Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The corporate death of the english language




Now I'm not a huge linguist, nor am I opposed to using abbreviated words or slang terms like tots (totally) obvy (obviously) or whatevs (whatever). However as I've been in the corporate gulag for just over a year now I've come to have a well cultivated and supreme hatred of corporate slang that burns with the intensity of a thousand suns. I'm talking about the made up words and terms that not only annoy the hell out of me but seem to be used just to up the importance level of whomever seems to be uttering them.

Action Item: This is probably my most hated of all terms. I'm sorry what? action item... like your job? I've definitely had superiors tell me to "make something an action item." I hate that, it's like saying "can you put that on your to-do list?" I'm at work, I have stuff to do, I will categorize things in the order of importance in which I see fit so eff the eff off, sorry if you couldn't get off your cellulite covered upper management butt to take care of your own stuff but it aint my problem.

Synergy: Yes I realize that this is actually a word according to Websters however it's overuse to describe how a team should work together to finish A, B, or C bugs the poo out of me.... let me do what I have to do, why don't you do what you have to do, and lets not pat ourselves on the back with buzz words that shouldn't be used outside of a laboratory.

Living Document: What an assonine term for a document that you need to constantly update.... I'm over it.

Re-inventing the wheel: If I hear that term one more time I swear I will beat somebody's head in with a stapler.... my streamline stapler....

Is someone still bitter from yesterday after coming home from working to find a house full of dirty dishes and trash that hadn't been tended to?? oh yes you better believe it.... thankfully tonight I have dinner taken care of and relaxation a go go.

9 comments:

JP said...

What happened to the English language? I share your hatred for these terms... I hold the corporate shit-lingo machine solely responsible for introducing the world to IRREGARDLESS...Just typing it makes the stomach acid rise to my mouth.

Kathryn Is So Over said...

I hate "out of pocket." Like, just say the person is GOING ON VACAY, or will be OUT OF THE OFFICE. I f--king hate "out of pocket."

Dale said...

JP: I have no idea what happened to the english language... it's almost as if there's a conspiracy of select terms that were invented just to annoy me.

Kathryn: I'm there with you... I hate out of pocket... hate it like burning...

The Boy said...

I also hate "same sheet of music", and the use of the work 'task' as a verb.

A Unique Alias said...

My favorite phrase, and one which I use all the time, is "long pole in the tent."

"Oh, he's the cause of the delay - - he's the long pole in the tent."

On the one hand, it means he's holding everything else up - - keeping it from completion - - but to me, it means "He's being a big dick." Yeehawr!

JP said...

AUA? Where you be? Your bloggie has gone the way of the do do...

VP of Dior said...

i like when people use "ROI" and you can tell they don't know what it means

ATL Bling Bling said...

its assinine, honey.

Dop said...

"gauge your comfort level" - ugh!