Thursday, June 15, 2006

I'm so educatafied!!!

So ok.... obviously since it was a glorious evening I went to the runway and met a friend for cocktails at Fox and Hound, I didn't expect it to be such an educational experience as I learned a few things.

1). If you walk up and down the runway long enough you are guaranteed to pick up a man. This was evident by not one but two gentlemen (I use the term loosely) who walked up and down 17th st. maybe 8 or 9 times a piece and were rewarded with organisms that can only be classified as pseudo human that they then took to what I assume was a covered location to do whatever unholy acts. PS: Gentleman #1 ( sleeveless T, bad dye job[lollipop red], and WAAAAY too much fake and bake) Gentleman #2 ( obviously on something, eyes dilated more than marion barrys on election day, skinny guy in v. baggy clothes) They obviously both deserve no sex in life.

2). Groups of unaccompanied straight girls who are tools, at an establishment on a street where the majority of businesses are gay owned and operated will congratulate themselves on being so fabulous for hanging in the gayborhood no less than 10 times an hour. Congratulate yourselves all you want ladies, at the end of the night aint none of us is punching your kitty. Now this isn't a rant on straight women, three of my best friends are straight women.... but they're also not tools.

3). If you are at an establishment that sells drinks by bringing you a cup with ice and the liquor of your choice in it and then give you a travel size bottle of whatever (in my case tonic) with which to mix with the glass full of the liquor of your choice, do NOT order the following (a martini, a cosmopolitan, or a mimosa) You will be branded for the rest of the night as the jerks from the dirty vag wearing short-sleeve buttondowns and madras shorts (short sleeve buttondowns make the baby jesus cry) that decided to come to dc and be idiots. Also don't even get me started on the lady that ordered a mimosa at 9 pm......

4). I am not a bitch just because you slapped my butt on the way to the bathroom and I turned around and told you that that was not an appropriate way to introduce yourself, give you a look that would make Hitler cry, and then turn and walk away. I'm a lady dammit.


JP said...

What are these fools thinking? When was slapping your ass ever something that they though would win friends or influence people. I'm surprised you didn't take off a shoe and commence a Springer-esque Beat-down.
Have you developed a business plan for the finishing school yet?

Carrie Broadshoulders said...

If they were hot, I don't think I'd mind to be honest.

Then again, I'm a lady...of ill repute.

Scott said...

oh the memories of fox. In response to #3 whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstance ask for a frozen and blended drink at an establishment that gives you the glass o booze and mixer on the side. That's the easiest way to get the weakest drink of your I've been told.

Dale said...

JP: No kidding, I would have taken off my flip flop but the floors are less than clean, not that there's anything wrong with that in such an establishment. Business plans are still underway, but I'm just horrible with money, I really should hire a nice accountant with pecs.... an accountant with pecs and thighs that could choke a bear..... what were we talking about again?

CB: He was busted a go go, it wasn't cute. you certainly are some type of lady!!

Scott: I mean it's just common sense to anyone who isn't completely touched, besides... it's 5 bucks for a GLASS OF BOOZE... why would you pass that up?