In the wake of our fearless leader issueing his support of the first constitutional amendment that limits the rights of his citizens, I believe it is time for me to once again assume control over jesusland and take the reigns of this country before were ALL start saying things such as:
"I think we agree, the past is over" (Bush, May 10, 2000)
That being said, please let me communicate the platforms on which I will be running, and obviously winning the position of POTUS, as well as maintaining HRH Dale.
Family: I think were a little too short-sighted here. The issue isn't about who can marry who, who the eff cares if Jim wants to marry John instead of Jane, god may not have created Adam and Steve but he sure created Cheez Wiz so we all know that the big guy aint perfect. Plus, I still can't wrap my head around how my marrying a prada-clad, beach house on 3 coasts having, tall, dark and handsome man can be the undoing of society. I think the issue we have to think of is procreation. Under my authority, all couples who wish to procreate or adopt will have to go through an intense screening process which will determine, attractiveness, intelligence, good taste, and etiquette. It is my vision that THIS never happen ever again.
Iraq: Anyone raise their hand who thinks this is a good idea. No George.... not you.... you go sit in the corner and stop eating the paste.
Cabinet: I will announce the addition of several cabinet positions to my administration which would include the Duchess of Protocol, Secretary of Style, and Secretary of Cocktails. These positions will be mostly domestic however they will include government subsidies on happy hours, subsidized consultations at major department stores which will teach us things such as why neon spandex is not your friend, and a pamphlet which will detail what fork to use when.
Choosing A new CIA Head: I think the most important qualification of a CIA director was overlooked when Hayden was appointed. The ability to sing along to the Mission Impossible soundtrack while making your hands into a gun shape and going all stealth mode down a hallway.....duh.
Hurricanes: Ummmmmm I'm against them?
Education: As were all aware I plan on opening Dale's Royal Etiquette Academy for Youth. While that specific institution will only be open to a very select few (emphasis on the gays), I encourage more such schools to open.
With all these platforms I am confident in the fact that I can also add POTUS to my royal title. Thank you.
P.S.- I was having a convo with Chip last night about how you're pets reflect your personality. I have a cock-a-poo..... what exactly does that say about me??? hmmmmmmm