How to look like you're working hard......without really trying

Ok dokie..... this is my last week at my current job... I will be taking about two weeks of vaca before starting the next one. I was GOING to go to SoBe this weekend, as my mom is going because she's bored and was going to rent another hotel room for me (drunken offer) .... why am I not going?? mumsy didn't tell me until yesterday and I already made plans. It's ok, she promised me key west come winter.

Anyways, as I look back on my tenure as an employed member of society, WHICH I have to say is entirely overrated. I long for the days that I was a recently graduated individual with no real marketable skills except for my circus experience, who spent the summer of 04 doing naught but waking up, going to the pool with my laptop, "applying" for jobs for about 45 minutes, go swimming, go to the gym, go back to the air conditioned apartment, turn on the Cosby Show, pour myself a little G&T, and call my other friend who was also unemployed, she'd bring over sushi and wine, and we'd watch the iron chef marathon for the rest of the day.

However, I thought I'd share some things that I DID learn as an employed individual (obviously from others as I'm the perfect employee), which is still overrated and I'm in the market for a sugar daddy a la last summer with the beach house fame.

Always carry a pad and pen: This makes it look like you're in the middle of something. It helps if you have something written down, preferrably in list form on that pad. If you keep the pen behind your ear, it gives the appearance that you're in so much of a hurry that you can't be bothered.

Perfect your "I'm intently staring at the computer screen no matter what's on it" look: Mastering this look will make anyone who walks by your office/cube think to themselves "wow, look at how intense [insert name here] is, I shouldn't bother them with this little question, let me go find an intern."

Cover all surfaces on your desk with stickies and print outs: You can print out emails, no matter how banal, and if called on it you say, "I like to keep a paper trail blah blah blah, quality assurance blah blah blah."

If you plan on leaving the office early for the day without telling anyone, leave your computer on: It aint like it's your computer, and if anyone calls you on it the next day you can say you were looking for [insert name of file] at the [insert obscure filing location] and went back to your desk later obviously. duh.

I wonder if I should tell HR the things I've learned on my exit interview......hmmmmmmm