Thursday, February 02, 2006

I'm a big girl now!!!

Ok so.... I was PLANNING on having a quiet evening with some shake n bake, a nice bottle of Pinot, and clean sheets on my bed. Did that happen??? take a wild guess.

So I roll up to my casa post gym, put the shake n bake in the oven (I'm so addicted, I have the suspicion they put crack in the little pouch o' flavor), put on the rice cooker (like grandma said, if I don't eat rice everyday my eyes will go round), and put some brocolli in the steamer (super food of the day? I think so). Opened the bottle of pinot to breathe while I went and showered off the stink of the gym and the looks of the icky closeted military guys checking me out (this is why I don't wear my glasses at the gym, I'm there to actually work out, not get picked up by guys that are by and large butch in the streets and pansies in the sheets, plus if I wore my glasses then I'd be the geeky kid wearing glasses at the gym).

So after my shower (ps post gym showers are maybe the highlight of my weekdays) I sat down and ate my repast and enjoyed the stylings of These Ladies, and was figuring I'd be in bed by 11 and asleep by twelve, save some money and be no worse for wear. I was a liar.

I receive a txt from Chip and our friend T who are already out at a restaurant saying:
"The captains of (Champion Kickball Team) request your precense at Millie and Al's. "

So apparently I'm the first one to call back saying... "sure why not." I try to get The Boy and Mrs. Jesus to join in the merriment but I think The Boy didn't want to walk in the cold (he's delicate like a tulip) and Mrs. Jesus was having a Martha Stewart moment and being all domestic.

It was dollar drafts night at Millie and Al's.... and they have 1$ jello shots too.... so like the good (Champion Kickball Team) member I am I saddled right on up and start drinking with the big girls.... HOWEVER, seeing as how I have the tolerance of a small elephant and I wasn't drinking my usual Gin concoctions, I actually maintained a level of coherence throughout the evening....

Somebody Else, and I'm not naming names.... *cough* Chip *cough* may or may not have, in the interest of polite drunken conversation asked a gentleman whom we were with to prove or dispell any rumours about other peoples claims of him being "well equipped".... mind you we are at a crowded bar, and it's just the gentleman in question, myself, and Chip. Now I won't lie, I would never have said anything to the gentleman regarding this topic but I wasn't about to not listen if it was being talked about.

Also when I walked up to the bar once I was greeted with "OH Dale, I was just telling everybody about the time when you were 18 and..... (this story does NOT need to be published as it paints me a very deep shade of newbie ho'bag).... to which I just laughed at. I'm not embarassed about being called out on the things I've done I just request that they're told in my precense so I can offer a tempered version of the facts, but I really don't need to publish them (unless the price is right, *wink* *wink*). PS, I am not now, nor I have I ever been anything but the pristine picture of virginal grace (That moment in question was a Mulligan, of which you get one every six months), and if there are any disputes on said issue I will cut you like sushi and wear you like gucci.

So my tab was $17 and Chips was $11, we bought rounds.... don't judge!! We went to JR's, and along the way Chip may or may not have left drunken, cuss filled voicemails on several of our friends phones to come meet us. I order us a round of drinks and Chip went to the bathroom, there were NO cute guys there and we were getting stared at like choirboys at the vatican so we amscrayed and went our separate ways.... PS remember the time I was still in bed by midnight?? oh that's right, I RULE!!!


The Boy said...

Sorry ladies! Sometimes when you get on in years sushi in bed with several glasses of wine just sounds better than JR's.

I promise I'll come for the cheap jello shots next time!

Dale said...

That's my plan for this evening, unless I get peer pressured otherwise.

Polt said...

"eat rice everyday or your eyes will go round"

BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Man that is great! I've got a co-worker staring at me now for all the laughing I did! but it's worth it!

JP said...

I love cheap guerilla warfare cocktail nights! Ain't Nothin wrong with that. Plus you bet you had shake 'n bake snackies waitin for you when you got home.

Anonymous said...

I with Polt, I laughed out loud while reading that line. Hee hee