Tuesday, January 24, 2006

A New Day has come.....

Hello peeps.... you know how sometimes after you have a REALLY Shi**y couple of days, it makes you go into high productive gear mode to take care of said Shi**iness??? Welcome to my day, screw feeling sorry for myself (pity parties work out SO well) and time to do something about it. I'm not going into details but suffice it to say Daddy's a big boy and taking care of his own Sh*t for once.

That being said a couple of things have come to light.....

1) DC is full of people that will give you lip service, be nice to you as long as you can do something for them.... this is magnified in gay DC, ESPECIALLY when they want to sleep with you/one of your friends. I'm lucky to have not only T+A +Chip, aka (DC Fam) but also Dudley, who.... will tell a b*tch when you done messed up and will also be there to calm you down when you freak the eff out.... I still stand by the saying "Friends are the family you choose," and when the chips is down you gots to have some peeps in your corner.

2). My dog, la Principessa Infante Chloe, is the best at getting me out of a bad mood. For some reason she knows whenever I'm in a funk and she'll walk right over and plop her fat little butt directly on my chest/lap while I'm enjoying the wonderment of Logo or whatever glorious and overlooked movie happens to be on the Lifetime Movie Network starring Judith Light or Valerie Bertinelli who is dying of cancer or having just been the victim of incestual rape/attempted murder by her ex husbands child bride. She'll do this without provocation and there is no way you can stay in funk with a punim like that....

Proceed with awwwwws.... ready?????




3) As I've said before, I WAS going to start my family values tour before Christmas.... well that didn't happen as apparently I thought it'd be a better idea to acquaint myself with Santa as well as a few of his helpers... needless to say DC is way too small and word gets around WAY too fast for me to be wasting my time with jokers, I will now be known as Dale the virgin queen.... and I can hear some of you queens laughing through the blogosphere.... DON"T MAKE ME CUT YOU. Oh and no longer will "Oh I'm the communications director for......" or "I'm a partner at XXXX law firm" or " You should see my beach house" be selling points.... Quality not Quantity.... and repeat.... Quality not Quantity.

4) Being a grownup is really time consuming... I think I need a personal Assistant whom will schedule my various appointments/ social obligations.... I would like said Asst. to be British (they sound better on the phone don't they?) shorter than I am, named Balfour, Basil (prounounced baaahselll), or Horace. Who will answer the phone with greetings like.... "I'm sorry but HRH (I will be married to some sort of european royalty obvy) is not taking callers at the moment... please call between the hours of 6 and 6:15 in between HRH (dale)'s 2nd and third martini of the evening."

5) For as much fun as I have going out all the M.Fiing time..... I'm just SO popular, I'm going to start instituting self imposed recharge periods which will begin taking place, in order to be at the top of my game I'm GOING to need to get more rest.... sweet jesus christ on a cracker I'm getting old.

6 comments:

Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

Recharging is a good idea. After all, you don't want to look old before your time, right?

Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

Oh - and I totes need a personal assistant, too. Someone who will answer my phones (and, preferably, actually do my work) while I'm getting my toenails done.

Dudley said...

You bettah TESTIFY sistah!!!

Dale said...

RC: Old before my time?? that's what botox and collagen are for :)

Dudley: I know that you know that we ALL know that's right.

The Boy said...

Dale the Virgin Queen....Is your image going to start appearing on tall candles in the ethnic food aisles at the supermarket, and will small towns in Latin American carry around effigy's of you during Carnaval?

Dale said...

Boy: obviously, I will be known as the virgin queen of the gin, patron saint of going out and being fabulous. I will be accepting offerings of martinis and Gin and tonics for my blessing.