Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Remember the time I was a liar??

Yeah ok so it's right now because I've been all excitafied due to the fact that I was offered a low-paying, pretty much thankless job at a froo froo boutique in Chevy Chase on what I like to call the Gold-digger stretch.... Tiffanys, Cartier, Louis V, Saks, Neimans..... the perfect place to take your mistress, bf on the side, or houseboy to get the right accoutrement when you take them to the secluded location away from your actual gf, bf, or wife. Yeah I'm pretty sure I was excited because being offered a job on the basis of "a look" just strokes my ego seven ways from sunday that I, Dale, can still turn heads with a sassy stare and hair flip. So I've got a superficial "pick me because I'm pretty and oh so fun" streak in me...... so sue me. I've had two jobs before this one where I was picked on the same basis and while not a lasting comfort, not gonna lie that it feels damn good to have that kind of re-enforcement, however fleeting.

However, momma's growing, learning a few things, I'm not getting a few more wrinkles so y'all can shut that noise right quick.... quick tip from me to you, Asians don't wrinkle. We look like Connie Chung until we hit about 70ish and then we go Mr. Miyagi and look wizened, not wrinkled.

Unfortunately they didn't offer me enough money, the hours would be more than a hassle to get to and from on my way from el job de sucktown, and the new digs, not to mention the fact that it would pretty much be a total end to any type of social life that I have... even though I was the ONLY lady on Sunday brunch that went home by themselves saturday night ...whatever...I'm not bitter. So as much as it would stroke my ego to be hired based on someone's subjective view that I fit the "overpriced retail locations" look, I had to say no maam.... no maam indeed.

So I bid a fond farewell to "overpriced retail location", even though you had a sweet discount, offered me free clothes as a new employee, and would be in the perfect location for me to meet my rich first husband, I must say goodbye.... goodbye to the other staff whom I haven't met that are overdone and underfed, goodbye to the customers who think that just because their daddy gave them a humvee for channukah that means they can wear a baby T with their gut hanging out, (one too many latke's eh darlin?) and goodbye to being paid to be a bitchy body-fascist queen (I just won't get paid for it now). Ew.....when did I become a grownup?

9 comments:

Chuck said...

In mine and my twin sister's defense, we went home on saturday night with our boyfriends not with tricks ala Grace Jones and Ms. T. Jean!!!!!! p.s. Gurl, I am still going through it from Sunday!

Taylor said...

However, might I note that it remains to be seen what was done with mine. "Thanks for everything" could be interpreted many ways. I do make a mean enchilada casserole, after all.

Yeah, queezy still at 11:30 on Tuesday? Not Cool. Zelko is the devil!

You need to get a job at the lovely plaid boutique at Conn & RI Aves. I needs me a discount at B's.

Dale said...

Chuck: Whatever... I'm still pure and chaste... PURE AND CHASTE!!!

Taylor: true story but I'm going to go ahead and venture that you didn't whip him up an entree at 3 in the morning while blackout. Yeah zelko is not my friend.....

Hateful, Party of One said...

1. I also went home alone after Sunday, but that's thanks to sobriety that I didn't wake up Monday realizing the huge mistake I had made and...

2. i seem to recall that were deep into negotiation with someone, so it seems you could've gone home with someone.

Asian Mistress said...

Ah the gold digger stretch...nice.

RetroDragon said...

I'm with Taylor: think about your peeps, yo. It's all about the discounts.

(I once got offered a job on the spot, but it was by an eldery Jersey guy wanting to know if I wanted to help the "organization" because I seemed like a good kid. I must've looked like I could sport gold chains well. Scary.)

Dale said...

Hateful: 1). Sobriety's overrated

2). those negotiations failed to yield a viable contract and his application was ultimately denied.

Asian M: yup GDS, I hope to be the recipient of its gifts someday.

JP said...

Alright..."The magic key" the "L" key + the one shaped like a window...that'll lock yo stuff right up...I know thi sis off topic...but. and You're right sobriety is overrated... and for poor people...just kidding.

JP said...

not really