Ok first of all... about the DCPD that asked me out.... yeah I'm pretty sure he's still in the closet... thoughts???
For whatever reason, in the past year, I've been contacted by more people that I went to HS with than in all four years of my undergraduate career which is to say the least.... odd.
Now let me tell you a little sumthin sum'n about my HS. It was pretty much the gayest HS in life, and will only be eclipsed by Headmistress Dale's Finishing School For the Gay Male.
Members of the Wrestling team? Gay..... shocking I know, a sport where you grab guys in places you can only see with a hand mirror and 2 years of yoga and they turned out gay??? you must be kidding.
Lacrosse team? at least 2 gay guys on the lacrosse team, one of whom got a scholarship to college on his abilities on the field and one whom I saw demonstrating his abilities off the field at a corner of Nation one night.... did I call him out?? oh you bet your booty shorts.
Football team? Well for most of sophomore, junior and part of senior year I was dating the at the time captain who then proceeded to get a scholarship to Penn State and then flunk out and now works at a golf course.
Swim/Diving team? Well at least one of the captains (me) was gay and I definitely know that a couple "experimented".... boys in speedos? bound to happen. just sayin.
However, my original point is that in HS gay was a novelty.. Will and Grace had just come out, and the only other gay people in popular media were whomever was the token gay on real world and that guy on Melrose Place that never had any relationships. P.S. as soon as Will and Grace came out everybody started calling me Karen... I eclipsed Jack I guess and went right for the drunk socialite.... So I'm guessing that I keep getting these "wow haven't seen you since HS we should really hang out etc. etc. fabulous etc. etc. dupont etc. etc." because now Gay is totally the new Metro. Also.... I'm just that fabulous.
9 comments:
Gay cop: even in the closet, he can still get you out of parking or speeding tickets. And who knows what instruments beyond handcuffs he might be hiding in that closet with him?
HS gay sports: oh yeah, I had sex with a wrestler, basketball player, and soccer player in HS. And this was back in the Reagan years. But back then, we all had to do it after some drinking so the next morning, we could all play the "Oh-I-was-so-drunk-I-don't-remember-ANYthing" schtick. And that after two beers. Please.
I always wanted to be a Karen, but I think I'm stuck somewhere between a Will and a Jack. dammit...
Gay cop: HOT!
Closet: Not so hot!
Depending on how hot the cop is I could prob get over the closet thing...butr that kinda depends how far in the closet he is...
Gay HS: I grew up next to SF, my highschool was filled with the gays and the hippies.
Polt: True story... but I'm such an angel I NEVER get parking tickets. And weren't you a busy bee in HS.
Chris: No kidding, I'm over the closet. I totally forgot you grew up in Cali, I won't hold that against you....
If by busy bee, you mean total slut, then yes, yes I was.
hmmmmm...perhaps I am closer to a Karen than i thought.....
Okay, Y'all are so fricken lucky with this crap I'm like beside myself with envy. THe conersation goes somewhat like...
"Hey self, how was your highschool gay sex experience?"
"Hey self, horrifyingly virginal thanks for asking."
Gay closeted Cop...Do you really have time for this? Yeah, he'd have to be like John, the gardener Boy-toy from Desperate Housewives, for that to even be worth your while.
Polt: ha ha ha, I think everyone should embrace their inner slut at some point... it just looks like you spent 4 years frenching with yours!!
Cornelius: Yeah it's ok, it wouldn't be a serious thing anyways, come on... me? date blue collar? I think not. Oh and better than the "My GF thinks you're hot" was "I have to try it so I KNOW I don't like it"
JP: honey... texas.... all I'm sayin.
And yeah I know, I'm ambivalent to not so much interested as bored... is that wrong?
"...one whom I saw demonstrating his abilities off the field at a corner of Nation one night.... did I call him out?? oh you bet your booty shorts."
This is why I love you
Both my high school boyfriend and my high school girlfriend are now married. Unfortunately, they're not married to each other, because that would just f$*%ing rock. "Retro was such a good kisser." "Yes, honey, he was."
While Fag Cop might be fun in fantasy, that he's closeted comes with its own set of issues. Most of them will involve you always being put on the back burner for his "real/straight" life. Also, consider the potential for awkward situations when the relationship sours--please note I didn't offer 'if', since dating a closeted guy pretty much means it will end, and often poorly.
If all you want from Fag Cop is a roll in the hay, though, make sure YOU know where the keys are to the handcuffs. Not that I know from personal experience...
I wrestled in HS but wasn't out to myself at the time. I'd have kicked your ass for making queer jokes about wrestlers, too...definitely a case of the Lady doth protest too much.
In college though, I went on a wrestling scholarship, and I was actually pretty out. Not like "President of the Gay Student Group", but still everyone knew my deal. I was the fag with whom all the straight guys could relate.
Plus I could whip most of the punks who'd test me. Just sayin'.
xo-
S!
http://theseanshow.net
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