Thursday, June 08, 2006

Pride 2k6, because knoweledge is power

So Pride 2k6 is in sight and the signs are all around us, i.e. streamers of homosexual glory outside cobalt, the announcement of the bachelor auction (which I will NOT be participating in this year thank god..... that was a bad choice, not because I have ANY problem standing in front of a large group of people in just my underwear but because that night last year I may or may not have made out with mr. clean and passed out in my car)

ANYWAYS, I thought that seeing as how I revel in the dispensation of knoweledge, especially that of the homosexual variety.... so therefore I'd like to give my own Pride Guide 2006.

Mr. & Ms. DC Pride: Wanna see where the people from Annies aka The Glass Coffin go when they aren't chowing down on overpriced jalapeno poppers and watching those of us that don't have to wear adult depends walk on the runway??? You will find them all watching Mr. & Ms. DC Pride.... I went one year, on a date, it was not fun, I never talked to that guy again.

Parade: Think a DC version of Mardi Gras, Bringing water bottles with your favorite bevvy in it is always a good idea... stay hydrated (Read: half vodka half cranberry juice). Fighting the crowds to get into Cobalt to get a refreshment is not ladylike, although I've fought the crowds to use the restroom.... that is a necessity. It will be hot. Unless you go to the gym a LOT please don't take off your shirt.... it is an affront to the very delicacy of my nature. Oh and if you wear sandals be prepared to at some point have your feet stepped on.

Attire In General: No jean shorts or cut off jean shorts. No sleevless T-s, it is not 1995 anymore. No Visors, I can't even begin to tell you my problems with visors. No Tevas, those are a hate crime against your feet. Birks are allowed for our saphic (sp?) sisters. short sleeve button downs are also not cute, and if I see any queen walking around with their thong showing out of their pants I may or may not do a drive by with a body glitter stick.

Festival: I don't like it, I'm hungover and I'm in no mood to talk to the gay black jewish coalition on why I should support gay parents in El Salvador or what have you. The biggest concern on my mind is usually who I made out with outside JR's last night and why my mouth tastes vaguely of liccorice and even though I went home alone why I'm wearing somebody elses shirt.

So go, be gay, be fabulous, enjoy the festivities, and if any of you are so inclined to stand near the protestors (I don't like to) Give them a few choice words for me. I'm sure I'll be out, but I apologize in advance if I don't remember conversing with any of y'all come Monday.

OH and remember this : What Happens at Pride, stays at pride.... take from that what you will.

1 comment:

Scott said...

either you ganked the denim shorts reference from my last post or we're channeling the Pride Blogging Muse at the same time. Still, I must warn you, they will be seen.