Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Scaredy Scaredy Scaredy Cat

So after the requisite sushi dinner with my Gramps and my Great Aunt Mc Crazy filled with racial slurs and talk of Michelle Kwans chances at the Olympics I went over to my parents house to spend the evening. P.S. quote from dinner with the crazy Asians

Crazy Great Aunt: You know, I haven't seen Kristi Yamaguchi in a while
Gramps: I think she married a white guy
Crazy Great Aunt: Ohhhhhh, that explains it...

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?????

P.P.S - on my drive to work this morning I saw a little asian woman in a mazda so I obviously keep my distance but saw on her bumper a sticker that says "got rice?" yeah that made my day.

So anyways, I am planning, along with Chip and several members of (Championship Kickball Team) are going to a Monster Truck Rally.... that's right I said Monster Truck Rally. White Trash weekend a go go. Don't worry I'm bringing mace. Anyways I told my parents about my plans which I'm obvy excited about and my parents response: you know you should be careful about where you go. Along with, Maybe you should cut your hair and try and look a little more mainstream.

I realized for the first time that my parents are scared for/of me. I mean both of them have had first hand experiences being marginilized members of society but I figured they'd have developed a "eff the world I do what I want" attitude that I seem to have developed over the years, I was wrong.

Ok now I'm going to get a little heavy.... So when my mom was a teenager her gay cousin (Butch the male nurse..... not making it up) had a boyfriend, Butch was in his 30's and he and his bf shared an apt. in Balmer. The bf was apparently cheating on my uncle/cousin while he was at work. The only reason Butch found out, however was one day he came home from work and the trick that the Bf was having relations with had thought it'd be a good idea to slit the bf's throat and steal all their stuff. Butch has kinda steered clear of relationships for the past 30-40 years because of that.

I guess that left an indelible impression on my mom, my dad's entire family was the product of internment camps so that's an obvy give away but when I came out of the womb, and inexplicably the weather girls "it's raining men" came on, my parents knew I'd be a handful.

by the time I was in HS I had discovered couture and was LOVING IT. I had no problem being all types of fabulous but Mumsy had other ideas.... so what'd she do? She offered me cash for the clothes that she deemed inappropriate. So what was my response? upped the price, gave her the clothes, went back to georgetown, rebought the offending clothes and used the rest of the money for going out. Yes yes I'm a horrible person but whatever, messing with my couture is like messing with my emotions.

Anyways I've never had the impression that there are certain places that I'm not welcome, I think I'm probably just that dense but it was surreal hearing from my parents that there are some places I shouldn't go if I wanted to remain in one fabulous piece. The Monster Truck Rally is in Balmer and Balmer is my Sh*t so there's NO way I'm not going anywhere I damn well please. Besides I figure there's about 10 of us..... the odds of all of us being hate crimed are slim to none.

Now I'm a loud, unashamedly so, Extroverted lady. I don't fall on the butch end of the spectrum, and not now nor have I EVER been ashamed of that fact and I'm pretty sure that scares the CRAP out of my parents/ rando's that think I should act more "normal". I wear tight jeans and cute shirts and yes I get facials, mani's, pedi's and my eyebrows done. I use the terms Honey, Darlin, and Sweetpea on a regular basis. I'm a big ole queen and anybody that has a problem with it can take it to my grill cuz I have no problem dealing with idiots.

So while at the Monster Truck Rally and surrounding events I don't plan on going shirtless with mesh shorts or any such nonsense but I'll be damned if anyone is going to dictate how I'm going to conduct myself as life is way too short and I'm way too fabulous......

12 comments:

A Unique Alias said...

Holy crap!! Throat cutting? Jesus, man. That's pretty cold. Whatever happened to duct-tape handcuffs??

aklsdjhfa said...

"Ok now I'm going to get a little heavy...."

A little?!?!?!?!

Dale said...

AUA: Yeah no kidding....

Chip: Calm down mary, it's not like I included pictures.

JP said...

*Chip grabbing the microphone from the battered housewife with missing teeth Karaoke-ing "Stand by your man"* "Okay y'all now I'm gonna bring the room down a little bit"...NICE!

JP said...

Oh crap...Sorry that was Dale story...sorry chip...my bad

Chris said...

I second Chip's comment. That was more than "a little" heavy!

Dale said...

For some reason that story doesn't phase me that much, I guess I've heard it a lot of times, and that story doesn't strike me as sad as much as makes me want to not try and hide and necessarily "conform"

RoarSavage said...

How do you live after actually having your throat slit? I'm going to have nightmares about that now. Bravo for not conforming, though. Fuck 'em!

Dale said...

My uncle/cousins bf didn't live...

Anonymous said...

I would kill to go to a Monster Truck Rally. They are THE fun!! In Balmer no less hon!!!!

Sorry to hear about Uncle Butch the Nurse, though.

Hope things are otherwise great in your world. You wear the faggoty tiara well!

xo-
S!




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Taylor said...

i went to a demolition derby in college ... at the dixie classic fair in winston-salem. i was the only one there in khakis.

i also got drug to the GD petting zoo at said fair. i hate those places, they reek, you can get mites from touching the animals, and well, and it's only ghetto animals like chickens and goats and pigs. they don't have cool stuff like zebras, giraffes, llamas (C'MON TINA, EAT!), cheetas, and kangaroos. now THAT's what i call a petting zoo.

tanget, methinks?

Polt said...

Being from the middle of the NASCAR/country music/redneck region, may I suggest if you're going to the Monster Truck Rally, wear old jeans, a flannel shirt and a trucker's cap. no one will notice a thing. They'll be all drunk and stuff, you're height/ethnicity will be all a blur. :)