Friday, November 25, 2005

Black Friday.... My stomach is soooooo unhappy with me right now.

Ok so. I didn't wake up in my own apartment on Thanksgiving. After having a gorge-fest of a dinner at Obelisk with the rent's and the little sister, whom I'm grooming btw to be as big a diva as I am, I went to blockbuster and rented Anchorman, which obviously deserves an oscar....obvy. P.S. during dinner at Obelisk my parents had an exchange that went like this..... post martinis and bottle 1 of wine:

Mom: Boy I'm really hungry
Dad: Did you just say you were really horny??
Dale: oh god, waitress I'll need another martini, but this time don't make it dirty, I don't want the olive water to take up any room from the gin.

I then proceeded, in the slush storm that is so ubiquitous in DC, to go to contestant number 1's apt. and changed into sweats. P.S. I can sell the sweat pants sitting low on the hips look like it's my JOB. Put on the movie and the soporific effects of the Sea bass/duck/assortment of tuscan cheeses/prosciutto/ cheesecake/martinis/wine were fully realized and in the middle of kissy face sessions I fell asleep and proceeded to snore and drool....... such a hot look for me.

Ended up spending the evening, the family values tour is still in full effect and my virtue has not been compromised! cuddling on a cold night was just what the doctor ordered...not to mention the egyptian cotton sheets and goose down comforter and pillows.

Thanksgiving morning woke up, started off the festivities with contestant number one and then proceeded to put on my coat and get the EF out the door as I had to get my besty A and myself to the rents house in the suburban hell.

Armed with Venti gingerbread lattes, Blockbuster rentals for post gorging, and sunglasses to shield me as much as possible from the onslaught of relatives we headed to MoCo, land of the Jap.

After visiting my grandfather and great aunt at their nursing home(aunt is too frail to travel, so we set her up in her red velour jump suit a la J-lo fame with a full thanksgiving dinner) We then traversed the great expanses of 270 to my mothers twin brothers house in *GASP* Fredneck (aka Frederick). I kept expecting to be the target of hate crime, instead I ended up committing a hate crime on my stomach with all the food.

Went straight for the vino, hung out with random cousins, 4 of the 5 of which have blonde hair and blue eyes. 2 of whom are older than I am and I pretended to give half a crap as they were talking about their "jobs". One is in directional drilling which as far as I can tell involves drilling holes in the ground for wires to pass through, obviously requires a college education, his parents must be so proud. The other of which does general construction work. It's a shame too that they don't have regular jobs because they're both as tall as I am and played lacrosse all their lives so have that whole meat head jock thing going on. Oh well they're dumb as rocks and I make them feel bad about themselves any chance I get. That'll teach those bastards to give me a wedgie when I was little.

Dale: "So (Cousin A) what do you think should be done about the situation in Darfur?"
Cousin A: I've never liked chinese food.
Dale: *quiet snigger* what a moron.

I then obviously proceeded to gorge on the massive amounts of food. yum

Afterwards, and because A was feeling a bit sous the weather, we headed back into the District where I made sure that she was set up with a blanket, tea, chicken soup, and movies, and then I traversed to Mrs. Jesus thanksgiving celebration!!! Now let me say that that Lady can turn thanksgiving out like she was born to it. The naming of the bird had already taken place and Kylie was a delectable treat! After a couple of much needed vodka tonics (mumsy and daddykins had drunk all the vodka, both foreign and domestic, so there was none for me), Mr. Bartender then put on some dolly, I love me some Ms. Dolly, nine to five? I think so..... Hard candy christmas?? I THINK SO....

Mrs. Jesus, Mr. Bartender, BGK and his accessory (bf), the brother of BGK, and assorted friends at the celebration capped off thanksgiving in a way that I hope will be repeated in the future!!! except for the windy walk to J.R.s post dinner, that was not a good look for me. We definitely drunk dialed the boy and Chip at some point in the evening, I mean spreading the love is a necessity at such a point.

I am now recovering....I am in pain.... my body is paying me back for the abuse I placed on it yesterday..... I need to get some alcohol in me before I start my day.....


The Boy said...

Mmmm.....Ms. Dolly and drunk dials....good. real good.

Dop said...

I got a call from that party too. Not sure if you were there at the time or not, but the call brightened up my day.

DCSportsChick said...

It's just not a holiday without Dolly!

Dale said...

Boy: true story.....truuuuueeee stoooorrry

Dop: Actually that's when I got there! I would have said hi but I needed a vodka tonic like you wouldn't believe!

DCSC: ha ha ha ha I'm gearing up for a hard candy christmas!!