Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Tis The Season

So quick recap of last night..... call guy I met at JR's (allegedly) have the least awkward first phone conversation in life and make plans for a date next wednesday. drink drink drink with these fabulous ladies, after sharing in multiple drinks with Chip and our female friends, Gorge fest at McDonalds, haven't eaten there in 3 years and there's a reason why..... got home and bye bye McDonalds, hello porcelain temple.

Anyways on with the show.................

So every year my Christmas is divided into three parts, much like the holy trinity, yup just about as special as the birth of our lord (who was actually born in september and don't get me started on the changing of the christian calendar)

A Wasp Christmas: This is occurring this year on the day before Christmas Eve. My parents are hosting this year, usually we go to my Godparents house in potomac or the club for a nice dinner. My godparents are the epitome of Wasp, except they're catholic. Godmother, blonde, pearls, got married right out of the sorority house. Godfather, inherited family business, family is founding members of one of the local country clubs, owns horses at their house and goes fox hunting on their property. But at christmas everybody gets drunk.... I mean EVERYBODY gets drunk. My godparents once gave me a lecture because when they were in college they'd make and drink a pitcher of martinis after classes every day, and I said I didn't have martini glasses let alone a pitcher to necessitate said martini. When I moved to my first apartment after college I invited them over for dinner, most people bring wine, they brought a handle sized bottle of grey goose. This year Chip and my friend T will be joining us, thankfully Chip has spent time with them at the beach this summer so he kinda knows what to expect.

An Asian Christmas: I think my paternal grandparents started celebrating christmas when they were little because they just thought that's what you were supposed to do. They joined a church to meet other Japanese people in the D.C. area, not for any type of salvation of any kind. Anyways we always would go over to my Grandparents house and I'd help my grandfather make the Inarizushi, the Futomaki, and the Mochi , I'd get the requisite lecture on how I needed to eat more red beans to become wealthy, lotus root to become smarter, Shrimp to have a long life etc. etc. and so forth. Then I'd get grilled on how I was doing in school and if I was being a good boy etc. My grandfather would also buy lobsters for me to eat because they were my favorite and I'm the only boy, so I always get what I want :) (Ain't I a stinker?) Then we'd order chinese food, sit around and open presents and I think until I was about 12 I'd at some point fall asleep and wake up in the wrapping paper. PS I'm so asian right now.

A Hun' Christmas: My mother's family is all from Ballmer (Baltimore), good german stock. So usually they all descend upon our house, and the wine gets opened.... my uncle LOVE LOVE LOVES 2 buck chuck from trader joes so he always brings a case with him. My sister is a big Franzia fan, I try to stick to the Jacobs Creek/Yellowtails of the world, Mom just goes for the vodka and dad goes for the makers mark. We have good ole Ballmer christmas food, oyster stew, oyster stuffing, ham, and eels (it's a german thing). Then everyone starts asking me if I'm seeing anyone, the answer is always no, ever since my mom ANNOUNCED that I had posed for an ad and passed it around the table AT DINNER, I'm like the christmas special..... "what's gay dale up to these days?? Something gay I'll bet, I wonder if he's letting creepy photographers photograph him anymore in little more than fur boots and fake snow".......
Then my mom who's drunk at this point usually starts in about how I need to have kids as she's not getting any younger (I'm 23 she just turned 50.... I mean c'mon)

So that's christmas.... aren't you glad you're not related to me?

10 comments:

Princess B said...

Ha! Sounds like fun or at least mildly entertaining. =) Merry Christmas!

Polt said...

Oh i don't know, i think it'd be fun to be related to you. The family gatherings sound hilarious. Ours are much more...staid and dull and boring. but lack of alcohol there probably has something to do with it!

Course, they probably only sound fun cause I'm on the outside looking in....

Taylor said...

I could tolerate Christmas with my family a lot more if they weren't non-drinking Southern Baptists. (NASCAR, NASCAR-adjacent things, regular soda, and lots of strange southern dessert casseroles). I always envy my friends who regail me with stories about how their family would 'hooch it up at the holidays.

Dale said...

T.P.B: Fun....ummm maybe for the first couple of rounds, I just try to maintain a steady buzz from the day before Christmas eve till New years day.

Polt: Very true, they're a lot of things but boring isn't one of them... last year my mom (drunkenly) went on about how the bush twins dress like sluts for about 15 minutes.

Taylor: I don't understand how ANYONE could make it through the holidays without alcohol, last year everybody got drunk and we tried to figure out which relative I inherited GAY from.... awesome.

Dale said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JP said...

I can so relate to this...On a few levels...It's just me and the sisters these days, but I feel ya on the drink drink drinks...Keep 'em coming. My sister's in-laws are constantly running in to see if I've gotten any gayer from when the last time they saw me...Gotta love being treated like a novelty.
"JP Never has a second glass of Gin and Tonic at home..."

The Boy said...

I think you're missing the gay christmas that will be celebrated at jr's with g&t's and kissing boys like it's going out of style.

Dale said...

JP: tell me about it, but I bypass the G&T's and go straight martini style after the second time I hear "so, like, do you know john (no last name), I think he lives in DC, and he's gay."

Boy: D'oh totally forgot, PS when are we celebrating that this year??

Kathryn Is So Over said...

I dunno, Dale, I was at a party where I met another gay blogger, and he asked me something about you and Chip. I said I'd met you and gave a very basic physical description (gorgeous, tall, lithe, half-asian wonder, o'course), and he immediately knew who YOU were.

So ya never know.

Kathryn Is So Over said...

BTdubs my word veri last time was something ending in qaf.

Loves it.