So this upcoming weekend I'm fleeing the Rain-soaked Washington Area and going to a nice skiing weekend in NH via the Manch-vegas airport. Now I CAN ski but I am going to choose not to this weekend as I don't feel like ice-ing my knees and that will really cut into my drinking time of which apparently the plan is to go on a 3 day bender the likes of which are only spoken of in hushed tones outside of lambda rising on weeknights (if you know what I'm talking about kudos!!!). I hope that A) I don't do/say anything embarassing B). other people do and being armed with my digi cam I can record it for posterity/blackmail. HOWEVER, in the past I have been known to do quite embarassing things drunk which include:
1). At Chips birthday celebration I not only danced on a pole in shorts that would be tight on a 12 year old, I gave a tutorial to other drunkards on the intricacies of dancing on a pole...... needless to say unfortunately I didn't explain myself well enough as some of the participants bruised themselves from several of the "demonstrations" I gave which they then tried to duplicate.
2). In college, insisting on being carried home by my straight boyfriends from the football team when we'd get sh*t-faced off campus and I didn't feel like walking. It was a pretty common sight to see me being slung over the shoulder of guys that could bench-press fridges just because I could. *covers face from shame*
3). While visiting NYC to see my favorite straight boyfriend and the only person who can peer pressure me into dropping over 5G's in an hour just because we were bored.... we got drunk at a bar called the park, I ended up striking up a conversation with a girl at the bar, discussing her recent boob job, me feeling her boobs AT THE BAR and giving my opinion, and then her bf who was right next to her buying me a drink because he found the situation so amusing....
4). One time Saks was giving out martinis and I was having a "I'm having a crappy day so I want something pretty" moment and of course I had like 3 of those bad boys while perusing the stock. What did I walk out of there with?? yes you guessed it, a gucci fanny pack a la Sex and the City Sarah Jessica Parker fame. Thankfully I was dining at Cheesecake Factory and sobered up (on Gin and Tonics) enough to realize my erroneous purchase which I summarily brought back and returned.
5). While having a "wine night" with my friend from back in the day, I was also in the process of moving my crap from the rents house to I guess my first apt. which was unfortunately in the Vag, I was trying to show her something and fell into the box, and it was a pretty big box.... took me more than a minute to figure out how to get out of said box and in the meantime she had taken pictures of me A$$ up in my lifeguard suit (hadn't changed from work) and flip flops yelling at her to come help me..... damn B*tch.
Hope everyone has a great MLK weekend, I have to take monday off as my company sucks donkeys and doesn't recognize this very important holiday. As I was quoted in my college paper on MLK day:
"On this day MLK had a dream about equality, (Dale) had a dream about cowboys"
.... not meant to be disrespectful, the article was about me making my straight bf's take a dance class with me.