Friday, August 11, 2006

Friday Five..... Tales from the Bar

Shocker among shockers..... I joined several ladies out last night for the all you can drink for 9$ on thursday event. Don't judge me, I'm a government contractor lemming with a mortgage... momma's gotta budget. However myself and other DC blogger Royalty noticed much to our chagrin several trends that seem to be sweeping through our fair kingdom...

1). Midgets: Now, I realize that I'm 6'3" I really do. I also realize that most people are shorter than I am. However there were at least 10 if not more gentlemen under the height of 5'5". I kinda wanted to go up to one and pat them on the head..... or rest my drink on it. They probably wouldn't have liked that. I kinda wanted to go up to one of them and say...."Is it secret? is it safe?"

2). This gentleman sauntered into the bar around 7 oclock in the evening..... leather pants.... not leather bar..... 7 pm...... let's review.....
*PS did I have any shame whipping out my handy dandy camera phone to record this moment for posterity??? I'm gonna go ahead and say absolutely not!!*

3). We observed one gentleman who I believe is in his early 40's being surrounded...and I mean in a circle with a group of children who still had pieces of placenta hanging off them. I obviously drew myself up to my full regal glory and gave him the stare of disapproval because there's something very unsettling about that scene...this is a time when the word icky is appropriate to describe the situation. I'm not opposed to age gaps in relationships.... but when you're an obviously older, mature gentleman, you should NOT be hanging out with groups comprised solely of children who can't remember the Thundercats.

4). Now I will once again say how I abhor...ABHOR being pigeonholed for being asian, I'm 6'3"and only half...HALF!!! A gentleman last night came up to myself and Lady Co-Co and began hitting on me like it was going out of style. Apparently he has a "thing" for asian guys. Now ok I understand having a "type" but to say that in convo with someone you just met is kinda awkward and uncomfortable. I will say this for the man however, he did get points for procuring drinks for both myself AND Lady Co-co upon introducing himself.... little tip... get in with the friends and your stock goes way up.

5). Hookup Cards (business cards that only have the name, phone number, and email address on them, sometimes containing address of residence). I received one last night and this gentleman did not hand it to me.....oh no that would have been toooooo easy. How did he do it you ask?? came right up behind me and slipped it riiiight into my back-pocket while he copped himself a feel.... what IS it with people and my butt recently? Anyways after I removed his hand and gave him my ice queen stare of death he leaned in and said.... "I just wanted to make sure you had my number." This is the same guy that said he liked Asian guys. I thought that the gracious acceptance of his libation would have ended my interaction with him.... I was sadly mistaken.... I really need to re-open my application process for gentleman callers.

PS. Lady Co-Co and I may have been really excited and told Hookup card guy that we were going to be watching Mary Poppins last night.... we might have been a little drunk.

PPS. Blockbuster was out of Mary Poppins.... who does that?

PPPS. We settled on love actually, ate greasy chinese food, and were asleep by 11.

10 comments:

demanda said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I totally saw leather pants guy walking down R Street last night!!

Scott said...

I've been known to ask those people under 5'5" "Don't you have a ring you're supposed to be delivering to Mount Doom"? Especially if they're getting on my last good nerve.

jimbo said...

I have noticed that on the average the gays in DC are all about my height, around 5'8" to 5'9" or so. When I look around I don't see much deviation from this mean height. Kind of creepy, actually.

Dale said...

Demanda: Yeah I was totally suprised/dumbfounded/stylistically offended/greatly entertained

Scott: Ha ha ha ha yeah it's like there was a tall people curfew last night that nobody told me about.

Jimbo: Yeah it's true... I alway stick out like a sore thumb... I really need to start hanging out with NBA players more often.

JP said...

Issues with GC's? Honey I don't know if you're not going to the right places or if there's a conspiracy against your derriere, but it could be a little of both. Your ass must be "like woah" for it appears to have the same affect as a bug-zapper only it's with trash...what is the deal?

Dale said...

JP: What's a GC? I actually don't think my hind-quarters are much of anything as it is barely in existence but maybe it's all those late night digiorno sessions that have finally caught up with me!

JP said...

GC= Gentleman Callers
I have the issue that previously known as "petite" hindquaters has blown out 90 percent of all my trousers since becoming a spinning instructor. Need a pair of 7's?

Dale said...

hmmmm what size are they? (I still wear a 28-9 x 34) yeah all my jeans have been a lot tighter since I A) started running again and B) moved to my condo which makes me walk everywhere.... hmmmm might be time to get some new clothes woo hoo

Alan said...

Hookup cards are wrong. Phone numbers are meant to be written on drink napkins that are partially wet with a pen that works half the time, so you either get the full number or the full name.

What is happening to tradition?

Cornelius said...

Gay as Glitter Loretta, Gay as glitter...We truly are giants among the gays..