Friday, June 16, 2006

Friday Five.... summer summer summertiiiiime

1). I totally forgot how awkward robot dance it is to be with a couple of your friends and run into someone's parent that knew you when you were a child. Twenty minutes later and she's regaling your friends with stories about how your mom helped her through her menopause and how cute you were when you and her daughter had matching speedos all summer, every summer, for 10 years because your mom and her always made sure to go swimsuit shopping together..... It's a good thing I didn't want to cover my head with my hands and go to my happy place.... oh wait.

2). It's really kind of awkward when your friends ex's contact you out of the blue "just to chat." I thought we settled the whole custody battle when you dicked over my friend?? No? well then I can't be held responsible for what I lead you to believe.... what am I up to? oh you know, hot bf (lie), going to europe for a couple weeks (lie).... and yourself? still doing manual labor? yeah that's tough.

3). I've already seen from my travels up and down the runway that this summer, much like summers past, has seen fit to trick some poor misguided queens into buying the complex velcro meets woven meets crazy sandal contraptions. Let me give y'all a little hint of advice. Keep it simple, keep it classy, thong sandal (flip flop) or simple across the bridge of your foot slide sandal. Less is more ladies. Oh and these are a crime against nature..... a crime...nature.. against.

4). I'm sorry did anyone else see the Britney Spears Interview last night??? Holy Guacamole, it was everything I could ask for and more. There was the bad extensions, the see through maternity shirt, the crying, and an glob of chunked up mascara at the corner of one of her eyes that was big as life!! PS did everyone get a look at those heinous wooden sandal-y things she was wearing??? Looks like someone has come full circle and is just as trashy as she wants to be.... she's totally two steps away from having sex with her cousin and featuring a banjo in her next music video. PS matt lauer, while I would still have a million of his babies.... starting to get a little busted... c'mon matt.

5). I believe the summer itch has finally taken hold of me. I definitely go through periods of hibernation where gentlemen callers mean little to nothing to me.... I think that's over, at least for now. Time to re-open the application process for a gentleman caller, application to follow.


JP said...

couldn't agreee more with your "croc assessment". Treat them as Alabama treat literature and rational thought. Burn 'em! Every last flippin one of 'em. Bring new meaning to the work fire sale. Gross!

jimbo said...

I betcha Britney's mascara glob would sell for thousands of dollars on E-Bay.

Dale said...

JP: Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're flame retardant.... as satan intended. They are the worst thing to happen to footwear since toe socks.

Jimbo: the fact that you're probably right makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

Chris said...

Britney=Train Wreck. I wanted to turn away, but I just couldn't.

PS. Lady where have you been recently, I feel like I have seen you in ages...

Taylor said...

i don't know who decided that crocs were suitable to wear. i thought that they were only for middle aged women to wear when gardening (my mom has some for that specific reason only). probably the same person who decided that "hips don't lie" is a good song and should be played ad naseum on top 40 radio.

i haven't seen you either in a while! miss ya!