Friday, February 24, 2006
Friday Five: Please let the Sh*tstorm end!!!!!
Between work drama, family drama, and pissing off random friends and acquaintances, this week needs to die a horrible and grizly death. I'm talking about the kind that makes you want to go fetal. I'm talking about the type that ends up on Crime Library. Needless to say I'm going to need much merriment this weekend. However, if today is any portent of the weekend to come it'll be a good one as our blog was quoted in the express this morning!!
This obviously means I'm a celebrity....... obviously. and five things I will need to start doing will be.
1) I'm going to, at all times, travel around DC with an oversized scarf and sunglasses so that I appear to be unrecognizable to the man on the street. Unless that man happens to break six feet have thighs that could choke a bear and wants to take me to Bali for a week. Just sayin.
2) When walking through a crowd at any number of bars and clubs I will at all times give everyone the french smile (tight smile no teeth) and say things like, "oh I'm sorry I'm not doing autographs today" and " Who am I wearing?? Chanel Duh!"
3) I will obviously have to have an assistant that will have my current phone and phone number and I'll have to get a bling encrusted extra phone for the super duper VIP's, and that phone number will be unlisted and I will only be able to call out as my assistant will undoubtedly tell me who called me that day in order of importance and cuteness.
4) Whenever, and I mean whenever, I see someone taking a picture of anything, anywhere in my general area I will flick them off and say "DOWN WITH THE PAPARAZZI, Can't you let me lead a normal life??" Because they will obviously be talking about me.
5) I need to invest in floor length white sable coat with a high collar so that everyone knows that I, am now, a celebrity. So if you see a queen walking down 17th st. looking like a 6 foot asian snowball you'll know. And don't ask for an autograph. I don't do that.
*At some point it might be a good idea to deal with my drama.... but a little escapism can go a loooooong way.