Take a bow..... the Night is over....

So, the Strip clubs, Drag shows, and places where gay men go to have sex that doesn't include the bathrooms at JR's, Cobalt, or Sadlands are being forced to close to make way for the new stadium that's being built close to where I currently live (moving in may, make a note on your calendars, I will be registered at the pottery barn for housewarming....)

Anyways, the changing of the dynamic makes one get a little sentimental. Hell, I would have shed a tear had the botox not alleviated me of the ability to cry, or show much of any emotion at all. The gin takes care of the rest. It reminds me of the first time I was taken to such a strip club.

So the first time I went to a male strip club I was 19, home from college and dating at that time a guy whom I thought was awesome.... lived with his parents (strike one), in Virginia (Strike two), and went to GMU (strike three).

Anyways being brought up in an ummm....sheltered existence, I had never entertained the thought of going to such a place and didn't know what to do. So White Trash Boyfriend (WTB) informed me that on a friday night he would be taking me. I had to prepare. So I went home (I was home from college for the holidays) picked out what I would be wearing.... which turned out to be a pair of slacks and a sweater from banana republic... I had the impression that this would be a swanky joint???? and then went to the bank and took out 30 dollars all in ones. After all, I'd been to the movies, I know what's going on right?

So Friday rolls around and WTB takes me to Wet, a cornerstone of the gay stripping in DC where there's an open shower in the middle where the strippers shower and they only wear socks so you have somewhere to put the dollar bills. He takes me and with eyes wide as a 6 foot tall half asian can muster, I walked proudly on in. It wasn't like the movies............

We walk up to the bar and sit down... I only sit after putting a napkin on the bar stool. I look up and porn is blaring down at me and it's not the kissy face I love you porn, it's more of a.. "Hi here's my arm elbow deep in you" kind of porn, so I did what any proper young gentleman would do, I covered my eyes with both hands and ordered a vodka tonic which the bartender kindly gave me.

At this point the manager/owner of said establishment came over to me and my then bf, introduced himself and commented that he'd never seen me there before... I was thinking, umm DUH!!! but gave him a little french smile and introduced myself. Then the bomb dropped, the manager asked if I'd ever thought about getting on stage and dancing (I'm guessing their asian quota was low) and in retrospect I probably should have been flattered rather than horrified. I quickly averted my eyes, smiled, and said something about being in school out of town and thank you for the offer, while in my head I was screaming "WHAT THE HELL ABOUT ME SAYS STRIPPER???" (ps this was before I actually did get paid to be a go go dancer but that is neither here nor there) . Yeah he didn't get the hint till WTB had to shoo him away, at least he was good for something.

I still had $30 in ones burning a hole in my pocket so WTB grabbed my arm and took me up to one of the strippers platforms and told me to put money in his sock. Now I'm a very proud person, and I'd like to think I have good manners, so I took a moment and thought, now what's the most dignified way to do this??hmmmmmmm. So obviously I made the stripper crouch down (ps if there is one position where no man looks good naked performing, it's crouching) and I made him tell me his name, where he was from and how his day was going.... ps WTB is now sh*tting himself he's so embarassed by my breach of protocol and has left me to go back to the bar. Turns out the strippers name was Chad, he was from Colorado, and he'd come to DC to go to school and stripping afforded him somewhat tax free income, can't argue with that. So after about 4 or 5 minutes he informed me that the manager wouldn't like him talking with customers so he asked me if I wanted to meet him later for coffee or have dinner sometime.... ever been asked out by a naked man?? yeah. I declined as I was attached but appreciated the offer, again in retrospect I probably should have ditched WTB for the stripper, after all, at least the stripper was at GW.

And so the night came to a close, I bid Chad, the Manager, the Bartender and the other patrons of Wet adieu. I left, dignity intact, secure in the knoweledge that I would not be making regular appearances. Au revoir gay strip clubs/drag shows/ sketchy gay sex clubs, your sketchiness gave the rest of us that much more Klass...