Thursday, February 23, 2006

Rules of the jungle.... the Faaaabulous jungle...

So after a viewing of Mean Girls I realized that much like adolescent girls in HS, the gayborhood and it's minions have our own set of Gay Rules that one should just accept as Sharia pretty much.

1). If you do anything, and I mean ANYTHING embarassing at a bar or club. You will be seen and you will be mocked. This isn't something you should worry about because within a calendar week someone else will be found naked and belly up in the gutter behind another bar and will then eclipse the fact that you threw up on a cute guy last happy hour after that third tequilla shot.

2). If you make out/hook up with someone and then immediately following discover they are in a relationship with someone else in the same city, I wouldn't wear anything nice for a while. Chances are a random queen is going to "accidentally" spill her Cape Codder or glass of merlot all over your Diane von Furstenburg knockoff.

3). If you go out with a borderline outfit on without getting it approved by one of your sister souls or even going out friends, be prepared to have the moniker (Insert awkward outfit statement) guy. There is a guy in Dupont that I still call banana pant rollerblade guy, and yet another that I call is shirtless shouldn't be guy for their what I would consider ill placed fashion choices.

4). A definite rule of the jungle is the defenseless lamb rule. If you go anywhere and have a deer in headlights look about you be prepared to be the subject of bitchy ridicule and getting el sketch ball supremos being on you like white on rice. It's best to counter with a good offense, especially if meeting people out and you're the first one to arrive. Bitchy stare, strike a pose, look mildly bored or mildly annoyed, no eye contact... and you should be temporarily safe... till that third tequilla shot.


The Boy said...

#4 is THE TRUTH.

Taylor said...

You stole my comment, the boy. #4 is gospel.

And although this is more than a gripe rather than a rule, don't dare be walking through a crowded bar, pass someone you know, and then just stop in the middle of the walkway to talk to said friend. The genteel Southerner inside me used to patiently wait a moment until you realize your faux pas; however, since I've moved to DC I've gotten more aggressive. I'll push through your ass, and 95% of the time I'm bigger than you. Happens at Juniors ALL THE TIME.

JP said...

This etiquette textbook just gets thicker and thicker. I'll have the leather bound version please. It'll be better the have the students balance it on their heads that way.

Dale said...

Boy: I know that's right sistah!

Taylor: I'm totally with you, thankfully my bony hips/elbows allow me the hip check elbow poke move that has left a mark on more than one tiara wearer in this city

JP: I swear, I've been saying all along if people just followed my rules we'd all get along a lot better.

Hateful, Party of One said...

BRavo on your making it into the Express with this blog entry.