Friday, March 31, 2006
Your Mother was a Hampster and your Father smelled of Elderberries!!!
So it being friday and all the gloriousness that comes with it a little bit of an update. Wearing free polo from Snotty retail location, and since I wasn't allowed to pick the size I can't really lift my arms over my head without exposing the better part of my midsection and as much fun as it would be to show annoying co-worker my piercing and have her squeal with sad suburbanite heterosexual delight I think I'll pass.... however the shirt creates the illusion I have a chest so, I'll take it. ANYWAYS, as I was staying in the great state of Md. last night I got to thinking about how much better MD is than the dirty dirty Vag. Dirty.
1). Any State that has the term (mixing bowl) describing a series of circuitous highways that I believe are just meant to screw with whomever drives on them should be divided up into tiny parts and sold to Belgium, at least they'd have the good sense to put up a nice patisserie or something instead. PS when is there NOT traffic on the mixing bowl.... PPS I will never nor have I ever driven on said bowl, I believe it is synonymous with the 5th circle of hell, right above a Wal-mart in the dirty Vag christmas eve and right below going to a bar in Rosslyn/Clarendon.
2). Maryland has THIS LADY to represent us! (Even though I'm a washingtonian, being born and raised in maryland allows me the dual citizenship status). Who's state senator has a recipe for crab cakes on her webpage?? MINE DOES!!! Who's state senator makes David Hyde Pierce look like a giant but keeps getting re-elected??? MINE DOES.... Whose state senator looks like your creepy old uncle that wants to touch you in your no no spot??? the dirty Vag's...that's who.
3). Washington DC currently exists on land that was given by the state of MD. ORIGINALLY Va also donated land to DC and then said....ummmm no, I'm sorry I think that we'll take that land back to form endless stretches of strip malls and ugly apartment buildings that obscure the DC skyline.... cuz that's OBVY a better idea.
4). Marylands state motto is "Fatti maschii, parole femine" (Manly deeds, Womanly Words), which to me basically says.... our drag queens can kick your butt and then make crabcakes and old bay bloody mary's for dinner...... b*tches. Virginia's is "Sic Semper Tyrannis" (Thus always to tyrants).... isn't that the same thing that John Wilkes Booth said after he shot Lincoln at fords theater on land that MD graciously donated to DC who freed the slaves and ended the civil war??? Sweet Vag....I'd TOTALLY want that as my state motto....
5). Old Bay is synonymous with MD. It goes on everything from veggies, to fries, to seafood, to soups, even to drinks (old bay bloody mary is the bomb!!!) I can go all Forrest Gump here and pontificate for days about the versatility of Old Bay and all of it's glorious application. It is the bestest in life and I'm pretty sure that without it I'd be a sad sad lady seeing as how while in college every break I'd come home and have to buy it in bulk..... what? don't judge me, I from ballmer, that's how we do. What does Va have??? nothing.....that's what.