Friday, June 09, 2006

Friday Five... Convo-tastic!!

1). There has got to be something in the paint of my condo complex because not only is one of the front door ladies obviously a meth addict or something as she's constantly chewing her gums and drooling on herself while talking.... THERE'S more than ONE!!!! As I was doing my laundry last night (Maid's on vaca) another lady on the condo board came into the laundry room, stood there and proceeded to stare at me....until it was mucho awkward and then I turned and the following convo ensued,

Dale: Ummm hi?
Crazy Lady #2: So.....where are you from?
Dale: Ummm Montgomery County?
CL2: No, what's your background?
Dale: Oh, ummm my dad's Japanese my mom's German
CL2: I thought so! I said to myself that boy is too tall for an Oriental.
Dale: *Screaming in my head* ORIENTAL IS FOR CARPETS NOT PEOPLE YOU DUMB FAT SMELLY PIECE OF SH*T. *Actually Said* Ummm yup, guess so, k bye now.

2). My godparents as I've said time and time again scare me on several levels. They love the eff out of me and if anything happened to me they'd unleash the fury of a thousand suns on whomever.... plus I know there's a lot of you out there that think you can drink..... I can without a doubt say that my godmother can drink you under the table... twice. I've actually been yelled at for stopping at two martinis after cocktails and margarita hour. Anyways as my parents anniversary brunch is in Dupont I suggested to everyone that they metro... the following convo ensued with my godmother.

Dale: Hi [godmother], you might want to metro this weekend, it's pride and it's going to be wicked crowded
Godmother: *pause* public transportation? oh honey, the [godmothers last name] do not take public transportation, what if were seen?
Dale: Good point. I'll have your martini ready when you get there (11 am, sunday morning)

3). Convo I had with a co-worker on what one should serve as food at a naked party.

Dale: So, if you were to host such a party, what kind of food would you serve
CW: Cheese tray?
Dale: Yeah and veggies, but I wouldn't serve any carrot niblets or beanie weanies...bad images.
CW: Yeah and light on the sauces, those things can really stain the upholstery

4). Convo I had with my mother who wanted to walk in the Pride parade under the PFLAG banner in her wedding dress...

Dale: Mom, you are not walking in the parade in your wedding dress
Mom: fine, but I'm still walking.
Dale: Mom you know that means actual walking right? you aren't on a float.
Mom: Really? Nevermind, I don't do walking.

5). And finally.... in honor of pride a convo I had with a straight guy friend on the nature or nurture argument on homosexuality.

Dale: I watched Underworld Evolution last night... it was pretty sweet.
SGF: yeah, someone should tell those bible thumpers out there that if you're still gay after watching Kate Beckinsale as a leather-wearing vampire, then being gay is not a choice.
Dale: Aint that the truth.

*PS Katie B. can make the the Ro's drool all they want, Scott Speedman shirtless for most of the movie?? Be still my heart!!*



Polt said...

Just say the movie this week as well, and it pretty much sucked, but Scott shirtless, oh HELLS yeah!

Too bad you mom won't be in wedding dress. I was gonna really look for her! I LOVE the parade! I LOVE the PFLAG people even more.

They outta have a float, though, ya know? Or maybe your mom could have her OWN float? She's the Queen Mother, right?

copperred said...

Honey, aintcha never heard of the awful saying among crazy ladies: "He's "Oriental", let's be mental!" They figure that you had a stereotypical upbrining and won't say anything back because that would be shaming. You need to buy a riding crop.

Maybe MoCo should have its own float?

Dale said...

Polt: Yeah I'm a sucker for bad sci-fi movies with good special effects I'll admit it. Mumsy would love to ride in a float but thankfully that's not happening. I believe her role would be Queen Mother, and god knows she's got the bling to prove it.

Copperred: Ha ha ha ha no I never heard that before, and if they did that to me they'd be very very mistaken, I'm not exactly quiet and demure! If MoCo had it's own float it'd be the most outdone potomac-y, my barmitzvah was better than your barmitzvah, whose beamer are we taking to the mall today, oh wait I forgot to put on my fifth tiffanys bracelet float in life.

DC Cookie said...

God, you two never cease to crack me up...