Wednesday, January 04, 2006

"Doors Closing"

Thanks to Beaverhausen, my goal for the month is to be the new voice of Metro. Although WMATA has its own script, I would suggest the following:

"Check yo' self fool, these doors are closin'!"
"Back up, b*tch! Another train'll be here in a hot minute."
"Oh my god Becky, look at her butt it is so big, the doors can't close! Please step away from the doors."
"This ain't the village whore, everyone does not get a ride. Doors closing."
"Drop it like it's hot. Even a bag, suitcase, or purse can prevent the doors from closing."
"Whatcha gon' do with all that junk, all that junk inside yo' trunk? Whatever you do, please do not block the doors."
"I don't think you're ready for this jelly. Ready or not, doors closing."

How's that for "a fresh voice that will make rail riders take notice?"

Any others?

13 comments:

The Boy said...

hilarious!

Washington Cube said...

Excellent.

Mr. Bartender said...

awww...great post chip...thanks for making me smile though my hangover fog

Kathryn Is So Over said...

I like to move it, move it... so let's move it toward the center of the train, people!

V. funny.

aklsdjhfa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I love it, Dale -- I definitely think you should record the announcements!

aklsdjhfa said...

Dale is in Florida, and did not write that post. I, however, thank you for the compliment.

Kisses,
Chip

Complacent Chase said...

Ha Ha! Love 'em all!

RetroDragon said...

How about: "Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, and Ram a brain. If you're contemplating it, jump. If not, get the fuck inside the car before I push you."

Polt said...

A friend of mine in London told me this story, I don't know if it's true or not. But on the tube, after three times of not being able to close the doors and having the recording say, "Please mind the doors." The train's conductor got on the intercom and said, "Everyone, please look around you. I will be trying to shut the doors once more. If you see some moron in thier way, blocking them from going shut, please shove this individual back out of the train, as they are obviously too stupid to live. We may then continue on our way." And then the doors successfully shut.

Dale said...

Rhinestone Cowgirl: Don't feel too bad, for such a funny post I'm sure lots of people mistook it for my writing ;), ha ha ha jk.

DC Cookie said...

If you were the voice, I'd give up driving just to hear you every morning. What a frickin' FANTASTIC idea!

VP of Dior said...

too funny