Friday, December 02, 2005

Friday Five..... Insert Awkward Robot Dance...

Ok so first of all I can't take credit for the awkward robot dance. I believe according to legend, it was made up by my friends on my kickball team prior to my joining, this would be summer league. HOWEVER, as I have taken it into my vernacular along with many of my Dale-isms, I have come to rely on it's depiction of any and all awkward moments in my life.... such as....

1). Went into my bosses office at the end of the day yesterday to discuss something that happened in a meeting the other day. She says she won't be in tomorrow because she has to go to the doctor. I said I'm sorry I hope everythings ok. She says everythings fine she just has a yeast infection. *Insert awkward robot dance here*

2). Going up to the checkout line in the grocery to the only available line which happens to be run by a woman in a full hijab with nothing but a box of condoms, and then having the woman say "happy holidays" and then pausing and saying, "what am I saying, you'll be having very happy holidays." *insert awkward robot dance here*

3). Awkwardly waiting for Big Gay Kevin to come out of the bathroom at Green Lantern because he was being hit on by a gentleman who I shall refer to as Mohammed, and everyone thinking that you were there to cruise people coming out of the bathroom or were a hooker looking to pick up a trick. This is not Ho Chi Minh city and I will NOT love you long time! Also awkward, I asked Mohammed in farsi if he spoke farsi, he looked confused so I repeated myself in english and he asked me if I was persian... I said no and he said..... "good". yikes!

4). Going to Apex with The Boy, walking in, and feeling about 75 years old with all the fetuses running around with their body glitter and overuse of hair products.

5). Slowly over the course of the evening, as I became more intoxicado, turning into what I refer to as "Gone with the wind Dale".... I tend to develop a pronounced southern accent and when paired with the ethnic features makes for an interesting combo, def got several weird looks plus one of the quotes of the evening came from Big Gay Kevin, "what are you? the asian Scarlet Ohara?"

9 comments:

Polt said...

"feeling about 75 years old with all the fetuses running around with their body glitter and overuse of hair products."

BWAHAHAHHAHAHAAAH!!! ohmiGOD I know the feeling! I've just never heard it put so...poetically!

See, THIS is why I read you guys every day!

JP said...

I feel ya on the accent. I normally speak without a trace of Texan Twang, but get me cocktailed, and honey I turn into Julia Sugarbaker.
Love the dance. Although, I'm sure your boss was curious as to why you're dancing for her yeast infection. Did she join in?

Dale said...

Polt: Aren't you a sweetheart!! thanks for the compliment... And I swear those children were so fresh some of them had umbilical cords trailing them.

JP: Yeah normally I have my New Englandy talk peppered with "wicked's", but drunk I turn into Ms. Delta Burke! And if my boss had done anything resembling a dance I would have thought her yeast meds weren't working properly......

aklsdjhfa said...

"Gone with the wind Dale," or as I like to call it "Gone with the gin Dale," is quite the sight. I never know whether to feel repulsed or captivated...

Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

What woman in her right mind talks about her yeast infection in public?? Holy crap.

DC Cookie said...

Scarlet O'Hara WAS the vixen of her generation...

Kathryn Is So Over said...

My southern accent comes back when I'm drunk. I once had a drunk late-night caller ask if it was still Kathryn on the phone, and if so what was up with the accent.

Asian Mistress said...

You speak Farsi?

You never cease to amaze me.

Dale said...

RC: yeah no kidding, but one of our current studies is on how circumcision affects HIV infection so really.... we have no boundaries here.

Cookie: but Ahm sooo demure, like a fragile magnolia blossom on the banks of the mighty mississippi...

Kathryn: yeah but I was born and raised in Baltimore/MoCo, the closest we get to a southern accent is using words like Wuuter instead of Water, Balmer instead of Baltimore, and Merlin instead of Maryland.

AM: Kinda.... all my best friends when I was little were Persian and their parents spoke broken english and if you're around it that long it's only a matter of time before you pick stuff up. I can have very general conversations along with talking some serious smack!!