Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Hump Day, Yikes

It's not even 11 oclock in the morning and I've already had the most awkward robot dance morning in the history of..... well this week.

1). Ok so I had a meeting at 7:00 am in Bethesda at a government organization. What neither I nor my research group knew was that there would be a suprise delegation from the State Department also at this meeting as an Ambassador in one of the countries that we work in wants to learn more about the research that's being performed. Effing sweet, needless to say we looked like grade A morons. PS I dominated a venti latte at the meeting to the jealousy of all in attendance.

2). As part of the research we perform we ask survey questions to a general population to determine knoweledge of health risks associated with certain behaviors, pretty general stuff. Ok but apparently the research site staff came up with a couple of questions that we had to address in the meeting as they were a bit.... let's say strange.... like...
A). How, other than sex, do you satisfy your desires?
B). How long do you withdraw before you "complete" the sexual act (note: obviously the word in quotations has been changed) Note2: Question B had to be withdrawn because in 20/20 of the men surveyed said they didn't withdraw.
C). I asked what the acronym FSW stood for during the meeting.... yup Female Sex Workers... my response.... a very quiet "oh"
Nervous laughter around a table of professionals? I think so. Insert awkward robot dance.

3). When I returned to my office after stopping by my dealer (Starbucks) and equipped with my gingerbread latte, I went to the lavatory to wash my hands. When I walked in I totally spotted a gay co-worker in his early to mid thirties pulling the skin on his face back a la Joan Rivers and checking himself out in the mirror. When my eyes became bigger than any asians eyes have ever been he turned to me, started to say something, and then just kind of shuffled out the door. Praise Jesus he kept his silence.... I mean really, how much MORE awkward can you get?

10 comments:

JP said...

From Funk-culiar to Planet Weirdo-rama? I shudder to think what the rest of the week has in store for you. You might want to consider taking up something a smidge stronger than Starbucks, this is beginning to read like a Brett East Ellis novel.

Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I'm totally going to pull the awkward robot dance next time I have a foot-in-mouth moment.

mixin' vixen said...

you simply have the best stories. ever.

Dudley said...

Only you darlin . . . bless your heart

Dale said...

Number of lattes I've had today? 4. that's right.... 4... venti? I think so.

JP: yeah me either, that's why I plan on spending most of it in bed. and I'll have to research to see who Brett E. Ellis is..

Dudley: No kidding, if I didn't know me I would totally not believe it.

JP said...

He wrote Less Than Zero...a charming little tale about the Crazy LA Overpivileged and the kooky antics that ensue...drug use, male prositution you know the usual...

Washington Cube said...

Just be glad you didn't walk in and catch him in a full blown Joan Crawford dunking her face into a sink full of ice cubes to "tighten things up" moment.

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille."

VP of Dior said...

It would have been funny if he was saying : "No wire hangers!! EVER!"

Complacent Chase said...

I'm coming to work with you, Dale! ha ha

Dale said...

JP: ha ha my life is totally a lifetime movie of the week, I'm trying to get judith light to play the lead role

Wash Cube: at least if he'd been doing that I could have followed up with a clever retort from Ms. Bette Davis "My mother taught me to only say good things about the dead..... Joan Crawford is dead... good."

VP: I heart that movie.... "Don't F*&k with me fellas".... simply awesome