Wednesday, August 16, 2006

blah blah blah

Unfortunately I've been battling a sinus infection all week no doubt contracted from sharing shot glasses with the military boys from last weekend at the beach, and I've been unable to grace the gym with my precense thereby depriving all of the eligible men's with my ability to bend in ways that would make circus performers cry. Hopefully I will beat this horrible condition like a trailer park housewife soon and not feel like a ball of goo sitting on my couch.

Oh wait.... except I went out last night... and by out I mean myself and senor chip headed over to H. Marys (I refuse to call it Dakota Cowgirl) for some half price burgers, celebrating his return home from the land of llamas and cuy, (And yes ladies....that's a guinea pig).

Now I would just like to say turning a dive burger joint into a modern art light fixture having, campy lesbo cowgirl paint on the wall displaying, burger joint with the same menu and wait staff aint the way to go. Although for 5 bucks I'll take a burger with mushrooms and shove it in my face like I just got back from the bataan death march. Hmmmm maybe I should stop going to burger joints for first dates if I want to turn them into second dates..... although.....

Ok so here's the story... picture it.... I'm 17 and eating at CPK, a most delicious establishment directly south of Dupont Circle. I'm out, I'm single, and I also have the shame of a 17 year old which is obviously none. I get some meal that includes a dill pickle, probably pizza, anyways so the topic of gag reflexes comes up and our waiter who was not unnattractive and obviously a player for our team is very interested. I obviously start flirting with the waiter and then it happens.... he dares me to try and put the entire pickle in my mouth. I obviously ask what the hell do I get if I succeed? he said he'd give me a free meal.

I totally did it.... I totally got a free meal..... and his number.... duh.

ANYWAYS, so afterwards we traipse on over to JR's for a little drinky poo since it's on the way to both of our apt.s. I see some guy I used to date.... at this point I feel like my being embarassed at seeing people I used to date and now don't speak to is pointless because then I'd never go out at all. I also see an older gentleman who looks his age surrounded by three children who could have been no more than 19.... and who thought that jumping up and down was an appropriate way to express happiness...... if they had been within arms reach I would have reached to them, grabbed their underoos and made jumping a very unpleasant activity for them.

Also on that's very sad when old gay men who look like poo surround themselves with 19 year olds with whom they have naught in common..... I half expect them to lean over and start sucking blood out of their pre-pubescent necks in a half assed attempt to regain their lost youth.

This is not saying I don't date older men....but the guys I date are A). Not ugly B) can carry conversations on topics that don't include the latest development on J-Lo and C) don't surround themselves with fetal material like I saw at JR's last night.

**We would also like to thank the several journalists (San Fran, Chicago, and DC) that have contacted us in the past couple of weeks to say nice things about this here blog..... our crowns sparkle that much more knowing y'all enjoy!!**


wmy said...

Guinea pig anyone??????????? I started choking...and not in the good way either!!

Alan said...

You deserve the recognition.

As for JR's -- honey, what did you expect? I think they rotate the old fugly guy with prepubescents in on a schedule...