cute when you first started wearing them in the 3rd grade and they aren't cute now. Denim is meant to be a pant, maybe a jacket, but never a short (and in tandem constitutes a Canadian tuxedo and is the object of ridicule). They end up making you look like something that's stepped out of a trailer park.... and ladies, this applies to you too as denim shorts tend to make anyone's ass that isn't Jessica Simpson's look big. Please please PLEASE Washingtonians I implore you.... wear a nice khaki short, they're lightweight, flattering on more body types, and give you that preppy zing that I know you polo wearing, lily pulitzer having selves want.

3) Teva's/any sandle that incorporates velcro: Now I think that the Teva or any other sandle that incorporates a system of velcro or buckles is just way too ridiculous for words. It's the summer, you're wearing a sandle, what are the chances that a gust of wind is going to come up and blow your J.Crew flip flops ($5 by the way, I have like 8 pairs) off of your feet, in which case you believe that velcro would be necessary to strap sandles to your feet. And as to the argument that people like to wear them while hiking, if you are hiking you should be wearing shoes, something that will protect your feet from rocks and such and so forth. If that doesn't convince you three little words....AWKWARD TAN LINES!!! I support flip flops and maybe a nice slide a la adidas fame.. and having worn them as part of my work outfit (lifeguard) for 5 summers in a row I feel like I have a little bit to say on that issue.

4) Sleeveless T-shirts: Now let me just say this, I like sleeveless t-shirts, they're great to lounge around in, I won't workout in anything else, and on a comfort level I'm all over them like a fat kid on cake. HOWEVER, sleeveless T-shirts should not be worn out to any social or public function, nobody needs to see that much of your bare arm nor have any exposure to your armpit. Please if you are opting for a more casual look whilst going out, go for the t-shirt with the funny saying... my current favorites in my collection are "I would do me" and "Somebody in the Pentagon Loves Me" because Sleeveless T's were over 5 years ago.... jump on the bandwagon people!!!!!!

5) Popped Collar'd Polo's: Now I pop my color, this comment is not meant to discourage ALL people from doing this but some. I happen to have a long giraffe-like neck which, when worn with a popped collar does not obscure any part of my face. If you have a short neck and popping your collar obscures any part of your chin then please refrain...you end up looking like a tool.

So Washingtonians/ anyone else that may come across this blog, please, take heed, or the next time you see some mo's staring at you.... it won't be because they want to get with you....... and if you are currently wearing denim shorts, a visor, tevas AND a sleeveless t-shirt, please fall into the nearest GAP, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts there will be a helpful little mo there to advise you (after he stops laughing directly at you for a hot minute).

25 comments:

aklsdjhfa said...

Hate to burst your bubble, amigo, but you've definitely worn sleevless t-shirts out in public on more than one occasion...

I'd also like to go on record as saying I am strongly against the popped collar no matter how long your neck is, or any other "justification" one may develop.

Dale said...

Chip I have?? I don't remember doing that in a non-kickball setting but it's probably likely as I am not necessarily known for my keen fashion sense... however, I still dissaprove.

and popped collars are a matter of preference... popped can work for me.

Kathryn Is So Over said...

I am very much against:

-high-waisted jeans
-pleats on any kind of pants
-cell phone belt clips of almost every kind
-loafers with jeans

GREAT post!

aklsdjhfa said...

Kathryn, so true! Also, capris on men? I don't think so!

The only time I wear, or will not be disgusted by, pleated pants is while wearing a suit / tux.

Dale said...

I will admit I own two pairs of Cap-bros (Thanks Dudley) but in my defense I was in HS when I bought one and living in Europe when I bought the others and they were uber trendy across the puddle.

Pleats aren't cute in a general sense but I will agree with Chip on the suit/tux issue.

Kathryn, excellent.. fantastic observations!! high waisted? ew!!!!

The Boy said...

I personally dislike blazers.

VP of Dior said...

yes manpris are atrocious. popped collars are a no-no. and my favorite mishap is plaid shorts with loafers. we are not in hyannisport DCers. grrrrrrrr.

aklsdjhfa said...

You don't like blazers? Dale can attest that I am a complete sucker for a man in a suit! It's like a nicely wrapped present, just waiting to be ripped open!

The Boy said...

No, no no.....suit is good (at happy hour time, otherwise that person probably has a problem). Although I have been known to extend happy hour and still be in a suit, dancing at Cobalt on a Wednesday. But this is another issue.....

