Friday, November 04, 2005

Check Your Shirt at the Door

Apparently I'm really good at saying I'm going to act in a particular way, only to turn around and do the opposite...

Example: "Oh, I'm not drinking a lot tonight..."
1 hour later: blitzkrieged.

Last night was a similar misadventure. Dale and I made plans to eat at Pasha Bistro, that random place by JR's. I've been meaning to try it, so I figured last night would be a good opportunity. Unfortunately, I had to stay a bit late at work and really wanted more of a drawn out dinner, so we ended up at Lauriol. I have a love/hate relationship with Lauriol. I do love going there. The atmosphere is pleasant, the food is tasty, and the margaritas are oh so kind. However, I generally hate the way I feel afterwards. After "sharing" a pitcher of margaritas, I was much more susceptible to Dale's suggestions, and thus told him that I would go to Green Lantern with him to rendezvous with The Boy and Team Lady.

Walking to the bar, we turned down an alley and just as I turned to Dale to ask "where is this place, exactly?" the thumpa-thumpa that can only signal a gay bar hit me like a wild purse of a drag queen at the high heel race. We had arrived. Weaving through the first floor crowd, Dale led us upstairs. He was wearing a shirt and a vest, and the graceful manner in which he shed both of these items as he made his way up the stairs implied that I was to follow suit. Unfortunately, I have never been in the circus, nor would I ever be described as 'graceful,' so as I ditched my jacket and shirt, I nearly took out a couple of queens. (Un?)Fortunately, no one was injured, and I didn't knock anyone's drink to the floor.

Anywho, The Boy and Team Lady had landed some prime real estate right at the bar, and luckily Dale is taller than life, so he was able to spot them without any trouble. While some attendees did not have a great time, I found the night to be very enjoyable. I did not claim to be an attorney or any other professional, nor did I speak in any of the 11 languages in which I am fluent (although I did try to rock some Portuguese later in the night, but it's been WAY too long). I confessed to Mr. Bartender that his entries on bar etiquette have made me very self-conscious about tipping, etc. but he provided the appropriate reassurance that I was okay. That was that.

Quick highlight: Dale admitting to owning the porno they were playing on the tv's. Keep it up Dale!

It is now 2 hours later...
My "arriving at work with a buzz, so I'm in a great mood" has now turned into "I'm hungover and worthlessly miserable."

Other important updates:
1) My love affair continues! I'm really starting to scare myself. I listen everyday, sometimes more than once. It's been almost two weeks.

2) I'm working all day tomorrow. While I would normally say "thumbs unequivocally down," I am excited by the sweet, sweet OT I will be making, which will get directed towards the "Latin America: Summer 2006" fund. (Any contributions are welcome! Inquire for details, all donations are not tax deductible) To assist with the launching of this fund, I will announce guidelines next week describing the changes I will be making in my behavioral patterns to help make this plan reach fruition. Don't hold me to it, but early indications point towards many trips to Green Lantern for shirtless happy hour and economical drinking.

3) I'm going to see Good Night, and Good Luck at the Uptown tonight. If you have never been to that theater, do yourself a favor and go. You can thank you by contributing to the fund described in point 2.

4) Next weekend my sister, her girlfriend and the girlfriend's homo HS prom date are visiting. My roommate is going to be in NYC (tear), so my apartment will be the gayest place on Earth (excluding Disney) from Friday - Sunday. In order to gain access to my humble abode, I will install imitations of the female and male genitalia on my door, and all visitors must perform the appropriate homosexual acts. I will also film said acts and sell them on the internet (see point 2).

5) While working on graduate applications, I've come to the dark realization that I have a problem... with commas. I use them excessively, and at times, inappropriately. I hope to remedy this problem with some help from professionals.

6) As I learned from the numerous banners hanging in Green Lantern last night, this weekend is the tenth annual "Bear Invasion." Welcome bears! (and cubs, otters, polar bears, and every other animal that is also used to describe a subset of gay men.) Is the gay community a human zoo? If so, I totally want to be a tiger, because they kick serious ass. Literally, non-serious asses do not get any kicks. Not from tigers. Dale is a giraffe, obviously. Insert "sperm whale" and "peacock" jokes here.

5 comments:

Dale said...

I'm sorry, you're a tiger and I'm a giraffe? an Awkward animal with knobs coming out of its head? fool if I'm a giraffe then you're a hedgehog! If anybodys a tiger it's me, duh! I will also accept snow leopard, puma, and ocelot.

And whatever, so I own porn... big woop...

I totally took care of my hangover with a pumpkin spice latte and a nap... and no this time I didn't have a mary lou retton moment..

Brian said...

Hmmmmmmmm... you have a comma problem? I remember SOMEONE telling you that and you ripping him a new one. I don't remember who it was though. ;)

I want to see Good Night and Good Luck fo sho'. I'm seeing The Squid and the Whale tonight on a date. I'm not thrilled about it so mama better get some. (totally kidding). Hm. Yeah, I'll stop now.

aklsdjhfa said...

Brian: stopping is a good idea. I did not rip "him" a new one. My professinoal gudiance simply disagreed with you. I've never heard of that movie...

Dale: Tiger = me. Giraffe = you
me plus sign u equal sign us

Dale said...

is it wrong that I just had an asian moment and thought to myself.... hmmm he spelled sin (cos/sin/tan) wrong... what a tardo...

then it dawned on me.

I'm the coolest.

DCSportsChick said...

ha ha ha I love #4! :-)