A few months ago, I celebrated my birthday by throwing a party at my parents' house outside of Philly. I was very lucky to have most of my friends from D.C. to New York, and everywhere in between, attend. I had made arrangements with one of my friends, we'll call Lindsay, to get a ride back to D.C. (Dale was already driving back four other people).
The morning after the party, I woke up very early to take care of my parents' dog (they were out of town) and begin the arduous task of cleaning up. To my surprise, Lindsay was already awake, already cleaning, and already anxious to go. The time was roughly 9:00 AM. Most of the other guests were still sleeping. Obviously, I could not leave before everyone else, nor would I be rude and rush them out the door. Afterall, Dale and his carful were the largest group that spent the night. So I placated Lindsay and delayed as much as I could, but finally I had to tell her to go without me. I'd ride back with Dale.
I was pretty angry with her (as in, I said to myself "Ew, what a bitch!" and then forgot about it), but I passed out during the ride back in Dale's car quite comfortably for nearly the entire trip. Fortunately for me, the three passengers exceeding 6 feet, all sat in the front of Dale's LeSabre. Why this seating arrangement was decided on is beyond me, but it allowed me for much-needed leg room, so I'm not complaining.
This past week, Wash U hosted a 'young alumni' happy hour in Adams Morgan, and I was eager to see Lindsay. We'd spoken a few times since the party, and made plans to hang out, but they always fell through for one reason or another; I hadn't seen her since the fiesta.
While we're enjoying our beers, she looks at me and says, "I guess I can tell you this now..."
I say nothing, but look at her with a blank stare of anticipation.
Lindsay: "I fucked Jordan at your party."
*Thud, my jaw hits the floor.
Chip: "Are you serious, you what? Where?"
Lindsay: "In your basement; we were the only ones down there. That's why I wanted to leave so early the next day, because I was SO drunk when it happened."
Chip: "That's unbelievalbe! Did you spill any seed in my basement?!?!?!"
Lindsay: "No, we grabbed a condom from the pinata." (One of my friends got me a penis-shaped pinata full of condoms, lube, etc.) "We started on the couch but ended up on the floor. When he finished, he said 'That was great.' I responded with 'That was okay' and promptly rolled over and passed out."
In the words of the great Jay-Z, "ladies is pimps too." Here's to you, Lindsay!