Anyway....I think that the whole cheesey sports coat/blazer thing that Republicans do is annoying. I suppose for me it represents the whole "I'm uber-important, and always on the job, so I wear a sports coat whenever I go out."

Ultimately though, I'm just a jeans and tshirt type of guy.

Kathryn Is So Over said...

You guys have no idea what fug this way comes - they are trying to have women wear high-waisted pants and jeans. BOO!!!!

As for manpris, I love them, if only for their K-Fed ghetto fabulosity... and that my site was #2 on Google for "manpris" for weeks and weeks, second only to Go Fug Yourself. Not the case any more as the word is more common, but damn June and July were fun!

Dale said...

Boy: See I actually enjoy a nice blazer/cardigan jean combo... nice fall look I think. and I am also a sucker for a man in a suit but I hate wearing them...hmmmmmmm.

Manpris outside of europe I don't like...

I would classify myself as a polo and jeans kind of guy, either that or uber klassy in track pants and a t-shirt, unshaven with my BoSox hat on..... take THAT K-fed.

Miss Penny Lane said...

I agree that men should never, ever wear denim shorts. But not even on us girls? During the day? Dude, you're killing me!

Please No Pleats Ever!! This goes along with No Wire Hangers!

Keith said...

also: tapered jeans (or pants of any kind for that matter). my bf taught me this (part of my gay man coming of age i suppose).

i think the blazer issue depends on the person. if it's a republican wearing it, i hate it. if it's a hot, hip guy, then i'm all for it.

and as for the popped collar, i think it was definitely cute, but i'm not sure it's in style anymore. still doable without making yourself look completely stupid :)

one of my first lessons in fashion (thanks to my sister) was to not buy jean shorts 10 years ago. now, i just make fun of the people that i see wearing them. why does gap still carry these things?

and is hh on for tonight? i'm in if it's still happening, otherwise, perhaps another date?

Dale said...

Keith: tapered anything is heinous...HEINOUS I SAY

Blazers (true story)

I think HH has been tabled due to lack of people available to participate.... unfortunately I won't be able to do HH for the following week but maybe the week of the 19th I can organize something if everyone's around

Miss Penny Lane said...

Bad news: I heard that tapered pants are coming back. If true, I think we'll all have to boycot that trend.

Keith said...

no!! not tapered! i'll definitely boycot them.

bad news about hh :( perhaps the week of the 19th...

Dop said...

I wrote about almost all of these things on my BALMER blog entry. I am so happy to get validation that I was not out there on my own. Thanks for bringing this to the forefront Dale!

Oh, that girl. said...

Bra - Effing - Vo! Thank god. I think we should dress up in super cute uniforms and be the Fashion Police of DC! If only we could do those ambush makeovers! How much we could do to better our fellow americans. Do you know that I have seen more Mullets....real actual Mullets...in the last month than in my entire life? Yeah, that's bad!

DC Cookie said...

Do you have a picture of 'Canadian Tuxedo?' I'm interested...

Dale said...

Cookie: I'm aware you are from canada and this isn't meant to be an insult... I don't think. It's just a matching denim jacket/pant combo I believe, although I was introduced to this terminology quite recently

DOP: Thanks for the shoutout, if you're around the week of the 19th you should def come to HH

MPM: Ha ha ha I want to write tickets for people that offend my delicate sensibilities of style!!!!

indecentoffense said...

my thoughts: i prefer visors rather than full on caps on girls. i absolutely hate girls in baseball hats, unless they're joking around. because they usually just look dumb. my opinion only. also, jorts (jean shorts) should never been worn by either gender. in fact, we should find the inventor and slap him. the rest of your points...i agree fully, like usual, and have no further comments.

DC Cookie said...

Oh gosh - no insult taken! I think Canadian jokes are hysterical :-)

Also - if a guy is going to wear a baseball cap, he needs to put it ALL the way on his head. I hate those hats that look like they don't fit and stick up way high off a guy's head. Also...bend the brim a little por favor.

Miss Penny Lane said...

What about the fellas who turn the brim to the side? Ewww! This trend is reserved for "Southies" in Boston and accompanied by LONG denim "shorts" that are essentially pants, and an oversized, shiny basketball jersey. TRIPLE EW!!!

DC Cookie said...

MPL just described K-Fed...

Dale said...

I hope that one day I can grow up and be a fat cow and marry white trash who already has kids so we can sit around and be heinously ugly together..... matchmake matchmaker make me a match.....