Friday, January 27, 2006

I'm sorry.... I need a moment.....

Allright so all I have to say is TGIF... I have had a few DC GAYS OF OUR LIVES MOMENTS recently and it being friday I'll share a smattering.

1). On my drive to work this morning, leaving what is definitely a gay dominated neighborhood in SW, I pulled up behind a car that had the bumper sticker "Marriage = (picture of stick figure man) + (picture of a stick figure woman)." I, having just had my first sip of glorious french roast coffee was NOT going to let this small minded mongoloid ruin my otherwise enjoyable drive into work. What was my response?? Wait until it was green go up beside him and get to the next light which was red... turn to him.... and start blowing kisses and making other rude gestures... he may or may not have almost hit a pedestrian in response. I swear, come into my city with that mess?? B*tch please.

2). While catching up with a friend I haven't spoken to in a while last night, we were discussing dating and boys etc. And I asked him whom he was dating, and we were talking about the last guy and I asked...

Dale: So where did XXXX work?
Friend: He worked for the Department of Transportation
*Awkward Silence*
Friend: yeah I know.... don't even get me started

I don't have anything against the D.O.T. I just find it hilarious that in the lunchroom that is the Executive Cabinet, that there are clear cut lines on who gets to sit at the cool kids table (State, Defense, Intelligence, Justice), who's pretty much friends with everybody (Education, Labor, Commerce, Treasury) and then those with the pocket protectors getting excited over the extra credit they've already done for their advanced Calc classes (Energy, Transportation, Interior, Agriculture)

3). Also on my drive this morning, while still enjoying my french press goodness I was going through random stations in the loaner car, which I'm still not comfortable driving. As I was going through I hear a little poppy tune, so I'm jamming..... I'm jamming.... all of a sudden the phrase "and we raise our prayers up to you oh lord" comes through and I almost cause a major accident on the GW pkwy as I freak out that I had been blaring *gasp* CHRISTIAN ROCK for the better part of 5 minutes. I have the suspicion that the Bourney's/ Vangeys are trying to take over DC. It was just WAAAAYYYY too early in the morning for me to be filled with Christs love. the only man I wanted inside of me at that moment was Juan Valdez and I had taken care of that already.

4). Last night I spent a good 20 minutes chastizing this gentleman whom is applying for a position for the clandestine role that is gentleman caller about how he was wrong for, when moving up to the DC area, to choose to live in Vag as opposed to the Delectable District or Marvelous Maryland. I'm just suprised that the gentleman gave in as quickly as he did.... it's my powers of persuasion people... plus the undeniable fact that the Vag is icky.

5). I find it hilarious that, every time I get off at the Gallery Place/ Chinatown metro stop and I see a tourist, they give me this knowing look like oh of course this is where I get off... like I'm going to now run off to my great uncles acupuncture shop and practice my piano/violin while doing complex calculus. I just want to walk up to these people and say.... I'm not chinese, I was born in Baltimore, stop looking at me like I'm about to start spouting confucius and hong kong fuey somebody.... sheesh.

****I'm sorry I just had to share this update... it's too effing good. This is literally a text message from someone whose number I didn't recognize but turned out to be a co-worker that I had drunkenly given my number to one evening at Cobalt****

"Today is national Good Looking day. Send this message to anyone you know who is good looking. Don't send it back to me. I've had hundreds of them."

I'm sorry, but is that normal friday work behavior????

Oh and to all my friends who are wondering "why didn't Dale send me that txt message as I am obviously good looking" yes all my friends are capable of making men swoon and women jealous but I don't participate in the chain-letter behavior. sorry... just don't.


aklsdjhfa said...

Don't lie, it's never too early to be filed with Christ's love!

JP said...

I feel ya on the Marriage bumper sticker...The last thing we need is more of them BREEDING! There's tons of them here and everytime I see them I look for something my cookies.
Good morning!

Kathryn Is So Over said...

I heart a good Saved! reference on a Friday morning.

And I'm totes stealing your line about the only man I want inside of me at this hour is Juan Valdez.... nice.

Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

Cracking up over #2... so true!

And yes, love the Juan Valdez reference, too. :)

Dale said...

Chip: I'm sorry but I cannot have Christs love anytime before noon, it's just not kosher.

JP: what I'm amazed at is that the mans car hadn't been vandalized/ pelted with bricks... you can't swing a dead cat in D.C. without hitting 5 mo's.

Kathryn: Done, Juan Valdez is my boyfriend in the morning, and depending on how I'm feeling, Comrade Stoli, Ben and or Jerry, Mr. Digiorno, and, and Sir Tanqueray are my night time callers.

Taylor said...

Growing up in the holy land (upstate SC) I got really good at spotting jesus fish tunes on the radio ... they just have a certain tambre that satan's music doesn't have.

I didn't realize that there was a pecking order among the feds and their workplaces. What about Veterans' Affairs and, of course, HHS (which I can't believe you forgot).

Dale said...

oh HHS is the cool kids table obvy. and yeah me either

Veterans affairs are kinda "special" have to say :)

Cornelius said...

Hey, at least you don't have to ride the "Ghetto Green" line everyday...I am just waiting for the day I witness a shooting. I would take "Jesus Loves Me" (the dance remix of course) over watching slapfights in my metrocar anyday.

RetroDragon said...

During the inauguration, the Texans seemed to pick the gayborhood as their HQ since a lot of men were walking around the place in cowboy boots and hats (and not in a gay-ronic sort of way). My hot neighbor and I agreed that we would start making-out if we saw a Texan was walking down the street. Unfortunately, they only seemed to walk down the street when my ugly neighbor was watering his plants...

Asian Mistress said...

A chain text....what is the world coming to?

And number 3 - definitely not the way to arise in the morning with the Lord.