Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Sweet Jesus Christ on a Cracker.......

Oh.....Mah.....Gawd.....

So... ok. Yesterday as I'm planning on leaving, excited about my regular trips to the spa by my office to get groomed, cut, and otherwise tended to in a way that befits my status (duh), a co-worker stopped by my office. Now she's religious. Not in a normal, I hate gays, I hate technology kind of way....... that I can deal with. She's religious in that her church is named the flaming spirit of the lord, speaks in tongues, and has recently joined a dance class for the sole purpose of praising Jesus.

ANYWAYS... she came into my office yesterday to have a conversation that in my mind is entirely too long to have in a professional setting and then turns to leave but then turns back... and no joke says...... "Oh (Dale) remember, Jesus Loves You." My response was.... "Ummm thanks" (which incidentally is the same response I had to one of my ex's when he dropped the L-bomb however there are very few similarities between him and the son of our lord other than they both probably could use more showers)

Let's review:

We are in a work environment. You don't know my religion. For all you know I could be the high priest of the house of Satan or something, I'm not btw... red and black really aren't my colors plus I have a feeling there's a big leather contingent with that kind of religion and there are many things I look good in but leather aint one of them.

Turns out she's been singleing out the 'mo's on my floor and basically telling us all that Jesus loves us on a semi-regular basis, mayhaps she's trying to save my sould which has been damned to the fiery pits of hell for participating in a little man on man action and having an undying love for This Man (who will one day make an honest woman out of me).

.... So to this person I say, "No Maam, Jesus obviously does not love me because then he would have given me the capacity to put up with your simple minded weird self...unfortunately I do not have this ability."

Story Addendum: She cut her most of her hair off the other week because she feared she was worshiping it like a false idol and cutting it brought her closer to the lord.

6 comments:

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

Which is funny because in the Bible it says a woman's hair is her glory and a gift from God and the covering she uses to pray to the lord. Which is why in so many of those crazy ass super religious cults, the women NEVER cut their hair. Tell her she's totes going to hell for cutting off her gift from God and now when she prays, he can see her naughty bits.

Dale said...

The fact that you know that scares me.... a lot.

Polt said...

she, and others like her, need to fulfill thier grandest desire and BE with the Lord. As soon as possible. Maybe we could hand out readymade nooses, or free tickets to Iraq to help them speed the process up.

Once all the crackpots are "with thier Lord and Savior", this world will be a much better place, for Christians and non-Christians alike.

Scott said...

Next time just scare her and inquire if she ever wonders if the Rapture had alredy happened and we're the ones who got left behind in hell.

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

LOL. I know that because I have a really fucked up extended family back home. Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

Asian Mistress said...

Hahahah that is great love, to her I say deny, deny, deny!