Thursday, January 19, 2006

MAL. A fashion Retrospective

Now let me preface this post with the statement, on a very subjective level I don't like leather if it isn't in accessory/shoe form. I own two leather jackets not because I ever wear them, but because I got bored one day at an outlet center in Maine and Burberry was closed and momma needed to workout my credit card. However I can understand the appeal that one would find for leather accoutrement, and therefore have offered a couple of pointers for those that would be of such proclivities in the wake of the MAL festivities and the fact that I looked at all the MAL pictures (mostly to see if any of team lady was in it this year or to catch a picture of The Boy in his alleged leather pants *chuckle*)

Harnesses: I'm gonna go ahead and say less is more. The X across the chest is a fine way to accentuate your chest muscles and make any fat deposits in your pec area look like you've done more bench presses than pie eating contests. However if you are going to wear such a contraption, for the love of suede don't wear a vest over it, the combo look is just not cute and it aint like you're wearing the vest for warmth. Oh and to the people that wear the single strap across their shoulder to the opposing hip, YOU LOOK LIKE A GAY SAFETY PATROL, I really am expecting one of you to say "Now everyone attention please, I'm going to be passing out condoms and if one of you mary's is caught doing otherwise you get a half an hour time out during which time you will not be served any alcohol. Now please form 2 straight lines and lets all get our drinks, NO NOT YOU GARY, I ALREADY TOLD YOU, NO CUTTING IN LINE!!"

Pants: Leather pants by and large make me cringe. I don't think that they are flattering to the posterior region, nor to the legs, often times making one look shorter than they really are, and judging by the DC gay male population, shorter aint something to shoot for. That being said, remember to bring a friend with you to make sure that the pants are as tight in the butt as possible and tight on the legs, I'm postulating that the whole point of leather pants is like wearing a second skin (hell it IS wearing a second skin) so you want to work it out. Besides, the whole idea of baggy leather pants just made me throw up a little in my mouth.

Vests: Now vests for me are SO late 70's, YMCA, Village people. They make me think of kitsch more than tough leather daddy and therefore I designate that moniker to people that wear them. If you HAVE to wear one, please wear only the vest as a top, do not combine with a harness or a shirt or anything else. Although I will be silently singing "In the Navy" everytime I see you.

Thongs/Jockstraps: Now brings me to the most useless piece of leather-wear in life. Ok so maybe not the jockstrap because I can understand the whole tough jock look I guess, but leather doesn't breathe and I don't know about y'all but I enjoy aeration on many levels. However, if you ARE going to wear a leather thong/JS, please don't get one with metal spikes coming out of the area that covers your flower, I mean really, isn't the point of wearing a contraption like that to make people want to TOUCH your flower? not be impaled by the underwear surrounding it??? Let's put on our thinking caps people!!!

Personal Opinion: Call me a horribly racist and bigoted person (although as a bi-racial homosexual that is a really hard designation to make stick to me) but I don't think that my ethnic people (the asians) look good in leather. I think that's because I hate Hate HATE the designation of asians being submissive and subservient, and all the pictures in MW of asians in leather had them in dog collars and chains being led around by some guy.... blech.

P.S. I want to start a Mid-Atlantic Preppy weekend, can we go with where everyone wears pastel polos and sperry top-siders? and the bar serves Cape-codders and Highballs? I'd think I'd be more apt to participate if something like THAT were to occur.

P.P.S- the slogan to Mid-Atlantic Preppy weekend would be "Come put yourself on the MAP" (har har har)

9 comments:

The Boy said...

Don't hate on the leather pants!

I think this was the third time I've worn them since I bought them three years ago....

Dale said...

he he he he, not so much the pants as trying to pull off the tough leather look... cuz you are such a pretty lady ;).

And like I should talk, I used to own birkenstocks *GASP*

Taylor said...

let's not go there ... back in the late 90s when i was a brand rep for A&F in the plaid-flannel-baggy khakis-deer antler chandeliers-era, i had birkenstock sandles AND birkenstock clogs. and my share of fleece vest (which i STILL own for nostalgia's sake, plus those buggers are warm).

and while i'd like to have a pair of leather pants (more of the rock 'n roll thing rather than the leather daddy thing), i'm likely to never have them unless they're custom-made, considering that i have a hard enough time finding regular pants/jeans that fit me right.

SIGN ME UP for MAP weekend fo' sure. This Palmetto boy will show you preppy!

Taylor said...

and by the way, i just perused the pics at MW, and i think i threw up a little.

and WHAT WAS UP with that guy dressed in those court-jester looking chains in the last pic from the eagle?

Dale said...

Taylor: ps HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! and oh god don't even get me started on the chain mail..... ew

JP said...

I just don't get it. I was on a plane coming back to Houston and was seated next to "Leather Daddy & his cub". They said they wear it out of comfort...How is assless chaps and a harness comfy? Cause it looks just the opposite, but I ain't hatin.
Smart& Preppy just hasn't had it's day in the sun yet...
Taylor's B-day?

The Boy said...

Smart & Preppy is like every day in Washington, DC.

I thought the leather was a fun change of pace.

Dale said...

Fun isn't the word I'd use for it.... but then again I would look heinous in anything leather that wasn't a belt, shoes, or bag of some kind.

aklsdjhfa said...

MAP 2k6 is definitely going down... I'd say early spring, when the pastels are in full effect. Georgetown students, however, are not invited...

Pass me a vodka gimlet!